I agree with many thoughts and feelings expressed by the lady from South Carolina (August 2). Knowing what I know now... if you really do want children at some point in your life, never have an abortion. Even if it means going it alone. I never had the self belief that I could be a good single mum which I now know I could be. It's been ten years and the pain comes and goes, but it's still there all the same. The emptiness is still there. I thought I had plenty of time to find someone who wanted to settle down and have kids but it hasn't quite worked out that way. I just hope it's not too late. I also want to say that fear itself or fear of what others might think or a decision based on fear should be ignored. It stops you from making an informed decision, I now know that as the UK has a good welfare system as well as other support networks, I could have coped at least till I could work again. I now know that my family, even though mostly far away would have supported me. The fact is no high flying career achieved or striving for material things can make up for that loss and the emotional, mental, spiritual price you pay. After 10 years I never thought I would be saying this, but I truly regret my decision.
Age: 34
Location: UK
Date: August 28, 2010
I had been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I had always been careful but then for about 2 months I was having stomach problems – didn't feel well, but in my heart I knew. I was pregnant – I remember the moment my boyfriend checked the pregnancy test. I was so depressed – upset that at this age before I graduated from school that this could happen to me – that after all my careful planning of my life I could be pregnant. My boyfriend kept saying that we would have another chance – that this was not the right time. We're still together now but its different. We fight so often – for reasons I don't even understand. I shouldn't be upset with him – but I always feel that it is his fault. I thought too that maybe we couldn't have a baby. That I was too young. But I wanted this child.. I wanted it even if the time wasn't right. But my boyfriend was so convinced that the time wasn't right – that we would have time in the future that I listened. We are still together. And he tells me at some times that he thinks about our decision. But I don't think he realizes the burden I feel. I laugh and I'm happy. But when I am reminded of the baby that I see pass by me in a stroller... when I see a child who should be about my child's age... when I see my friends have children who were born at the same time my child was supposed to… all I feel is sadness and the utmost depression. I feel myself spiraling. The more time goes by, the more I think about it. I don't know how I will live with myself – later when I do get pregnant and I think the time is right. I think of what my baby would have been if it would have been here today. He or a she..walking or crawling? I will regret it till the day I die.
Age: 23
Location: USA
Date: August 23, 2010
REGRET, REMORSE; FERTILITY ORGANS SUFFERED BAD HEALTH.
DON'T DO IT!
MENTALLY UNSTABLE AND DEPRESSED; ALWAYS WANDERING "WHAT IF?"
IT IS A BURDEN TO LIVE WITH FOR LIFE; ONE FULL OF SORROW.
SPIRITUALLY DAMAGING AND DEVASTATING.
THE WORST FELT SHAME AND ANGUISH EVER FELT.
HAD ONE IN 2009....WAS SIX WEEKS....GIVEN SHOT OF MEDICINE TO STOP CELL DIVISION.
FELT SO SURE AND THOUGHT IT WAS THE BEST AT THE TIME.
FELT IT WOULD BE OKAY CAUSE IT WAS SO EARLY IN PREGNANCY AND IT WASN'T A REAL BABY YET, JUST TISSUE.
NOT SURE IF IT WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE NOW....ALWAYS WANDER SHOULD I HAVE TRIED TO SURVIVE ANOTHER ADDITION TO THE FAMILY BEING A SINGLE PARENT.
WAS MY CHOICE FAIR TO THE UNBORN CHILD? WHAT DID I ROB MYSELF AND MY OTHER CHILDREN OF BY NOT WELCOMING THIS CHILD INTO THE WORLD?
I WORRY ABOUT MY UNBORN CHILD'S SOUL....WILL IT GO TO HEAVEN? WILL IT KNOW ME? WILL IT FORGIVE ME? WILL IT HAUNT ME? WILL IT HAUNT MY OTHER CHILDREN?
I HAD TO HAVE SURGERY ON MY LEFT TUBE THIS YEAR (2010) DUE TO A TUBAL PREGNANCY (I was going to carry this child full term) AND I WONDER IF GOD
IS PUNISHING ME FOR MY DECISION LAST YEAR (No sin goes unpunished, right?) I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WILL BE ABLE TO PRODUCE ANYMORE. AFTER RESEARCHING CAUSES FOR TUBAL PREGNANCIES, I LEARNED THAT THE DRUG GIVEN DURING ABORTIONS CAN INFLAME THE TUBES, WHICH RESULTS IN TUBAL PREGNANCIES!!!
I PRAY FOR THAT CHILD'S SOUL TO BE AT REST AND ASK IT TO FORGIVE ME BECAUSE I WAS IGNORANT AND MADE A HORRIBLE DECISION AND IF I COULD CHOOSE AGAIN.....
I WOULD NOT HAVE AN ABORTION!!
I hope this prevents someone else from making a horrible decision that will cause them mental, emotional, and spiritual suffering and pain for a long time.
Age: 28
Location: South Carolina
Date: August 2, 2010
About 7 years ago I was dating a guy that I thought I would marry. I ended up getting pregnant. He said that he didn't want children and would leave if I had one. So in order to keep the guy I decided to have an abortion. I remember going in to the clinic trembling. I honestly didn't want to do go through with it but I considered the guy more important (I WAS WRONG). Once in the clinic, the doctors did an ultrasound to see how far along I was. Then they left the room so I could get dressed. I tried so hard not to look at the screen that still had a ultrasound picture on it. I remember thinking that I should just run. But I didn't. I went through with the abortion. I cried all the way home, but part of me was thinking that the guy I was with would now be happy. It didn't work that way. I was so ashamed of what I had done that I didn't tell anyone. The guy didn't care and I had no one to grieve with. I ended up sinking into a depression and was always angry. I would yell at anyone but the guy I was with. I let him walk all over me. He ended up getting into cocaine and he even dealt it for a while... Obviously the guy and I broke up but I did get pregnant right before we broke up. I kept my son. It was because of my son that I came to God. I knew that I didn't have the wisdom to raise my son the right way. I have since married a wonderful and forgiving man who has adopted my first son. We now have another son. But still on a daily basis I think about my Baby that I aborted. I wonder what he or she would have been like and I often cry because of what I did.
Age: 26
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Date: July 9, 2010
When I was 19 I was dating someone who I thought I was very much in love with. We were only together for a few months when I got pregnant. Things soon changed and I realized that he was not the person I thought he was and that I wanted better for my life and the child's life so I decided to terminate the pregnancy. It never really hits you with what you are about to do until you are laying on table waiting for the procedure to take place. I was scared, alone and confused if this was the right decision. Well after it was done I cried for two days and was still miserable for a long time. I became depressed, guilty and couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I have often thought about where I would be now and how old my baby would be.
Age: 22
Location: Atlanta, GA
Date: July 7, 2010
I had [an] abortion 4 months ago... The abortion made me miserable, I knew what I was doing and it was a burden. The casual approach to the treatment on behalf of medical staff didn't help either. We went through a rough time with my partner, arguing about the stupid things, we split up once and again, just couldn't pull it off in a regular way anymore. I couldn't have little kids around me for a while since they made me think about mine... it's been an excruciating 4 months for me.
Age: 25
Location: London, UK
Date: July 1, 2010
I did not go into the procedure lightly. I'm not that sort of woman. I was pro-choice. Or so I thought. I bought into the slogans and propaganda of women's rights that abortion was a simple solution to a problem. I didn't think too long or hard about WHAT I was aborting. I looked at it as simply a backspace button. I had long been a supporter of Planned Parenthood. I had trusted them with all of my "health care". All of my yearly exams were done there. I received birth control from them. When I was pregnant the first time, I remember being really confused by the fact that they didn't offer prenatal care for women choosing to keep their children. I thought, well why don't you..... Now I know why. They aren't about helping or celebrating women or about their rights. They aren't about family or medicine. They are about one thing: ABORTION.
Age: 28
Location: Iowa
Date: May 26, 2010
I was a junior in high school and was totally infatuated with this boy, we finally had our first date and I had thought this was the only way to keep him around. It was my first time and the result of that night was: there was no 2nd date and I was pregnant. I just knew I would be disowned from my family, I lived with my grandparents and they were very traditional and this would have been a disgrace to the family name. So I decided to abort the baby. No one besides a handful of people even knew. I was not saved at the time, did not attend church and didn't understand that the consequences of having an abortion that would follow me for the rest of my life.
Age: 42
Location: USA
Date: May 26, 2010
I was 18 years old and a senior in high school when I got pregnant by my boyfriend. My boyfriend didn't want anything to do with having a baby and he said he couldn't live with giving it up for adoption so he talked me into having an abortion. I justified it to myself by telling myself that I had plans to go to college and I didn't want to embarass my parents who were very involved in our church. I remember thinking during the procedure, "They're killing my baby!" What I realized much later was that I had killed my baby. I had other friends who had gone through the same thing so it was easy to just stuff the feelings of regret inside and go on with life. My boyfriend and I were engaged to be married after I graduated from college but a month before the wedding he broke off the engagement. I was then left feeling like a dirty, used, unlovable woman. He was the only man I had ever been with. I then went from relationship to relationship until I met a man that I thought I loved and who I thought loved me. We were married and when we tried to start a family I was unable to carry a child past the first trimester. I knew that it was because of the abortion. I changed doctors and he tried some medications and I was finally able to give birth to a beautiful baby boy. Before his first birthday my husband found someone else and left us. Again, I went from relationship to relationship. I finally decided that I needed to get back into church. I was beginning to deal with some of the hurt and past regrets when I was again pregnant with no husband. This time I decided that I would do the right thing and have my baby. I had a difficult pregnancy but with medication was able to carry my beautiful baby girl to term. This time through much prayer I decided to accept the marriage proposal of our daughter's father and we were married. After several years I gave my life to Jesus and became a new person. I knew that God forgave me and I was able to forgive myself for the huge mistake of having an abortion (and having premarital sex). My husband has been a wonderful father to our precious daughter and our wonderful son. I hope that my story will encourage anyone who is considering having an abortion to NOT do it. It is still the biggest regret of my life. But God is good. He has blessed me with four more children since the birth of my daughter. I know He is loving my aborted child in heaven and I can't wait for the day to meet him or her and say, "I'm sorry".
Age: 47
Location: Dayton, OH
Date: May 26, 2010
I had 3 abortions done in the past. Never got over it. I was being foolish and selfish. All I thought about was me, me, me and never took a second to think about my unborn children. I now have a 3 year old daughter and I'm pregnant. I was going to have an abortion done with this last pregnancy, until the Lord Jesus Christ rescued me... He sent a man on the day I had the appointment with the abortion clinic and he talked to me about Jesus Christ and how life starts in the womb. That's when I opened my eyes and realized what I was about to do. I cried so much that day because I was going to get rid of my unborn child... I would like to let every women know, who had abortions in the past, that there's a mighty God who's willing to forgive.
Age: 26
Location: Garfield, NJ
Date: February 15, 2010
I am 53 years old. When I was 24, I was in college, starting my life/career when I found out I was pregnant... I figured abortion was the only solution. I was wrong. I am emotionally tormented by the decision I made. I pray that God and my baby would forgive me.
Age: 53
Date: January 19, 2009
My abortion was in haste at four weeks to cover my sins. I didn't want the shame of family, co-workers and friends finding out. You see, I am supposed to be Christian. I was more concerned about reputation and finances than the life of my own child. The father already has two known children and didn't want me nor the baby. I have really hit bottom. Please ladies, don't do it!
Date: April 5, 2008
When I was 19, I had an abortion. I am now 30 and this is the first time that [I've seen what abortion does]!!! It all started nice; my boy friend was my life. I put him first in my life instead of God. At first, we were very happy about [the pregnancy]... I was in shock but I wanted this baby... The next day he told his parents and was never the same again... he started to hit me in the stomach and was very angry all the time; he was telling me that "we're going to get married and then have our children". He was calling me every moment of the day to make sure I would not change my mind (about having the abortion)! I did not but still didn't want to go through with this. We went to the local teen counselors and they did nothing but encourage me to go through with it!! I still remember the day that I had to go into the office and always will. I was waiting; I just wanted to run, but [my boyfriend] was in the office's waiting room; I felt all alone and scared!!! I remember the doctor putting what looked like a cinnamon stick inside me. That's what started the whole thing!! The next morning I had to go to the doctor. It was only a day surgery and my boyfriend came and picked me up. I was a mess, I felt as if someone had robbed me, stole from me and took away a part of my body!! I felt broken down, bested and disgusted!!! I went into depression for about 5 years...You have to understand, I was christian since the age of 9, and I love kids. I was the kind of girl that did not believe in this!!!! Where was my support?? Where was my church?? Where was the help I needed???
Age: 30
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: November 16, 2007
I am 16 years old and i had an abortion last month. I felt and still feel horrible. I am sorry to my lost child, and I will NEVER be the same again.
Age: 16
Location: Vero Beach, FL
Date: November 1, 2007
I wish [Abort73 was around] back in 1980 when everyone kept pushing me toward a decision I really didn't want to make, and still regret to this day. What makes things even harder is the fact that right AFTER everything was done, was the fact that I discovered my sister was pregnant and due within a few days of me! So, I now have a nephew to remind me constantly of the poor decision at that time.
Date: August 30, 2007
The inside of this clinic was cold and uninviting. Nurses were rushing about. Young men had long sad faces, full of worry and guilt. There were parents fitfully pacing the floors, waiting, suffering in silence. It was a place where new life walked in and was then tricked into death. I was forced to see a counselor before my “procedure” and I poured out my fears, hopes and dreams for keeping this baby and giving her life, but she has heard this sob story a million times and some where in her heart, it all became just words, not real people. She politely nodded her head and then sent me on my way. That walk down the lonely hallway was cold, bare and uncaring, I could almost hear the faint cries of newborns bouncing off the walls pleading for a different way! As I was placed on that hard cold metal table, the doctor who has made a life out of taking it, seems tired and irritable, rushing to get this little problem out of the way. He is very matter of fact, not really looking at me, but rather through me. He hurriedly explains what he is doing as he has a thousand times before, “ a little cold, some cramping, over in a minute”. Just like that.....over...done...gone...no more.
Age: 47
Location: La Porte, IN
Date: July 30, 2007
When I was 17 I got pregnant, I had really no idea what an abortion detailed. My family told me it would "get rid of the problem", so I thought I better do it. Sadly, I had an abortion and it was really painful. It was awful, I remember being rushed in under security and rushed out through a back door in case protesters got me. I was scared to death, I honestly had no idea what it was all about but everyone kept telling me I was fixing the problem. Now, five kids later I wonder about that baby and what would of been...
Age: 28
Location: Kansas City, KS
Date: July 9, 2007
When I was younger, I remember hearing about abortion and thinking to myself "There's no way in the world I would ever do that. That's wrong. How could someone stand to do that?" Then everything changed. I was 17 when I found out. An at-home pregnancy test confirmed my fears. I told the father and we began to talk about what to do. I began researching abortion online a few days after taking the pregnancy test. I found out in my state you have to have parental consent or what they call a "judicial bypass." I did not want to have to go through the process of obtaining a judicial bypass because I didn't really understand what it meant. I couldn't find that much information on the process. The hardest thing I've ever gone through, besides the abortion and it's after-effects, was telling my mother. We talked about keeping it and abortion. I explained the process to her. I knew all along that I didn't want to do it but I felt I had to. I knew I would love the child like it ought to be loved but felt no one else would. My head decided in favor of the abortion, not my heart. My mother did not agree with my having an abortion and didn't want to sign for me. She would have but I didn't want to make her so I went through the process of getting a judicial bypass. I did that one morning and had my abortion that afternoon. I've read some of the other testimonies on here about how cold and clinical some of the other doctors were but everyone I came in contact with was helpful and nice. I think that's what put me in denial. If everyone was so nice and understanding, how bad could it be? The abortion itself as a procedure was not bad. The recovery room wasn't bad either but the ride home was the worst I have ever felt, physically. I got home and layed down because I was extremely nauseus and my mother came into my room and her eyes filled with tears. I remember telling her not to cry because then I would cry. The next month or so I carried myself like I was happy and completely not affected by the experience. I had the prom to plan for, I just wanted to be a teenager. Now, coming up on a year later, I think about it at least once every single day. You never really notice how many pregnant women there are or how many moms with strollers until after this experience. I am constantly reminded of my abortion and it pangs me deeply. I am still with the father and we talk about it occasionally. Before my due date passed, I asked him if he ever thought about it and he said at the time he wondered how big I would be and things like that. When I'm over-whelmed with the sight of mothers and their babies, he can sense my pain. I think about when I do have children and if I have a daughter, I do plan to tell her when it is appropriate. I want her to know she can come to me if she becomes pregnant and that I will support her and help her in any way. But I don't want her to feel the way I do, I don't want her to have an abortion. I told my mother, my boyfriend, and myself that I wouldn't regret it. But I do. Every second of every day.
Date: January 29, 2007
I have only read a few of your testimonies, but that's all I have to read. Like a majority of the women, I was young and dumb. 15 to be exact, I didn't know who the father was, I had plans of going to college, and coming from a very traditional family, "how was I going to have a child?"... It hurts so bad, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my child. I was a foolish woman and I pray to God, and my little angel everyday to forgive me for what I did. There is a hole in my heart, an emptiness that may never be filled, even if I were to have other children. I am 20 now and still have that very vivid memory. I was just so stupid, had I known, had I just one clue as to how the procedure was actually done or had been better informed, my child would be five years old now, in kindergarten. Your site opened my eyes wide, and I hope to be a part of what youtstand for. Because NOBODY has right to say who and who doesn't get totlive...
Age: 20
Date: January 20, 2007
If only I had watched the video before I went through with my abortion, I would never had done it. I was always against abortion but when I found out that I was pregnant, I figured that I had no other choice. The people I spoke to assured me that an abortion was the right decision and I foolishly listened to them. I should have known that the right decision was to keep my baby. It has been almost a week since the abortion and I cry everyday. I am overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. Any girl or woman reading this should know that abortion is NOT the right choice. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I pray that God forgives me. The abortion will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Date: January 15, 2007
I had an abortion five years ago and it was the worst experience I have ever felt. I knew the truth and knew exactly what I was doing. I did it because I was afraid of what everyone would think of me at the time because I was pregnant and not married and the fact I was a Christian. I only used abortion as "a way out." After going through that, I don't understand how woman can have multiple abortions and not have a second thought about it. My experience was horrible and I felt darkness all around me when I was going through it. This is something I would never consider again. I am ashamed of what I did...
Age: 26
Date: January 6, 2007
I am now 36 years young and I had an abortion when I was 19. I highly recommend it to no one!! My life has not been the same every since, to say the least. Nothing about it makes me feel that I made the right choice. My life went to gloom and doom... Today I have asked for Gods' forgiveness but, how long it takes to forgive myself.
Age: 36
Date: December 29, 2006
My boyfriend got me pregnant, and I didnt know. He left me. He abused me, we argued all the time. I got knocked out and started to bleed some, the baby was in my tubes any way, and I had to get rid of it. He acts like he's happy and doesn't care. Now that the child is gone, he wont even talk to me b/c he feels that he is off the hook. And I feel so bad I want to die.
Age: 20
Date: December 25, 2006
I used to be a "N.O.W." woman. Then I saw what my 4 children looked like in the womb.... before I killed them. My first abortion was when I was barely 16 years old, 1985, seems like so many years ago. I thought I was only 10 weeks pregnant, I went to an abortion clinic (Planned Parenthood) in Ocala, Florida. They told me it was just a "blob"... "hasn't even formed yet", they said. Well, turns out that I was about 16 weeks along and all of the nurses came running in when the doctor said "Oh my god". They said it was "all right".... "just a little more complicated than expected"... draped me with a sheet so that I couldn't see and went to work. If only I could have seen past that sheet.... I would have never had another abortion again...
Age: 37
Date: December 24, 2006
When I was in high school, [I had an abortion]. Since then, I have spent every day of my life with regret, anger, sadness, and hurt. There is something missing in my life that will never be replaced. Seven years later, I am a mother of a 6 year old, 6 month old, and I am currently 5 months pregnant. I am happy with my family, but like I said, there is an empty hole that was supposed to be filled. I beg God for forgiveness. I just wanted to let you know, that your page touched my heart. I have never cried this hard in a long time. It opened my eyes...
Date: December 16, 2006
I had an abortion an the age of 14. I thought it was the only way out. It's been five months, now, and I still haven't gotten over the pain it caused me. I still wonder if God has forgiven me for the sin I have done.
Age: 15
Date: December 12, 2006
It's been 6 months (since my abortion), and it still hurts me inside and I cry myself to sleep every night. My baby would have been a girl and she would have been born on May 27th, 2007, and her name would have been angelica....but now today it is too late to go back.
Age: 16
Date: December 9, 2006
I'm a student in high school. I had an abortion before. Now, I want [abortion] to end because it's really painful. You don't know what you're doing, you just want the pain to go away and you think if you get an abortion no one will know. You are only killing something that's so precious inside of you. You only think to ask god to help relieve the pain and go and cry yourself to sleep.
Age: 18
Date: December 4, 2006
I was 15 years old when I became pregnant by a 23 year old man. When I told him I was pregnant, he told me I had to have an abortion. At the time, I felt so alone and helpless that I agreed to the abortion. I think that I was at 22 weeks of gestation at the time of the abortion. After the abortion was performed, I was told there were twins. Since then, I have felt an enormous guilt. I didn't know how abortions were performed. I used to think that babies didn't feel anything until they were born. At the time, I didn't know the terrible mistake that I was making and that it was going to haunt me forever. I feel so sorry for what I did. If I had known how abortion is done, I never would have agreed to it. Now I have two children, but both of them were premature babies... I could not have a normal pregnancy due to the abortion I had 13 years ago. It is hard to know that I had an abortion. I feel like a monster. How could I have caused such horrible deaths to my other children? I just hope that God forgives me for my horrible sin.
Date: November 13, 2006
I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared and decided that I could never have this baby. I started thinking about me. What will people think, what will my friends think? All this became a burden. I thought abortion was the only choice. My boyfriend at the time did not agree with my choice but we both were in no position to care for a baby. I went to the clinic and had the procedure. When I woke up from the procedure, tears were in my eyes. I felt ashamed, guilty, and dirty. I thought I would be fine afterwards, if only I knew that nothing would be fine. Years have passed and still that day is so clear in my mind. There isn't a day that go by that I don't regret my abortion. There would be times when I would just cry for hours. I became depressed and suicidal. When my mother found out, she was disappointed. We have never been able to look at each other the same. I'm still hiding, hiding in my lie and shame. I have not recovered and I don't think that I will. Abortion is never a solution!!
Date: November 5, 2006
** NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST TESTIMONY THAT ABORT73 HAS EVER RECEIVED FROM A WOMAN "CELEBRATING" HER ABORTION. BECAUSE OF THE ACCUSATIONS SHE MAKES, WE ARE COMPELLED TO INCLUDE IT. THE TONE OF HER REMARKS LEAD US TO BELIEVE THAT SHE MAY NOT BE QUITE AS AT PEACE WITH HER ABORTION AS SHE CLAIMS TO BE.
I had an abortion a few years back and I have NEVER regretted it. You throw religion into your argument, well, GOD DOES NOT EXIST. EDUCATE YOURSELF! This entire website must be run by narrow minded, bigoted Republicans. Women will get abortions, legal or not. KEEP YOUR LAWS AND YOUR RELIGION OFF MY BODY. Deciding to have an abortion is NOT a "Choice Facade". Intelligent young women who, holy crap, can think on their own, without BLINDLY following "god" or other fake deities, do not come to this decision easily. But when it is made, it's done. After my abortion, when I was in the "recovery room" with about a dozen other girls, the topic of regret came up and NOT ONE of them said they regretted what had just happened. You can preach all you want, but you are just singing to yourselves. Also, I absolutely love how on your "Testimony" page, YOU ONLY HAVE POSTS FROM FEMALES WHO REGRET THEIR DECISION. This website is completely geared towards forcing women to keep their UNWANTED pregnancies. I did not find one "I'm glad I did it" post. This website isn't informative, it is PROPAGANDA. If there is a god, he hates you.
Date: November 1, 2006
I had my abortion when I was 18, and my story is the same as alot of women here, except that I didn't see anyone mention "The Silent Scream". It is an ultrasound movie done during the abortion. It also fully explains the abortion process. Had I seen this movie first, I never would have had an abortion, I would have lost my 18 year old figure and found some way to deal with it. I'm pregnant again, at 5 months, and shudder to think of my "fetus" going through that. Sure it will come back to haunt you one way or another, but once you know how its done, and see it demonstrated on a plastic fetus, then see the ultra sound and the fetus struggling to escape the "instruments", [you'll never consider abortion again].
Date: October 31, 2006
I was someone who fell thru the cracks when I was 20 years old. It has been 15 years since then and I am still trying to heal. I was coerced by family to have an abortion. I was young and had no clue what I really was getting myself into. I just knew I couldn't fight anymore. I tried so hard to keep the baby... but lost. Everywhere I went, everyone kept telling me about abortion and not ONE person ever reached out and told me what abortion was or that they would show me HOW to keep my child or give it up for adoption. I suffered for 13 years until I finally reached out for help. I drank constantly to stuff my emotions and pain back down. I numbed myself with drugs. I couldn't envision that day ever again.. it was too painful. It wasn't until I joined a post-abortion group and a pro-life group that I truly began to slowly heal. I named the baby and basically had to go thru the grieving process, like I had actually lost a child that was born to me. I have forgiven myself, by the grace of God... He has given me my strength. I have helped many girls so far deal with their issues and actually saved one girl from having [an abortion]... she now has a beautiful baby boy and has thanked me over and over again for befriending her when no one else would talk to her.
Date: September 27, 2006
I became pregnant at 15 and decided to keep my baby. She is now married with 3 beautiful children of her own. I had another baby at 18, and he now is married with a baby on the way. In my early and mid twenties, I regretably had 3 abortions, one of which was a late term abortion. I've just in the last week found out how it was performed and it makes my heart literally hurt. I didn't know the facts about what I was doing or the depression it would cause. I was a selfish, stupid person. I was in denial and didn't want to face what I had done. When I was 30 years old, I became pregnant again. I was in an abusive relationship and was being told to have an abortion. I made the appointment and hated every waking moment up to that day. I just wanted to die knowing what I was about to do again. That morning I woke up and said NO!!! I refused to go through with it. My daughter, born 8 months later is so beautiful. She makes me smile everyday. She sings for the Lord. She has impacted so many lives. It has never been easy. I've had many years of nightmares and suffer from depression. I know God has forgiven me for what I've done. I just hope and pray I will be able to forgive myself. Thank you for this site and the realization of the horrific practice of legalized murder in our world.
Date: September 20, 2006
I had just turned 17 when I found out I was pregnant. Being young and very scared, I told my mom. She didn't really give me a choice; I remember her saying "I just don't know how you're going to be able to keep it." When I went to the clinic to confirm it, the nurse talked about both abortion and adoption. But my mom never supported adoption, only just getting it over and done with. I had 4 days to "make a decision". I don't feel like it was my decision to make; I was coerced into it. When I went to the clinic to have the procedure done, I was very scared and didn't want to do it. I remember not wanting to sign the paper authorizing it. The nurse asked my mom to leave the room and then she asked me if I was being forced to do it. I told her that I just didn't know but I was so scared. I was 11 wks., almost 12. The first day they placed the laminarias and I went home. I remember that night holding my stomach and sobbing, knowing that it wasn't right. I have never felt so trapped in my life. The next day we went back (my mom and I). I remember being so upset that I didn't want to go in the room. They were all telling me that I had to; I had signed the paper and I couldn't back out. My mom and I went for a short walk so I could calm down. She talked me back into it again. I cried during the whole procedure. The Dr. said to me afterwards '"why are you crying?" and was nasty towards me... "you're the one that got yourself into this mess, I'm just getting you out of it." It is almost 10 yrs. later and I still am riddled with guilt. I feel like I killed my baby. I have 2 kids now and I still greive for my first child. Never again would do I it.
Date: September 13, 2006
At the age of 18.... I became pregnant. I did not find out until I was 10 weeks. I was pregnant by a boy that beat me, cheated on me daily. He respected no woman and I did not want my child to grow up in a home or around anyone like that, so I felt [abortion] was best. It ended at 11.5 weeks. To this day I suffer from depression, partially caused by what I did. I remember everything, down to the taste in my mouth when I was being put to sleep. I feel selfish and cruel. Now having 2 children, I look at myself as a killer and I have no right to live. I feel my kids are going to be hurt as a punishment. Before [abortion] is done, I believe women should go through counseling... the part that hurts me the most, is that I said sorry, and wanted to say, "stop this", and "I do not want to do this". The next thing I knew I woke up in a room with other women, feeling like I should die.
Date: September 9, 2006
Like so many others who have shared their stories, I had an abortion, felt trapped, regretted it from day one, and have found it hard to forgive myself. When I first worried about being pregnant at 16, my boyfriend said not to worry, he'd take on however many jobs he needed to, to take care of me and the baby. We bought a pregnancy test together, and while we waited for the results, he held me and reassured me that he'd be there. As soon as I walked into the bathroom and saw the pink line showing I was pregnant, I screamed. I literally, audibly screamed. And the first thing my boyfriend said was "I'll go call and find out about an abortion." I felt so betrayed, and I knew it was wrong, but I didn't stop it... The procedure was horrible and uncomfortable and unpleasant. When I went to get up, I fainted. The nurses (or assistants or whatever) made fun of me for being weak.... I had a not-so-close friend who asked me all about it, and she was the only one I told... she had told me she thought she would have one if she became pregnant... I can't believe it, but I actually told her it wasn't that bad! I told her that it was uncomfortable and I was upset about it, but I was really glad not to have a baby. To this day, I feel responsible not only for the death of my baby, but also for any she might have had... I lied to my family, my friends, and most of all, to myself. I told myself God wouldn't want a baby to be born to me, at that stage in life. God wouldn't want a baby to be poor, unwanted, undernourished; wouldn't want me to be disowned, exposed, hated; wouldn't want me to skip college, or have all my "God-given" potential to go to waste. I thought my intelligence would go to waste if I had a baby - I didn't even think that raising a baby is a great way to give back to the world. I lied to myself. I justified it, even though there is no justification for it...
Date: September 5, 2006
I was forced by my mother to have an abortion at the age of fifteen. I was told I would have no place to go. The abortion was a two day procedure and it was painful. It has been 13 years... I would never as long as I live have an abortion again. I wish resources like this one would have been available to me and I could have found an outreach center. Thank you for this web site and I will pass on the information.
Age: 28
Date: August 24, 2006
As a well educated woman, I am shocked that I was never really aware of all the facts regarding abortion. I believed the American lie, just get rid of it, never understanding that it truly was a life. I lament now because I encouraged my younger sister while she was attending law school to have an abortion. My words exactly, "either you kill it or it will kill you". Well, she graduated from law school in 1992 and has never really been able to practice. For years we all thought she was nuts! My poor sister has been a cripple since she decided to terminate her pregnancy and lose her child to death. She is now in AA, holding down a very low functioning job, living in a slum and has been completely lost since her third year in law school. I not only lost a niece or nephew, I lost my sister too. Abortion not only kills children, it destroys women too! The big lie that this will give women freedom, don't believe it... Not a day goes by where I don't wish I could take back my words of advice to my younger sister, I pray for forgiveness. But now, I need to help educate the next generation of women and young men, abortion is not a solution! It kills children and women alike.
Age: 46
Date: August 16, 2006
I got pregnant and I was always very pro choice. I always stated I would never have an abortion but that was "their choice". They being the woman. I told my grandparents who I live with, and my mother. My boyfriend also told his family. We stated that we had already decided to keep our child. "Every child a wanted child"...The way I feel is "every abortion a wanted abortion". I was taken to a different town... I was afraid for me and my baby and I knew no one. I had no way to keep this baby... So I had an abortion. I figured after it was all over I would be "relieved". Well I wasn't. That was over nine months ago and I was terribly depressed and still am... I just know that if abortion was highly restricted or illegal this would never, ever happen to another girl. I support your cause.
Age: 15
Date: August 8, 2006
I had an abortion 20 years ago and it was the worst thing that happened to me! I am only just now starting to speak up!
Age: 37
Date: July 21, 2006
I had an abortion about three months ago. Although I am a married woman, I did not feel ready to start a family. My husband and I felt emotionally and financially unprepared to have a child. This was our justification for the murder of what should have been our first born. Obtaining the means for the abortion was amazingly easy. I went to the clinic, was given ru-486 (the abortion pill) and killed my child in the privacy of my own home. It was the biggest mistake of my life. After wards I felt so empty and sad. I thought I would feel relieved, instead I am plagued daily by feelings of guilt and thoughts of what might have been. Every time I see a baby I wonder what mine would have looked like, and what kind of beautiful child my husband and I could have raised together.
Age: 23
Date: July 8, 2006
I chose abortion as a result of rape/incest. It has been 24 years and I have struggled every day. I now work in a crisis pregnancy center and help host a 3-day post-abortive retreat each fall. The results of the choices these women made are very evident in their daily lives and quite heartbreaking. I wish my voice was louder, my presence was more well known. But even though I am only one woman my voice counts. Thank you for what you are doing.
Age: 49
Date: May 5, 2006
It was about six years ago when I learned that I was pregnant with my fourth baby. I was in my early 20s and on birth control pills. This pregnancy was not like the others. I was only a few weeks along and every day I felt as though death had come over me. I literally threw up everything I ate and drank, including plain water. I could not do anything or go anywhere because I was always sick and miserable. On top of that I was scared...afraid for my life. My previous doctor and others had told me that I should not get pregnant because I had already had three c-sections and there was a chance that my uterus would rupture. I decided to do something that would change my life. I decided to have an abortion... I still think about that baby and at times I still cry. People said I would forget and get over it. It has been years and I still haven’t. I don’t believe I ever will... I feel like if I would have been counseled properly and did the search on the internet first, I would not have had that abortion. I would have probably tried to endure the pregnancy. All of the information and the facts that could have been given to me to help me make a better decision were not given to me by the people who were supposed to counsel me. They did not care about me. They only cared about the money I brought into the clinic.
Age: 27
Date: April 29, 2006
I am a thirty four year old mother of four who has spent the last 17 years of my life dealing with the pain and loss of two children I
"chose" to abort as a scared, desperate teenager. It took me a few years to be truthful with myself and God about the abortions, at first I insisted to myself that it was the only choice I could have made and that I would have done the same thing again if faced with the choice. Following depression, suicidal thoughts, and a complete feeling of despair, God scooped me up at my first cry of his name. He forgave me, and made me his own. I, however, have had to deal with the indescribable pain and regret of my choices every single day and night. Some nights I wake up and find myself thinking of the exact moment I allowed the abortion to proceed. I find myself screaming silently "NO!", with the most intense desire to go back and change those moments that you can imagine. But no sound comes out of my mouth. My sweet, wonderful husband sleeps in peace along with my four beautiful gifts from God sleeping in their bedrooms - unaware that I feel like my guts have been torn out.
I guess I'd just like to say that I wish so very much that I had been plugged into something like this website the day I headed to that clinic...
Age: 34
Date: March 26, 2006
I was in a relationship and my girlfriend, found out she was gonna have a baby. At first I was very scared but I soon got over it. For a few weeks all was well. Then one day she changed her mind and my heart was broken. I prayed and begged her to change her mind, but I couldn't. Why is it that it takes a man and a woman to make a baby but only one of them has a choice? Take it from a guy who would have done anything to hold his baby just one time....... Well, my girlfriend and I broke up soon after, but not a day goes by that I don't think of my baby girl smiling at me, about to learn how to walk. I am haunted by the image of my baby sleeping on my chest as I hold her and make sure nothing bad happens to her.... she even had a name... I don't blame the mother, in fact, I'm not even mad at her, but I really wish she didn't have a "choice", cause then instead of writing this, I would be poor, really tired, and working 3 jobs, but when I open my front door at the end of the day, I would get to see a gift from haven. Those eyes looking at me and those arms reaching for me.... A baby is like anything else...... "IT'S WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT".
Age: 24
Date: March 6, 2006
I had an abortion on June 13, 1997. I had always believed that I was pro-life until the day I was faced with the decision myself. I grew up in a very strict religious family and was truly afraid that telling my parents that I was pregnant would get me disowned. I was in a daze that day, and for months to come. But when the smoke cleared, (so to speak) I found myself in a deep depression and wanting nothing more than to replace the life of my child with another baby. I thought it would take away the pain. Well, it didn't! It made me realize how precious life is and made me regret the decision even more. I killed my baby! I was the protection between the world and my baby, and I let someone come in and tear my baby into tiny pieces. I'm sure my baby cried out in pain as it started being chopped into bits and suctioned out. Nobody heard her though, she was too small to be heard...I was supposed to be her voice, but I said nothing. After the procedure, I got sick because I was thinking about what I had just done. It's now almost 9 years later, and I still cry about it. Children rely on their mothers to protect them for the first 9 months, and I didn't protect her. I let them come in and hurt my little girl.
Age: 27
Date: January 24, 2006
On Monday July 4, 2005 I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant. When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant the first thing he told me was to find out how much an abortion was going to cost. Two days later I made the appointment. When I went to his house I told him that I didn't want to have an abortion. He told me how he already had a child and it was far for him to take care of him and that he wouldn't want to be away from our baby just in case he had to move back to his home state. I agreed with him but told him that he could sign away his rights and not have to worry about our baby. I also told him that I was worried about the emotional effects. He told me I was just being crazy about the whole thing and was even offended that I ask him to give up his rights. I went ahead with the abortion on July 19 at 2:25 pm. The abortion didn't hurt, but I cried trough the whole thing; I haven't stopped crying yet. My boyfriend and I have broken up and he only moved one hour away from me. It's been almost 6 months and my heart is still hurting. I went to get help for the pain and it's been easier but hasn't gone away. Now three of my friends are pregnant and it's hard for me to talk to them without longing for the baby I lost.
Age: 22
Date: December 18, 2005
...[Abortion] hurt my heart so bad. My heart and my body and my spirit were broken in a matter of minutes. I regret what I did so much. I have not smiled truthfully since then. I cry at night. I wake up and swear that I'm bleeding to death. I had a dream last night that my husband woke me up from, he touched me because he said I was writhing and twitching and saying "no, no, no, no," and when he touched me, I jumped up screaming as loudly as I could. In my dream, I was pregnant and someone was in our house, and they came and cut into my stomach with a knife while we were asleep...Girls, women... PLEASE, just think a little harder before you lay down on the bed in that examination room... The way I feel right now is not something that I would EVER wish on someone, and I only hope that you can find it in your hearts to make the choice to NOT feel this way, to NOT end a life, a life that could be so beautiful, like my child's should have been. My child's tiny hands that I will never get to touch. But instead, maybe my story can be my way of reaching out to touch your hands. That will have to be enough to get me by for now...
Age: 21
Date: November 22, 2005
I had an abortion 2 years ago, on a November 14. I clearly remember every bit of it as though it was yesterday. The extreme guilt and feeling of despair is like no other I have felt...I was 18 at the time in which I got pregnant and I as well as my boyfriend agreed that it was the best "choice". Well, it was not. It was the worst decision I could have ever made. Since the abortion, I was on the verge of becoming an alcoholic, I drank myself to sleep every night for several months. I tried to kill myself twice, with no luck. My existence seemed unfair and meaningless after I allowed my child's life to be taken before my very eyes. The worst part of it all was that I consciously sat there through the whole thing, being paralized, with pain and fear, not being able to protect my child's life. I allowed it to happen, and that is what has been a constant torture ever since that day.
Age: 20
Date: November 17, 2005
Pictures are one thing, but the feeling of emptiness is terrifying! I had an abortion 1 week ago today! It is killing me inside! I was kind of pushed into it! I thought I'd be OK but I wasn't! I am now devastated! I always said I'd never have an abortion, but then I fell pregnant and I was scared! I'm 19 and my boyfriends 18, neither of us are financially secure so it would have been hard! But nothings going to be harder than getting over this! I have killed my child! and it is driving me insane!
Age: 19
Date: August 16, 2005
I have had an abortion. It was the worse thing I have ever done in my life. The abortion clinics made sure that their TV that shows a video conveniently didn't work. So I never saw the video that I was suppose to see. NOW...........after 3 years, I have bad dreams, depression, and always thinking about the child I killed for my own convince of just wanting to be single and not have to worry about working two jobs. Abortion is an easy way out..............but you live with murder on your brain every day of your life. Don't do it women...............you will never forget. Thanks for this site! You have changed my life. I am now producing the truth about abortion being linked to breast cancer (They never tell you this when you get an abortion).
Age: 33
Date: August 6, 2005
On March 26, 1998 I had an abortion. I was in nursing school at the time and my husband and I were struggling financially. We had two boys already, and I was getting my nursing degree because I wanted to provide a better life for all of us... [At the clinic, my husband and I] were both counseled together. The counselor could see I was crying and upset, but all she said was, "You can have a baby when the time is right". I told her I would not be able to live with myself, and that didn't even register with her... [In the procedure room, I asked the nurse], "How can you do this everyday?", she said, "Because I'm helping women.", I said, "This isn't helping me." Then the practitioner of death walked in. He had a mask on, and I could only see his eyes... I was so upset. He started, and it was so painful and violent. I hyperventilated; the nurse said, "You're breathing like your in labor, hold your breath and then release on the count of five". So, I did. It was then over. I felt like I had been mechanically raped. The abortionist left the room.... [Soon afterwards] I began to drink, I became depressed and cheated on my husband. I began to blame him. I thought if he had been "more of a man", he wouldn't have let me go through an abortion. Well, three years of this went on and I laid in bed. I couldn't work, I was completely dysfunctional.
Date: August 1, 2005
I had an abortion 1 month ago. I will never forget that day, the worst day of the rest of my life. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking of my baby. There is nothing worse than the feeling that you killed your own child. I'm depressed everyday of my life and I'm on medicine for it. I have tried to kill myself. I have so much hate in my life, I don't even respect myself anymore. If you are reading this and thinking about an abortion please don't do it, your life will never be the same. I have the rest of my life to think about killing my own child and what I'm going to say to my child if I make it to heaven. Please rethink it, don't do it.
Age: 22
Date: July 23, 2005
Two years ago, I had an abortion. I made so many excuses as to why my abortion was "acceptable". I was eight weeks along when I terminated my child, after viewing your pictures,and video, I am all that more convinced now that I committed murder. I'm thankful that I now am "washed in the blood" of Jesus Christ, and that his mercy endures forever, but not a day goes by that I don't think about what my child, God's child, would have looked like, and the fact that I destroyed a spirit, that would have had a purpose on earth.
Age: 33
Date: July 14, 2005
When I was 18 and 19 I had abortions. Two abortions. I grew up in a home where I knew it was wrong. I was so consumed with covering up my sins that I had abortions. I have often prayed to the Lord for forgiveness. I know he has forgiven me, however you never forgive yourself. It is impossible to look into my 9 year old's eyes and realize that I should have two more that look just like her. I don't have flash backs of the procedure, that was all so quick and made to seem normal and zippity doo dah. My sorrow now at 35 is much more complicated than it was at 18. I am pro life now because I do not want young girls thinking it is ok to just dispose of an unborn child. It is sad to know that we allow our young people to have abortions without parental consent. Even then it is wrong but 18 year olds certainly are not equipped to make a decision for their 35 year old self.
Age: 35
Date: July 11, 2005
I had an abortion when I was 16 years old without my parents knowing about it. I never got over it, the grief I felt through my life was unbearable, I had five more children to try and fill the void I was feeling, but it still didn't go away. If I didn't have an abortion my child would be 16yrs old this year, and even though I have 5 beautiful children I think about her every single day, I think about what she would have looked like, I cry for her... If I had seen this then I would have never had an abortion. I was never offered any counseling just given a date and told to turn up. In New Zealand where I live we just have to see our school counselor and they arrange it and they don't have to inform our parents, I was 16 for goodness sake. I had pressure from my boyfriend to get an abortion and he paid for it (think about it he paid someone to murder our child). My parents dropped me at school, I bused into town where I met my boyfriend, he drove me to the clinic, and then I had the abortion all whilst I was in my school uniform, went home and pretended that nothing ever happened!!! At the time I must of suffered some sort of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, I was just numb so numb..Looking at this website has in some way helped me to grieve my loss. My faith also helps me knowing that God has forgiven me and the fact that I will see my child in heaven keeps me going, although it has taken as long time and a lot of work on myself to get to this point. I held on to such guilt for so long. I am grateful that I can also use this website as a resource to inform other young ladies when they are contemplating abortion. Although the pictures are hard to take this is a very sad reality....
Age: 32
Date: January 25, 2005