When I was 18, I was on drugs and out of control. I met someone, had sex with him and ended up pregnant. I didn’t even like this person. I had been on cocaine and I was scared. I was very far along in the pregnancy. In fact, if I had waited another 2 days, I would not have been able to have it. I made bad choices. I decided not to ever tell him, and I had an abortion. I ended up with someone else who I did love and married very quickly after that. About 8 months after I had my abortion, I married this guy. We got pregnant and I had my son the following January. Three months later, I was pregnant again. Abortion had worked the first time, and we weren’t wanting another baby so quickly. So we did it again. Our marriage was on the rocks and my son was 3 and a half years old, we were separated by this time. I got pregnant for the 4th time. He threatened me with abandonment. Told me that if I didn’t get an abortion he would leave and go to Australia and never pay me a dime of child support. So like a dummy I did it a 3rd time. I have regretted all of them and I have a lot of pain in my life due to this. Years later when I was 31 years old, I met someone and once again outside of wedlock got pregnant again. This time I had my child. I have a 24 year old and a 14 year old now. I thank God I was given the opportunity to have another child. I wish I could undo the things I’ve done. Abortion is a nightmare and having had 3 of them honestly is unconscionable. I live with shame. I hate what I did. I see kids that are the ages mine would be and I think of them all the time. I want to go to an abortion recovery group, but I haven’t. I have fear about that as well. I have known many people who are in the group at my church and they are all nice. Everyone of them have had ONE abortion and NONE of them have had multiple. I don’t want to talk to people who are going to be judgmental about it. I did stupid things because I was stupid. I was young and didn’t have good information. My mom was instrumental in all of this and so was my older sister. I have had resentments towards them for years over it. As well as, it is information that they have used against me when it was CONVENIENT. I’m just tired of holding all this in and that is why I am posting something about it somewhere. I’ve never talked about this with anyone EVER. Not even my mom and sister. I have been in conversations with people from church and I listen to men and women talking about how DISGUSTED they are by women who have had abortions. This is 99.9% of the reason that people like me don’t come forward and talk about them.
Location: East Texas
Date: April 6, 2012