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Beyond the medical risks of abortion, the emotional trauma is often far more damaging. The following testimony is real and unsolicitd website feedback. Abortion kills children and hurts women (and men). Listen to their pain. Listen to their pleas. To share your own story, click here.
If only I had watched the video before I went through with my abortion, I would never had done it. I was always against abortion but when I found out that I was pregnant, I figured that I had no other choice. The people I spoke to assured me that an abortion was the right decision and I foolishly listened to them. I should have known that the right decision was to keep my baby. It has been almost a week since the abortion and I cry everyday. I am overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. Any girl or woman reading this should know that abortion is NOT the right choice. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I pray that God forgives me. The abortion will haunt me for the rest of my life.
January 15, 2007
I have only read a few of your testimonies, but that's all I have to read. Like a majortity of the women, I was young and dumb. 15 to be exact, I didn't know who the father was, I had plans of going to college, and coming from a very traditional family, "how was I going to have a child?"... It hurts so bad, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my child. I was a foolish woman and I pray to God, and my little angel everyday to forgive me for what I did. There is a hole in my heart, an emptiness that may never be filled, even if I were to have other children. I am 20 now and still have that very vivid memory. I was just so stupid, had I known, had I just one clue as to how the procedure was actually done or had been better informed, my child would be five years old now, in kindergarden. Your site opened my eyes wide, and I hope to be a part of what you stand for. Because NOBODY has right to say who and who doesn't get to live...
Age: 20
January 12, 2007
I had an abortion five years ago and it was the worst experience I have ever felt. I knew the truth and knew exactly what I was doing. I did it because I was afraid of what everyone would think of me at the time because I was pregnant and not married and the fact I was a Christian. I only used abortion as "a way out." After going through that, I don't understand how woman can have multiple abortions and not have a second thought about it. My experience was horrible and I felt darkness all around me when I was going through it. This is something I would never consider again. I am ashamed of what I did...
Age: 26
January 6, 2007
When I was younger, I remember hearing about abortion and thinking to myself "There's no way in the world I would ever do that. That's wrong. How could someone stand to do that?" Then everything changed. I was 17 when I found out. An at-home pregnancy test confirmed my fears. I told the father and we began to talk about what to do. I began researching abortion online a few days after taking the pregnancy test. I found out in my state you have to have parental consent or what they call a "judicial bypass." I did not want to have to go through the process of obtaining a judicial bypass because I didn't really understand what it meant. I couldn't find that much information on the process. The hardest thing I've ever gone through, besides the abortion and it's after-effects, was telling my mother. We talked about keeping it and abortion. I explained the process to her. I knew all along that I didn't want to do it but I felt I had to. I knew I would love the child like it ought to be loved but felt no one else would. My head decided in favor of the abortion, not my heart. My mother did not agree with my having an abortion and didn't want to sign for me. She would have but I didn't want to make her so I went through the process of getting a judicial bypass. I did that one morning and had my abortion that afternoon. I've read some of the other testimonies on here about how cold and clinical some of the other doctors were but everyone I came in contact with was helpful and nice. I think that's what put me in denial. If everyone was so nice and understanding, how bad could it be? The abortion itself as a procedure was not bad. The recovery room wasn't bad either but the ride home was the worst I have ever felt, physically. I got home and layed down because I was extremely nauseus and my mother came into my room and her eyes filled with tears. I remember telling her not to cry because then I would cry. The next month or so I carried myself like I was happy and completely not affected by the experience. I had the prom to plan for, I just wanted to be a teenager. Now, coming up on a year later, I think about it at least once every single day. You never really notice how many pregnant women there are or how many moms with strollers until after this experience. I am constantly reminded of my abortion and it pangs me deeply. I am still with the father and we talk about it occasionally. Before my due date passed, I asked him if he ever thought about it and he said at the time he wondered how big I would be and things like that. When I'm over-whelmed with the sight of mothers and their babies, he can sense my pain. I think about when I do have children and if I have a daughter, I do plan to tell her when it is appropriate. I want her to know she can come to me if she becomes pregnant and that I will support her and help her in any way. But I don't want her to feel the way I do, I don't want her to have an abortion. I told my mother, my boyfriend, and myself that I wouldn't regret it. But I do. Every second of every day..
January 29, 2007
I am now 36 years young and I had an abortion when I was 19. I highly recomend it to no one!! My life has not been the same every since, to say the least. Nothing about it makes me feel that I made the right choice. My life went to gloom and doom... Today I have askesd for Gods' forgiveness but, how long it takes to forgive myself.
Age: 36
December 29, 2006
My boyfriend got me pregnant, and I didnt know. He left me. He abused me, we argued all the time. I got knocked out and started to bleed some, the baby was in my tubes any way, and I had to get rid of it. He acts like he's happy and doesnt care. Now that the child is gone, he wont even talk to me b/c he feels that he is off the hook. And I feel so bad I want to die
Age: 20
December 25, 2006
I used to be a "N.O.W." woman. Then I saw what my 4 children looked like in the womb.... before I killed them. My first abortion was when I was barely 16 years old, 1985, seems like so many years ago. I thought I was only 10 weeks pregnant, I went to an abortion clinic (Planned Parenthood) in Ocala Florida. They told me it was just a "blob"... "hasn't even formed yet", they said. Well, turns out that I was about 16 weeks along and all of the nurses came running in when the doctor said "Oh my god". They said it was "all right".... "just a little more complicated than expected"...draped me with a sheet so that I couldn't see and went to work. If only I could have seen past that sheet.... I would have never had another abortion again...
Age: 37
December 24, 2006
When I was in high school, [I had an abortion]. Since then, I have spent every day of my life with regret, anger, sadness, and hurt. There is something missing in my life that will never be replaced. Seven years later, I am a mother of a 6 year old, 6 month old, and I am currently 5 months pregnant. I am happy with my family, but like I said, there is an empty hole that was supposed to be filled. I beg God for forgiveness. I just wanted to let you know, that your page touched my heart. I have never cried this hard in a long time. It opened my eyes...
December 16, 2006
I'm a student in high school. I had an abortion before. Now, I want [abortion] to end because it's really painful. You don't know what you're doing, you just want the pain to go away and you think if you get an abortion no one will know. You are only killing something that's so precious inside of you. You only think to ask god to help relieve the pain and go and cry yourself to sleep.
Age: 18
December 14, 2006
I had an abortion an the age of 14. I thought it was the only way out. It's been five months, now, and I still haven't gotten over the pain it caused me. I still wonder if God has forgiven me for the sin I have done.
Age: 15
December 12, 2006
It's been 6 months (since my abortion), and it still hurts me inside and I cry myself to sleep everynight. My baby would have been a girl and she would have been born on May 27th, 2007, and her name would have been angelica....but now today it is too late to go back.
Age: 16
December 9, 2006
I was 15 years old when I became pregnant by a 23 year old man. When I told him I was pregnant, he told me I had to have an abortion. At the time, I felt so alone and helpless that I agreed to the abortion. I think that I was at 22 weeks of gestation at the time of the abortion. After the abortion was performed, I was told there were twins. Since then, I have felt an enormous guilt. I didn't know how abortions were performed. I used to think that babies didn't feel anything until they were born. At the time, I didn't know the terrible mistake that I was maiking and that it was going to haunt me forever. I feel so sorry for what I did. If I had known how abortion is done, I never would have agreed to it. Now I have two children, but both of them were premature babies... I could not have a normal pregnancy due to the abortion I had 13 years ago. It is hard to know that I had an abortion. I feel like a monster. How could I have caused such horrible deaths to my other children? I just hope that God forgives me for my horrible sin.
November 13, 2006
** NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST TESTIMONY THAT ABORT73 HAS EVER RECEIVED FROM A WOMAN "CELEBRATING" HER ABORTION. BECAUSE OF THE ACCUSATIONS SHE MAKES, WE ARE COMPELLED TO INCLUDE IT. THE TONE OF HER REMARKS LEAD US TO BELIEVE THAT SHE MAY NOT BE QUITE AS AT PEACE WITH HER ABORTION AS SHE CLAIMS TO BE.
I had an abortion a few years back and I have NEVER regretted it. You throw religion into your argument, well, GOD DOES NOT EXIST. EDUCATE YOURSELF! This entire website must be run by narrow minded, bigoted Republicans. Women will get abortions, legal or not. KEEP YOUR LAWS AND YOUR RELIGION OFF MY BODY. Deciding to have an abortion is NOT a "Choice Facade". Intelligent young women who, holy crap, can think on their own, without BLINDLY following "god" or other fake deities, do not come to this decision easily. But when it is made, it's done. After my abortion, when I was in the "recovery room" with about a dozen other girls, the topic of regret came up and NOT ONE of them said they regretted what had just happened. You can preach all you want, but you are just singing to yourselves. Also, I absolutely love how on your "Testimony" page, YOU ONLY HAVE POSTS FROM FEMALES WHO REGRET THEIR DECISION. This website is completely geared towards forcing women to keep their UNWANTED pregnancies. I did not find one "I'm glad I did it" post. This website isn't informative, it is PROPAGANDA. If there is a god, he hates you.
November 11, 2006
I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared and decided that I could never have this baby. I started thinking about me. What will people think, what will my friends think? All this became a burden. I thought abortion was the only choice. My boyfriend at the time did not agree with my choice but we both were in no position to care for a baby. I went to the clinic and had the procedure. When I woke up from the procedure, tears were in my eyes. I felt ashamed, guilty, and dirty. I thought I would be fine afterwards, if only I knew that nothing would be fine. Years have passed and still that day is so clear in my mind. There isn't a day that go by that I don't regret my abortion. There would be times when I would just cry for hours. I became depressed and suicidal. When my mother found out, she was disappointed. We have never been able to look at each other the same. I'm still hiding, hiding in my lie and shame. I have not recovered and I don't think that I will. Abortion is never a solution!!
November 4, 2006
I had my abortion when I was 18, and my story is the same as alot of women here, except that I didn't see anyone mention "The Silent Scream". It is an ultrasound movie done during the abortion. It also fully explains the abortion process. Had I seen this movie first, I never would have had an abortion, I would have lost my 18 year old figure and found some way to deal with it. I'm pregnant again, at 5 months, and shudder to think of my "fetus" going through that. Sure it will come back to haunt you one way or another, but once you know how its done, and see it demonstrated on a plastic fetus, then see the ultra sound and the fetus struggling to escape the "instruments", [you'll never consider abortion again].
October 31, 2006
I was someone who fell thru the cracks when I was 20 years old. It has been 15 years since then and I am still trying to heal. I was coerced by family to have an abortion. I was young and had no clue what I really was getting myself into. I just knew I couldn't fight anymore. I tried so hard to keep the baby... but lost. Everywhere I went, everyone kept telling me about abortion and not ONE person ever reached out and told me what abortion was or that they would show me HOW to keep my child or give it up for adoption. I suffered for 13 years until I finally reached out for help. I drank constantly to stuff my emotions and pain back down. I numbed myself with drugs. I couldn't envision that day ever again.. it was too painful. It wasn't until I joined a post-abortion group and a pro-life group that I truly began to slowly heal. I named the baby and basically had to go thru the grieving process, like I had actually lost a child that was born to me. I have forgiven myself, by the grace of God... He has given me my strength. I have helped many girls so far deal with their issues and actually saved one girl from having [an abortion]... she now has a beautiful baby boy and has thanked me over and over again for befriending her when no one else would talk to her.
September 27, 2006
I became pregnant at 15 and decided to keep my baby. She is now married with 3 beautiful children of her own. I had another baby at 18, and he now is married with a baby on the way. In my early and mid twenties, I regretably had 3 abortions, one of which was a late term abortion. I've just in the last week found out how it was performed and it makes my heart literally hurt. I didn't know the facts about what I was doing or the depression it would cause. I was a selfish, stupid person. I was in denial and didn't want to face what I had done. When I was 30 years old, I became pregnant again. I was in an abusive relationship and was being told to have an abortion. I made the apointment and hated every waking moment up to that day. I just wanted to die knowing what I was about to do again. That morning I woke up and said NO!!! I refused to go through with it. My daughter, born 8 months later is so beautiful. She makes me smile everyday. She sings for the Lord. She has impacted so many lives. It has never been easy. I've had many years of nightmares and suffer from depression. I know God has forgiven me for what I've done. I just hope and pray I will be able to forgive myself. Thank you for this site and the realization of the horrific practice of legalized murder in our world.
September 20, 2006
I had just turned 17 when I found out I was pregnant. Being young and very scared, I told my mom. She didn't really give me a choice; I remember her saying "I just don't know how you're going to be able to keep it." When I went to the clinic to confirm it, the nurse talked about both abortion and adoption. But my mom never supported adoption, only just getting it over and done with. I had 4 days to "make a decision". I don't feel like it was my decision to make; I was coerced into it. When I went to the clinic to have the procedure done, I was very scared and didn't want to do it. I remember not wanting to sign the paper authorizing it. The nurse asked my mom to leave the room and then she asked me if I was being forced to do it. I told her that I just didn't know but I was so scared. I was 11 wks., almost 12. The first day they placed the laminarias and I went home. I remember that night holding my stomach and sobbing, knowing that it wasn't right. I have never felt so trapped in my life. The next day we went back (my mom and I). I remember being so upset that I didn't want to go in the room. They were all telling me that I had to; I had signed the paper and I couldn't back out. My mom and I went for a short walk so I could calm down. She talked me back into it again. I cried during the whole procedure. The Dr. said to me afterwards '"why are you crying?" and was nasty towards me... "you're the one that got yourself into this mess, I'm just getting you out of it." It is almost 10 yrs. later and I still am riddled with guilt. I feel like I killed my baby. I have 2 kids now and I still greive for my first child. Never again would do I it.
September 13, 2006
At the age of 18.... I became pregnant. I did not find out until I was 10 weeks. I was pregnant by a boy that beat me, cheated on me daily. He respected no woman and I did not want my child to grow up in a home or around anyone like that, so I felt [abortion] was best. It ended at 11.5 weeks. To this day I suffer from depression, partially caused by what I did. I remember everything, down to the taste in my mouth when I was being put to sleep. I feel selfish and cruel. Now having 2 children, I look at myself as a killer and I have no right to live. I feel my kids are going to be hurt as a punishment. Before [abortion] is done, I believe women should go through counseling... the part that hurts me the most, is that I said sorry, and wanted to say, "stop this", and "I do not want to do this". The next thing I knew I woke up in a room with other women, feeling like I should die.
September 9, 2006
Like so many others who have shared their stories, I had an abortion, felt trapped, regretted it from day one, and have found it hard to forgive myself. When I first worried about being pregnant at 16, my boyfriend said not to worry, he'd take on however many jobs he needed to, to take care of me and the baby. We bought a pregnancy test together, and while we waited for the results, he held me and reassured me that he'd be there. As soon as I walked into the bathroom and saw the pink line showing I was pregnant, I screamed. I literally, audibly screamed. And the first thing my boyfriend said was "I'll go call and find out about an abortion." I felt so betrayed, and I knew it was wrong, but I didn't stop it... The procedure was horrible and uncomfortable and unpleasant. When I went to get up, I fainted. The nurses (or assistants or whatever) made fun of me for being weak.... I had a not-so-close friend who asked me all about it, and she was the only one I told... she had told me she thought she would have one if she became pregnant... I can't believe it, but I actually told her it wasn't that bad! I told her that it was uncomfortable and I was upset about it, but I was really glad not to have a baby. To this day, I feel responsible not only for the death of my baby, but also for any she might have had... I lied to my family, my friends, and most of all, to myself. I told myself God wouldn't want a baby to be born to me, at that stage in life. God wouldn't want a baby to be poor, unwanted, undernourished; wouldn't want me to be disowned, exposed, hated; wouldn't want me to skip college, or have all my "God-given" potential to go to waste. I thought my intelligence would go to waste if I had a baby - I didn't even think that raising a baby is a great way to give back to the world. I lied to myself. I justified it, even though there is no justification for it...
September 5, 2006
I was forced by my mother to have an abortion at the age of fifteen. I was told I would have no place to go. The abortion was a two day procedure and it was painful. It has been 13 years... I would never as long as I live have an abortion again. I wish resources like this one would have been available to me and I could have found an outreach center. Thank you for this web site and I will pass on the information.
Age: 28
August 24, 2006
As a well educated woman, I am shocked that I was never really aware of all the facts regarding abortion. I believed the American lie, just get rid of it, never understanding that it truly was a life. I lament now because I encouraged my younger sister while she was attending law school to have an abortion. My words exactly, "either you kill it or it will kill you". Well, she graduated from law school in 1992 and has never really been able to practice. For years we all thought she was nuts! My poor sister has been a cripple since she decided to terminate her pregnancy and lose her child to death. She is now in AA, holding down a very low functioning job, living in a slum and has been completely lost since her third year in law school. I not only lost a niece or nephew, I lost my sister too. Abortion not only kills children, it destroys women too! The big lie that this will give women freedom, don't believe it... Not a day goes by where I don't wish I could take back my words of advice to my younger sister, I pray for forgiveness. But now, I need to help educate the next generation of women and young men, abortion is not a solution! It kills children and women alike.
Age: 46
August 16, 2006
I got pregnant and I was always very pro choice. I always stated I would never have an abortion but that was "their choice". They being the woman. I told my grandparents who I live with, and my mother. My boyfriend also told his family. We stated that we had already decided to keep our child. "Every child a wanted child"...The way I feel is "every abortion a wanted abortion". I was taken to a different town... I was afraid for me and my baby and I knew no one. I had no way to keep this baby... So I had an abortion. I figured after it was all over I would be "relieved". Well I wasn't. That was over nine months ago and I was terribly depressed and still am... I just know that if abortion was highly restricted or illegal this would never, ever happen to another girl. I support your cause.
Age: 15
August 8, 2006
I had an abortion 20 years ago and it was the worst thing that happened to me! I am only just now starting to speak up!
Age: 37
July 21, 2006
I had an abortion about three months ago. Although I am a married woman, I did not feel ready to start a family. My husband and I felt emotionally and financially unprepared to have a child. This was our justification for the murder of what should have been our first born. Obtaining the means for the abortion was amazingly easy. I went to the clinic, was given ru-486 (the abortion pill) and killed my child in the privacy of my own home. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Afterwards I felt so empty and sad. I thought I would feel relieved, instead I am plauged daily by feelings of guilt and thoughts of what might have been. Every time I see a baby I wonder what mine would have looked like, and what kind of beautiful child my husband and I could have raised together.
Age: 23
July 8, 2006
I chose abortion as a result of rape/incest. It has been 24 years and I have struggled every day. I now work in a crisis pregnancy center and help host a 3-day post-abortive retreat each fall. The results of the coices these women made are very evident in their daily lives and quite heartbreaking. I wish my voice was louder, my presence was more well known. But even though I am only one woman my voice counts. Thank you for what you are doing.
Age: 49
May 5, 2006
It was about six years ago when I learned that I was pregnant with my fourth baby. I was in my early 20s and on birth control pills. This pregnancy was not like the others. I was only a few weeks along and every day I felt as though death had come over me. I literally threw up everything I ate and drank, including plain water. I could not do anything or go anywhere because I was always sick and miserable. On top of that I was scared...afraid for my life. My previous doctor and others had told me that I should not get pregnant because I had already had three c-sections and there was a chance that my uterus would rupture. I decided to do something that would change my life. I decided to have an abortion... I still think about that baby and at times I still cry. People said I would forget and get over it. It has been years and I still haven’t. I don’t believe I ever will... I feel like if I would have been counseled properly and did the search on the internet first, I would not have had that abortion. I would have probably tried to endure the pregnancy. All of the information and the facts that could have been given to me to help me make a better decision were not given to me by the people who were supposed to counsel me. They did not care about me. They only cared about the money I brought into the clinic.
To read Ayana's complete testimony, click here
Age: 27
April 29, 2006
I am a thirty four year old mother of four who has spent the last 17 years of my life dealing with the pain and loss of two children I "chose" to abort as a scared, desperate teenager. It took me a few years to be truthful with myself and God about the abortions, at first I insisted to myself that it was the only choice I could have made and that I would have done the same thing again if faced with the choice. Following depression, suicidal thoughts, and a complete feeling of despair, God scooped me up at my first cry of his name. He forgave me, and made me his own. I, however, have had to deal with the indescribable pain and regret of my choices every single day and night. Some nights I wake up and find myself thinking of the exact moment I allowed the abortion to proceed. I find myself screaming silently "NO!", with the most intense desire to go back and change those moments that you can imagine. But no sound comes out of my mouth. My sweet, wonderful husband sleeps in peace along with my four beautiful gifts from God sleeping in their bedrooms - unaware that I feel like my guts have been torn out.
I guess I'd just like to say that I wish so very much that I had been plugged into something like this website the day I headed to that clinic...
Age: 34
March 26, 2006
I was in a relationship and my girlfriend, found out she was gonna have a baby. At first I was very scared but I soon got over it. For a few weeks all was well. Then one day she changed her mind and my heart was broken. I prayed and begged her to change her mind, but I couldn't. Why is it that it takes a man and a woman to make a baby but only one of them has a choice? Take it from a guy who would have done anything to hold his baby just one time....... Well, my girlfriend and I broke up soon after, but not a day goes by that I don't think of my baby girl smiling at me, about to learn how to walk. I am haunted by the image of my baby sleeping on my chest as I hold her and make sure nothing bad happens to her.... she even had a name... I don't blame the mother, in fact, I'm not even mad at her, but I really wish she didn't have a "choice", cause then instead of writing this, I would be poor, really tired, and working 3 jobs, but when I open my front door at the end of the day, I would get to see a gift from haven. Those eyes looking at me and those arms reaching for me.... A baby is like anything else...... "IT'S WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT".
Age: 24
March 6, 2006
I had an abortion on June 13, 1997. I had always believed that I was pro-life until the day I was faced with the decision myself. I grew up in a very strict religious family and was truly afraid that telling my parents that I was pregnant would get me disowned. I was in a daze that day, and for months to come. But when the smoke cleared, (so to speak)I found myself in a deep depression and wanting nothing more than to replace the life of my child with another baby. I thought it would take away the pain. Well, it didn't! It made me realize how precious life is and made me regret the decision even more. I killed my baby! I was the protection between the world and my baby, and I let someone come in and tear my baby into tiny pieces. I'm sure my baby cried out in pain as it started being chopped into bits and suctioned out. Nobody heard her though, she was too small to be heard...I was supposed to be her voice, but I said nothing. After the procedure, I got sick because I was thinking about what I had just done. It's now almost 9 years later, and I still cry about it. Children rely on their mothers to protect them for the first 9 months, and I didn't protect her. I let them come in and hurt my little girl.
Age: 27
January 24, 2006
On Monday July 4, 2005 I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant. When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant the first thing he told me was to find out how much an abortion was going to cost. Two days later I made the appointment. When I went to his house I told him that I didn't want to have an abortion. He told me how he already had a child and it was far for him to take care of him and that he wouldn't want to be away from our baby just in case he had to move back to his home state. I agreed with him but told him that he could sign away his rights and not have to worry about our baby. I also told him that I was worried about the emotional effects. He told me I was just being crazy about the whole thing and was even offended that I ask him to give up his rights. I went ahead with the abortion on July 19 at 2:25 pm. The abortion didn't hurt, but I cried trough the whole thing; I haven't stopped crying yet. My boyfriend and I have broken up and he only moved one hour away from me. It's been almost 6 months and my heart is still hurting. I went to get help for the pain and it's been easier but hasn't gone away. Now three of my friends are pregnant and it's hard for me to talk to them without longing for the baby I lost.
Age: 22
December 18, 2005
...[Abortion] hurt my heart so bad. My heart and my body and my spirit were broken in a matter of minutes. I regret what I did so much. I have not smiled truthfully since then. I cry at night. I wake up and swear that I'm bleeding to death. I had a dream last night that my husband woke me up from, he touched me because he said I was writhing and twitching and saying "no, no, no, no," and when he touched me, I jumped up screaming as loudly as I could. In my dream, I was pregnant and someone was in our house, and they came and cut into my stomach with a knife while we were asleep...Girls, women... PLEASE, just think a little harder before you lay down on the bed in that examination room.. The way I feel right now is not something that I would EVER wish on someone, and I only hope that you can find it in your hearts to make the choice to NOT feel this way, to NOT end a life, a life that could be so beautiful, like my child's should have been. My child's tiny hands that I will never get to touch. But instead, maybe my story can be my way of reaching out to touch your hands. That will have to be enough to get me by for now...
To read this complete testimony, click here
Age: 21
November 22, 2005
I had an abortion 2 years ago, on a November 14. I clearly remember every bit of it as though it was yesterday. The extreme guilt and feeling of despair is like no other I have felt...I was 18 at the time in which I got pregnant and I as well as my boyfriend agreed that it was the best "choice". Well, it was not. It was the worst decision I could have ever made. Since the abortion, I was on the verge of becoming an alcoholic, I drank myself to sleep every night for several months. I tried to kill myself twice, with no luck. My existence seemed unfair and meaningless after I allowed my child's life to be taken before my very eyes. The worst part of it all was that I consciously sat there through the whole thing, being pearlized, with pain and fear, not being able to protect my child's life. I allowed it to happen, and that is what has been a constant torture ever since that day.
Age: 20
November 17, 2005
Pictures are one thing, but the feeling of emptiness is terrifying! I had an abortion 1 week ago today! It is killing me inside! I was kind of pushed into it! I thought I'd be OK but I wasn't! I am now devastated! I always said I'd never have an abortion, but then I fell pregnant and I was scared! I'm 19 and my boyfriends 18, neither of us are financially secure so it would have been hard! But nothings going to be harder than getting over this! I have killed my child! and it is driving me insane!
Age: 19
August 16, 2005
I have had an abortion. It was the worse thing I have ever done in my life. The abortion clinics made sure that their TV that shows a video conveniently didn't work. So I never saw the video that I was suppose to see. NOW...........after 3 years, I have bad dreams, depression, and always thinking about the child I killed for my own convince of just wanting to be single and not have to worry about working two jobs. Abortion is an easy way out..............but you live with murder on your brain every day of your life. Don't do it women...............you will never forget. Thanks for this site! You have changed my life. I am now producing the truth about abortion being linked to breast cancer (They never tell you this when you get an abortion).
Age: 33
August 6, 2005
On March 26, 1998 I had an abortion. I was in nursing school at the time and my husband and I were struggling financially. We had two boys already, and I was getting my nursing degree because I wanted to provide a better life for all of us... [At the clinic, my husband and I] were both counseled together. The counselor could see I was crying and upset, but all she said was, "You can have a baby when the time is right". I told her I would not be able to live with myself, and that didn't even register with her... [In the procedure room, I asked the nurse], "How can you do this everyday?", she said, "Because I'm helping women.", I said, "This isn't helping me." Then the practitioner of death walked in. He had a mask on, and I could only see his eyes... I was so upset. He started, and it was so painful and violent. I hyperventilated; the nurse said, "Your breathing like your in labor, hold your breath and then release on the count of five". So, I did. It was then over. I felt like I had been mechanically raped. The abortionist left the room.... [Soon afterwards] I began to drink, I became depressed and cheated on my husband. I began to blame him. I thought if he had been "more of a man", he wouldn't have let me go through an abortion. Well, three years of this went on and I laid in bed. I couldn't work, I was completely dysfunctional...
To read Melanie's complete testimony, click here
August 1, 2005
I had an abortion 1 month ago. I will never forget that day, the worst day of the rest of my life. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking of my baby. There is nothing worse than the feeling that you killed your own child. I'm depressed everyday of my life and I'm on medicine for it. I have tried to kill myself. I have so much hate in my life, I don't even respect myself anymore. If you are reading this and thinking about an abortion please don't do it, your life will never be the same. I have the rest of my life to think about killing my own child and what I'm going to say to my child if I make it to heaven. Please rethink it, don't do it.
Age: 22
July 23, 2005
Two years ago, I had an abortion. I made so many excuses as to why my abortion was "acceptable". I was eight weeks along when I terminated my child, after viewing your pictures,and video, I am all that more convinced now that I committed murder. I'm thankful that I now am "washed in the blood" of Jesus Christ, and that his mercy endures forever, but not a day goes by that I don't think about what my child, God's child, would have looked like, and the fact that I destroyed a spirit, that would have had a purpose on earth.
Age: 33
July 14, 2005
When I was 18 and 19 I had abortions. Two abortions. I grew up in a home where I knew it was wrong. I was so consumed with covering up my sins that I had abortions. I have often prayed to the Lord for forgiveness. I know he has forgiven me, however you never forgive yourself. It is impossible to look into my 9 year old's eyes and realize that I should have two more that look just like her. I don't have flash backs of the procedure, that was all so quick and made to seem normal and zippity doo dah. My sorrow now at 35 is much more complicated than it was at 18. I am pro life now because I do not want young girls thinking it is ok to just dispose of an unborn child. It is sad to know that we allow our young people to have abortions without parental consent. Even then it is wrong but 18 year olds certainly are not equipped to make a decision for their 35 year old self.
Age: 35
July 11, 2005
I had an abortion when I was 16 years old without my parents knowing about it. I never got over it, the grief I felt through my life was unbearable, I had five more children to try and fill the void I was feeling, but it still didn't go away. If I didn't have an abortion my child would be 16yrs old this year, and even though I have 5 beautiful children I think about her every single day, I think about what she would have looked like, I cry for her... If I had seen this then I would have never had an abortion. I was never offered any counselling just given a date and told to turn up. In New Zealand where I live we just have to see our school counsellor and they arrange it and they don't have to inform our parents, I was 16 for goodness sake. I had pressure from my boyfriend to get an abortion and he paid for it (think about it he paid someone to murder our child). My parents dropped me at school, I bused into town where I met my boyfriend, he drove me to the clinic, and then I had the abortion all whilst I was in my school uniform, went home and pretended that nothing ever happened!!! At the time I must of suffered some sort of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, I was just numb so numb..Looking at this website has in some way helped me to grieve my loss. My faith also helps me knowing that God has forgiven me and the fact that I will see my child in heaven keeps me going, although it has taken as long time and a lot of work on myself to get to this point. I held on to such guilt for so long. I am grateful that I can also use this website as a resource to inform other young ladies when they are contemplating abortion. Although the pictures are hard to take this is a very sad reality....
Age: 32
January 25, 2005
I had an abortion 12 years ago, and I have suffered from it since the day it was done. There is no grief worse than losing a child, unless it is knowing that you have intentionally killed your own, out of sheer selfishness. I have had nightmares, flashbacks of the procedure including the physical pain I experienced, and periods of severe depression. I am still taking 3 medications for depression and anxiety. I wish I could go back in time and take it all back - but we can only move forward.
July 30, 2004
I had an abortion 5 years ago. It haunts me every day. I wish I could go back...If I had any idea what the horrific process of abortion really meant for the baby inside me, I would have never done it. The Doctor just said it's a tiny lump of tissue-no feeling, no brain-he was a liar! They do have a brain-they are a living breathing human being, and it's MURDER to take their life-at any stage of pregnancy...Please share with young women the realities of abortion. You can make a difference in someone's life! I applaud your efforts in this website, and I hope that we all succeed in outlawing abortion in the very near future.
Age: 27
April 9, 2004
I never really knew the details behind abortion. I was made to believe the things that society and Planned Parenthood believe...that it is not a human before so many months. I never knew the horrible things done to fetuses, especially in later trimesters. Viewing these kind of sites has turned me from ProChoice to ProLife. I regrettably had two abortions as a teenager. I did not want to, but felt pressured by boyfriend and family that this was the right choice. I now have to live with the fact that I committed murder twice and will never be forgiven for that. Ten years later, I remember just as vividly as if it happened yesterday.
Age: 28
April 4, 2004
This site just crystallized my ever-growing guilt. 23 years since my first abortion (3 total). My children would be at the start of their adult life if I had let them live.
Age: 39
March 30, 2004
My mother had an abortion before my brother, sister and I were born and the doctor told her to abort all of us as well. Her abortion has nearly ruined her life still today 30 years later. Its life destroying consequences, including the guilt and lack of self confidence it has created, has negatively flown into mine, and my brother and sisters lives as well causing 2 generations of destruction.
Age: 25
March 13, 2004
I had an abortion when I was 14. I cried the whole time. I didn't know how they got the baby out.
Age: 16
February 25, 2004
I had an abortion 20 years ago, and since then I have been against it. I do nothing but cry at times, when I think that I could have done such a terrible thing, but I didn't know any better at the time, no one was there to support me. I didn't know what to do, I went to Planned Parenthood to talk to them and they told me the best thing to do was to get an abortion. They put me under anesthesia so I wouldn't feel anything. For some reason in the middle of it, I woke up and saw this machine that resembled a vacuum cleaner and saw all the body parts being torn up and sucked in, I ended up passing out, and when I woke up it was the hell that began in my life. Please keep doing what you're doing and hopefully we will get through.
Age: 37
February 11, 2004
I'm so glad you have sites like these to help people understand what abortion is. I was once trapped into getting one, a long time ago, and I'm still suffering
February 11, 2004
I have had one abortion already but I would never consider it again, it was too traumatizing, and I know that I will always regret it. It's over now and there is not much I can really do but I do know that I might have made the wrong decision.
Age: 19
February 10, 2004
I had an abortion when I was 17 and I broke down in tears in the front of the computer just knowing that. That's what happened to my child.
Age: 22
February 4, 2004
I had an abortion about a year ago and seeing these pictures are real devastating to me because I now feel the pain and suffering more because of what I have done. Abortion should be illegal!!
Age: 21
February 3, 2004
Four years ago as a screaming, radical "pro-choice" advocate I would have had a visceral, angry response to your convoy of trucks of aborted fetuses -- as I did to any prolife rally or candidate -- and that's because I hadn't confronted my own abortion 14 years earlier, and the truth of these type of pictures hurt because I was living a lie that my abortion didn't hurt me psychologically and spiritually. Since then I've seen the horror I've committed against MY OWN flesh and blood. I'm one of the thousands of women coming out of the shameful closet admitting that abortion hurts women and kills babies. DON'T EVER give up your mission to spread the truth of the horrors of this American holocaust.
January 27, 2004
I had an abortion, most awful mistake of my life. I will never be the same.
Age: 39
November 18, 2003
It brought back memories of my two abortions. I was (spiritually) blind and selfish. Abortion clinics should, by law, have real photos of the abortion process so women can make an informed decision.
Age: 54
September 19, 2003
I have had an abortion myself. Never was I told by the nurses or doctors the suffering that a unborn baby goes through. I asked and the nurse said the baby does not feel a thing with anesthetic that is given to me. I just want to cry.
Age: 27
September 3, 2003
I hate the fact that I [had an abortion]. I did not know how developed it was at 7 weeks. My heart feels heavy now.
Age: 24
August 8, 2003
I had [an abortion] and suffered depression and tried to take my life. Now I am a Born-Again Christian, and want women to know that it is oh so wrong!
Age: 42
July 29, 2003
I feel sick, angry, and sad for all of us women who have had an abortion, whether by choice or coercion. What a horrible way to treat life.
Age: 41
June 9, 2003
I have had a abortion in the past at a younger age. I felt that it was my only option. I regret the choice that I made because I did not realize that I was actually hurting an innocent child.
Age: 23
June 8, 2003
My very wanted baby granddaughter died at 23 weeks due to my daughters incompetent cervix. Her cervix was damaged when she had an abortion when she was sixteen. Losing the baby made me think about life and death, which led me to this site.
Age: 47
May 26, 2003
I was 18 when I had my abortion and I waited until I was 5 months (along) to have it. I had to wait because at the time I found out I was only 17. I along with my baby's father and boyfriend regret it to this day, we kept an ultrasound of the baby, pray for forgiveness, talk to the baby, and kiss the picture each day we see another day. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and get the chance to kiss and hug my baby.
Age: 18
May 3, 2003
To put it simply, I wish I would have known about abortionNo.org before I had [an abortion] myself. At least I would have known the truth!
Age: 21
April 25, 2003
I have two children and one dead...murdered by me through abortion. Had it been illegal, I would have three graduations to attend, three weddings to plan and millions of hugs, kisses and cherished moments If not for the forgiveness of Christ, (because for 15 years I couldn't forgive myself). I would still be suffering from alcoholism, depression and insurmountable guilt and mourning.
April 23, 2003
I had an abortion. I wish I would have never done it.
Age: 19
April 10, 2003
I always heard that when you aborted a baby after 8 weeks you couldn't even see it. I did have an abortion when I was very young and after looking at your site I must say that I am no longer for abortion and I am very upset and hurt that I did it...
Age: 18
April 15, 2003
I have asked the Lord to forgive me. Will He, when I can't forgive my self? At the time I had 4 children, my marriage was hell. I was too selfish to carry my baby and give it away to some one and wonder and worry the rest of my life about her (I say her because in my heart I know she was a girl). I know this doesn't make sense... Not a day goes by that I don't hear, "why not me, why not me?" I just think she is watching from heaven and wondering why not me! Because I'm selfish, like a child myself, "if I cant have you, no one will!". I was very sick minded but I live with it every day. I wish some one had showed me these pictures. I hope I can forgive myself one day…
March 15, 2003
I was lied to and convinced by Planned Parenthood in Peoria Illinois that this was not a baby when I was 20 years old. Since that time, I swore never again after I learned the truth 2 years after the fact. I am now 32 years old and have 4 boys, and would do ANYTHING to stop someone from being LIED to, and save a child's life... I will never be the same.
March 11, 2003
Unfortunately, I had two (abortions) without knowing the truth of what I was doing.
Age: 26
January 21, 2003
Since abortion is legal, I assumed that it was my choice to say "No", and my obligation to keep my nose out of other people's business. At 17 my parents took me to an abortion clinic to keep my pregnancy from interfering with my college education, there was never any discussion about options. Until I saw the pictures here, I never realized how VERY wrong that "choice" was, both for me then (yes, it has haunted me for decades, even without your pictures), and for all unborn babies now. It IS my obligation to help stop this act of violence. Thank you for your honesty.
Age: 45
January 20, 2003
I was never aware of the development of the baby at such an early time in pregnancy. I also think that people need to be educated on what having an abortion truly is, and to see the pictures and understand that it is a human… Furthermore I don't think our tax dollars should be used for providing the funds for such services on minors without the consent of the parent or (without) having to go through any type of counseling prior to surgery … I really get upset because when I was 17 years-old I already had a 1 and a 1/2 year-old son, and found out that I was pregnant again. I was at a Planned Parenthood facility, and the advice that was given to me was, "You are only 17 years old, how are you going to manage to raise 2 children by yourself? You are only 5 weeks pregnant, it's not even developed yet." Now of course they asked, "Are you sure?", several times prior to allowing myself to murder my child without knowing all the facts or putting me under general anesthesia and performing a very serious surgery on me without even asking for a phone number for my parents, in case of an emergency. To make things worse, I was on Medical at the time and that means they allowed it to happen… I [am] thinking of looking into a class action lawsuit against the state of California and Planned Parenthood for providing funds and services that have emotionally damaged me for life.
Age: 25
January 9, 2003
I was never informed [about] the cruelty involved in the abortion procedures. The images that I have just seen broke my heart, and made me beg the Lord for forgiveness for my ignorance in having one done when I was 18. I wish that information like [that on your website] was available when I needed advice on this matter.
Age: 22
November 23, 2002
In November of 2001 I had an abortion, and not a day goes by that I don't punish myself in someway. The website pictures make me relive my pain and the regret of my selfishness and the weight my heart carries for basically killing my child who was nothing but innocent to my actions.
Age: 27
August 24, 2002
I myself have had an abortion and seeing images and reading more about these killings make me want more and more to fight for my child and all the other unborn. (It also) gives me the courage to stand up for them and the mothers that are thinking of killing their children. Thank you!
Age: 25
July 30, 2002
I am very much pro-life! I had an abortion when I was 18 years old and will regret my decision for the rest of my life… I commend you for showing the public what's really happening in this world! ... I wish I knew then what I know now. I know God has forgiven me, but I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.
July 27, 2002
I once had an abortion (I was 15, fetus was 5 weeks). I now have a baby girl and after seeing those pictures I keep thinking of that baby and what a terrible thing I did. I will never do it again.
Age: 21
July 9, 2002
I feel that women should be informed about the affects of abortion. I had an abortion once and I live with the guilt and pain every day. When you are in such a vulnerable state, and you turn to these so-called counselors at these clinics, they make it seem unreal, like this is not a baby. And then you are herded into a room like cattle, called by numbers and before you can even really process what is happening, it is over. You are left with so much pain. I know what I did. I will live with it forever. I now have 3 children whom I look at and wander what the one I terminated would have been like. So everyone who feels that we, the ones who go through this, do not know pain, we do. More than you will ever know.
June 3, 2002
I was forced into an abortion, I planned to keep the baby and then my boyfriend forced me. PLEASE ANYONE WHO IS CONSIDERING AN ABORTION DON'T DO IT! I'm now on anti depressants and suicide watch. This is just to tell people that it leaves you emotionally scarred for life.
March 27, 2002
I am 22 years old, and I got pregnant at the age of 20. I was raised in a Christian home, went to a Christian college, and opposed abortion to every degree. When I became pregnant, abortion "seemed" like the only option, but as time went by, I put the abortion in the back of my mind because I dearly loved my little, innocent child… I talked to my child, named my child, and tried to make the person I was with bond with it also. I put the abortion off until the last possible week, my 19th week of pregnancy. By this time the abortion cost $1300 that I did not have. I didn't have the money for anesthesia and I had to stay awake for the 15 minute, very painful and eye-opening experience…There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my baby and wish things could be changed somehow.... I want to reach out and tell women the horror I had to live through, to somehow mend what I've done if just a little bit.
February 18, 2002
I am a 23 year old female. I had an abortion about 3 years ago. I was raised in a Christian family. I considered myself a Christian. I got pregnant and I had a choice to make. I was scared and I didn't know what to do. I was not in a relationship and I knew it would kill my parents if they knew. So, I decided to ignore my Christian upbringing and go through with it. I figured once it was over everything would be back to normal. I couldn't have been more wrong. I wish I knew then what I knew now. The pictures, the images, the pain. I can't even explain what kind of wall it built between me and my family, friends and my church. I was lost and I was ashamed. About a year ago I met a nice man who was a youth minister in a church that I was new to. I became involved in the youth ministry and I wanted the girls to know they had someone who would listen. I never told anyone what I had done. Well, I eventually started dating the youth minister. I could not tell him what I had done in my past. Things got serious and we were really growing close and I knew I had to tell him. So I did and he was hurt that I didn't tell him but he did not turn away from me. He helped me to see that God forgave me and that I had to forgive myself as well. I am now ministering to young girls who are pregnant. I tell them exactly what it's like and I don't try to keep them from knowing the truth. We are engaged now and we both want children. I can't wait till that day when I can hold our baby and tell him or her I love you.
February 3, 2002
I have had an abortion and if I had seen these pictures before, there would have been no decision to be made. I would never have gone through with it. I never knew and nobody told me.
Age: 23
February 3, 2002
I had an abortion about 3 years ago. (I was 16 at the time.) To this day I still cry about it. I just wish my mom would have seen this website back then. Maybe she would have realized that abortion is not the way to go.
January 18, 2002
I had an abortion and believe that I [was not] told the whole truth regarding the facts and problems that it might cause. My abortion was a big mistake, and for the past 6 months I have been depressed and emotionally troubled with sleepless nights, crying unstoppably. I would never recommend an abortion to my worst enemy. This web site has helped to confirm my thought that I was not given the whole story (which does not help [since] I signed the form and now I will always suffer). I only hope the butcher who performed my little surgery has not caused me any lasting damage, and one day I may be able to get over this bloody nightmare. I do hope that people seeing this site, while considering an abortion, [will] be put off and this may prevent them (from) going through the pain and anger that I [did]... I should have known better than to believe I was being told the whole truth by the doctor (who) earns out of every procedure carried out.
Age: 22
Jan 8, 2002
I had [an abortion]. If I would have seen this site before I would have kept my baby. My parents wanted me to have [an abortion], or find a new place to live.
Age: 18
Jan 2, 2002
I have had [an abortion] and I am not happy about it. I feel that it is a woman's choice, but it will cause a lot of emotional trauma if she can't handle what she did. I think it is so hard for me, because I wanted my baby. I the father did not want anymore children right now... If I could go back, I would have kept my precious baby. I will never forget what I did...That is the price I have to pay for having an abortion. When I know god would not want me to have one. I am so happy to know that he is a forgiving god. I hope it pains my baby's father as much as it pains me.
Age: 27
August 24, 2001
When I was young and very stupid I had an abortion. It hurts to think about it, and if I could I would have chosen to keep my baby.
Age: 28
July 25, 2001
I've been opposed to abortion since the afternoon I had my own abortion on April 3, 1987. The pictures on your site bring back the image of what I saw that day...I asked to see what I aborted. To my horror, I looked down in the stainless steel pan and saw a tiny, massacred human being. I didn't talk for 6 months. I have never stopped grieving for this little one that I know I will see in heaven (I later became a Christian)...I'm just not sure what I'll say to him or her when we finally meet. Apologizing seems so inadequate. If I can help SOMEONE before she makes this tragic mistake, it would be better than doing nothing at all. Thanks for showing what needs to be shown. Shame on people like me who know better and let this genocide continue anyway.
Age: 37
July 13, 2001
When I was 14 I found out that I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I both freaked out. We went to a place where they do abortions and I made an appointment to do it. The day of my appointment I was scared. We got to the clinic and went in and I had an abortion. I realized right after it was done that even though I was only 14 that having an abortion was the biggest mistake I could have done... Now that I'm 22 I thank god everyday that I was given another chance to have a child. I now have a 2 and a 1/2 year-old boy, and he is my world. I just want to say to whomever is reading this, "Please think twice before you consider ever having an abortion."
April 9, 2001
When I was 17 years old, my mother, who never wanted children in the first place, forced me into [an abortion]. She said that she could not let me live there with a baby. I had no job, used her car, and was scared. Of course my mother told me that it was not a baby yet (at 10 weeks). It was just some tissue, no beating heart yet. I didn't know. But I knew that the moment I realized I was pregnant that I already loved my baby. I talked to him/her everyday, told him/her that they were loved. But was forced to do this. While the procedure was being done, I cried, the doctor coldheartedly told me to stay still. There were people there bragging about how it doesn't really hurt, this was their 5th one, etc. They're just worried about their pain, not the pain of these innocent precious babies that didn't ask to be here. After wards my mother said, "Don't you feel so much better?" Well, I got a good job in the government, met the right guy, and was able to leave that house. I've never been able to forgive how cold she was. Nor, can I EVER forgive myself for what I did to my precious angel, who deserved a chance at life. We need to let these women know that these are babies, not just tissue. KNOWLEDGE is power.
April 8, 2001
I just recently had an abortion, and I am only 15 years old. I was 2 and half months (along) when my boyfriend broke up with me, he knew about it. He later told me he was too scared to face responsibility and he wasn't ready to have a baby. Well almost five months along, I had an abortion alone by myself. Now after I have studied on the subject I regret it DEARLY. I didn't know what to do. I felt this was best to keep it a secret from my father. I would have never done it, if I had viewed this website earlier
March 28, 2001
I went with my best friend when she had a abortion. It was very hard for her and she knew it was wrong. So did I. I told her I didn't approve but I had to support her because she is my best friend. After it was done we both cried it was like something was also taken from me. She said it was something that she would never forgive herself for and something that she would never forget. I still pray for her everyday. I also pray for the ones that go through this and think there isn't any other way out.
February 17, 2001
Hi, I am a 40 year-old woman who had an abortion when I was 19 years-old. I did not want the baby and I was not financially able to support myself and a child, like I was going to have to do, so I got an abortion. It was not what I was really wanting to do, but I did it any way. After I left the clinic I cried for almost 2 weeks. I felt so guilty. … if you have a heart and a conscience you will never think of having an abortion. If I could go back and take back that horrible thing I did, I would. Please use birth control to stop the abortions. And please understand what I am trying to say to all of you so you won't suffer like I have the past 21 years.
October 21, 2000
I have never written anything like this before. My hands are sweating at this very moment. I have been compelled time and again to address this issue and I'm ready to confess. In 1990, I committed murder. I killed my baby. I should be in prison serving a life sentence, but I'm not. Was it because only a handful of people knew and kept silent, or perhaps they never solved the case, or maybe I had a really good lawyer? Realistically, none of these reasons are correct. Unfortunately, the murder I committed was legal. I guess it was legal because no one ever saw the baby, never felt its soft skin, never smelled its sweet breath, never gave it a name. Actually, there wasn't any justification for such horror and there still isn't. This society needs to understand that there isn't any difference between "unborn" and "newborn". Murder is murder, any way you look at it.
September 27, 2000
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