The late summer and fall of 1984 changed my life forever. A child was conceived. A child was aborted. My future husband was wounded in ways he didn’t begin to understand at the time. I was crushed. And it wasn’t even my child. My husband and I began dating in the spring of 1984 after knowing one another for about a year and a half. I knew he had been married before, but his ex-wife had had several affairs during their marriage, and she eventually left him. They remained friendly, however... Many weeks later, Paul told me that his ex was pregnant and was going to have an abortion.... At the time, I knew nothing about fetal development, but I was still deeply disturbed by the idea of abortion... When she called again saying that the doctor thought she was in her second trimester, I was truly horrified. Even in my ignorance, I knew that a second-trimester abortion was really bad news... Shortly after she aborted, I was at home channel surfing and trying to block the abortion from my mind. I think my television only got four channels, but as fate would have it, I stumbled on a segment of an investigative news program that caught my attention. The host was holding something in his hand and said, “Well, this is what all the arguing is about.” The camera then zoomed in on a jar holding a small fetus. And my world turned upside down. I was stunned that the tiny first-trimester human was so perfectly formed... I didn’t know if the fetal child had a soul. I didn’t know if any of us had souls. I feared this life might be all there is. And that made it all the more unbearable for me. As I shared what I learned with Paul, I could see that he was distressed, although he would often argue with me about the significance of what we were learning... about a year after the abortion, Paul confessed that he had spent the night with his ex... a sonogram before the abortion confirmed that he was the baby’s father, based on the gestational age of the fetus. There are really no words to describe the pain I felt... That night they spent together and the resulting dead child bound them together in an obscene perversion of their natural, God-intended role as parents, and it poisoned our marriage...
Age: 50
Location: Southern California
Date: May 19, 2012
I'm eighteen, in college, and I made the dean's list. I do everything right, well I guess not everything. In college, I fell for a guy who was abusive and mean. He called me names and made me feel bad about myself. During this relationship, an old friend called me. He lifted my confidence, and told me that I deserved better. I left my old boyfriend and fell in love with my old friend. He was living in a different state, so I went to go see him. He told me he was infertile, so we didn't use anything that night... Then, two weeks later, I missed my period. I didn't want it to be true, my mom had recently passed away and I passed the nausea and the missed period off as stress. My moods starting changing... I was hoping, no praying, it was just PMS. It wasn't. I woke up one morning, and I knew I had to get myself checked. So I drove to the drugstore, got two pregnancy tests, went home and took them, and both were positive. However, I still didn't want to believe it. I then went to Planned Parenthood and got another tests and it was postive. I got scared, called my boyfriend, and scheduled an abortion for the next day. The abortion itself was not terrible; I could drive myself home. But the days afterwards were terrible. I keep thinking about my baby, and what I did. I was six weeks pregnant, which means my baby had a heart beat. I feel like a murderer. I did learn a few things [like] to not judge and to be more careful. People who get abortions are perceived as whores. I am not a whore; I'm a good kid. I made a mistake... Anybody who is reading this, please learn from my mistake. Take longer than a few minutes to think about your decision. I wish I had.
Age: 18
Location: Connecticut
Date: May 17, 2012
I was 29 years old, and had just moved across country for a new job. I was scared, and alone... I had been there about 2 months and had noticed a very nice looking guy next door. We had spoken a couple of times in the parking lot and he seemed nice enough. One night, I decided to take the bold step of introducing myself. Encouraged by the half bottle of wine I had consumed, I grabbed an unopened bottle and headed next door. It didn't take long for us to go through with it. He was nice and warm and, needless to say, very willing to relieve me of my loneliness... About 4 weeks later, I knew something wasn't right. I was out of town on a business trip and couldn't keep anything down, especially in the morning. Sure enough, I got back home, went to the doctor, and he confirmed my suspicions. Funny thing is, I remember how happy I was. I remember smiling, and thinking, "I'm going to have a baby!" The next thing the doctor said was, "We can set up an appointment for you next week; we'll take care of everything." That's when the reality set in. Of course he was right, he was "the doctor." I was unmarried, couldn't even remember the name of the "father," and there was no way I was going to try to explain this to my mother, 1400 miles away... I am a Christian, and have been all of my life. I take full responsibility for my actions 30 years ago. No one made that decision but me. I have prayed for forgiveness, and know that it has been granted by my Heavenly Father. But, I can't find it in my heart to forgive myself. I probably never will. Know this... if you are considering abortion, the consequences of the decision you make today will be with you your entire life. You don't get a do over. Know that you are aborting a living being, a child, no matter how young the fetus is. You may be strong enough to go through the procedure, but the pain you will live with the rest of your life will drive you to your knees. You'd think after 30 years I would have dealt with it. I keep trying.
Age: 59
Location: Columbus, OH
Date: May 14, 2012
I had an abortion in February of 2011. I missed my period and had all the regular symptoms of pregnancy that I had with my daughter who is now 5. I am almost 30 and the father is almost 40. After 4 years of being with him, we didn't think we could get pregnant. Well the day that I went to take the pregnancy test, he already knew it was going to be positive because he couldn't eat anything at work that morning. So I called him to say it was positive and he already knew. There was a long silence and I knew what choice he wanted for that child. We both had the means to take care of the child, but he already had 4 children and I really did not want anymore. I didn't want an abortion, but the father made me feel like we had no other choice. One week later we went to the clinic together... after 2 hours of waiting I was called back to the "main" procedure room... I was given a drug called "Twilight". Immediately it took my breath away and I was really dizzy. I couldn't move my whole body, but I was able to look around and talk. I was NOT completely out. So the procedure started and I heard the loud vacuum noise. I just thought to myself that, "This is it, this is my child's fate". I thought maybe I could turn back on the whole idea and just say, "STOP" but the Twilight made me so weak. So the suction started and I was yelling. It hurt so bad... Afterward, I could not walk, and I felt like I had to throw up a lot. You are given a heating pad and told to sit for awhile... The woman who sat next to me asked if the procedure hurt as much as it hurt her. Then I heard one women screaming during her procedure. If I heard that before hand then I definitely wouldn't have went. It HURT LIKE HELL!!!! I had the father carry me out because I was so weak. In the end, its my body and my choice. Nobody should talk you into something like this. NOBODY!
Age: 29
Location: Baltimore, MD
Date: May 13, 2012
It was 3 weeks into a relationship and I found out I was pregnant. Panic went through my entire body. How in the world did this happen and how did it happen to me?! I was the responsible one in the family that never made a mistake in life... I made the decision to have an abortion. I didn’t know then, but that was the worst mistake of my life... The following weeks and months I spent with minimal amounts of sleep even with the help of medication and a lot of emotional baggage hanging on my shoulders. I was still depressed, upset and more alone than I had ever imagined I could feel. Part of me was missing and it was my fault. I knew I regretted what I had done to my child, but there was no way for me to change it no matter how much I wanted, no matter how many tears I shed, I couldn’t bring that baby back. I tried my best to keep moving on and forward with my everyday life, putting a smile on my face when I was around other people, but the inside of me was ripping apart with every day, and every child I had to see at work... I now know I am a person who believes that life begins on day 1. I am ashamed of my actions but I know that the Lord will forgive me and someday I may forgive myself, but right now I cannot forgive myself until I know that I have done as much as possible to change the perspective and views that abortion is okay. It is NOT okay for the mother, the father but most importantly the baby the two created together. I look back and thank God every day that my mother and father did not do what I did. I have been able to enjoy such wonderful things and some not wonderful things, but I got the chance to go through all life experiences because my mother and father knew what the right thing to do was… to keep me and love me.
Age: 22
Location: Georgia
Date: May 12, 2012
I had an abortion a little over two years ago. I wasn't crazy in love, we weren't getting married, I had just recently met the guy. We went out on a couple dates, he totally swept me off my feet. That was short lived. About two weeks after we had ended what little we had, I found out I was pregnant. I was DEVASTATED. I didn't know what to do, where to go, or who to talk to. I didn't want to talk to him, so I called my mom and my best friend. It wasn't something I wanted, but I wasn't ready for a child. I didn't understand my options, and some people made it sound like this was my only choice. I had to drive an hour and a half to the clinic, alone. I was far from home, going to college and no one else could know. I held together pretty well on the way there, but the way back it was all I could do to stay on the road, I was crying so hard... The one thing no one tells you is the effect it will have on your entire life. No one shares their story and tells you that they regret it every day or that they were emotionally shattered. They talk about how their lives moved on. Life moved on, but there's always a period of time where you are pretty sure the world is ending. Someone, anyone needs to share that... the best way to fight for the unborn and help these women is to educate them. They need to know the full effect of their decision, on them, the child, and everyone else involved because it does effect everyone... Regardless of the decision, your life is changed FOREVER, so they need to know the weight of that decision.
Age: 23
Location: Missouri
Date: May 4, 2012
As I sit here and try not to choke up, I still find it hard to believe that I ended the life of my first child. The day my baby's heart took its last beat was on April 3rd at 2:33 pm. My baby was 7 weeks & 3 days old when it last lived in me. I remember that day like it was just yesterday, and I will remember it for the rest of my life. I remember the day I saw the bright blue plus sign staring into my fearful eyes. I was 2 weeks late, but didn't really freak out thinking it was just my period acting up again. Sure enough, a couple days later I start noticing the symptoms and I lost it. I was indeed 4 weeks pregnant with my first child. Telling the father was not something I planned on doing. We had just gotten back together after I forgave him for getting a girl pregnant (who's baby is due this May) while we had broken up. He told me he did not love her and that she was just simply going to be the mother of his little girl... As we met up and I had tears in my eyes he knew. I did not even have to say the words and he knew. My hands were trembling, I was frozen with fear and I could not even mumble a word. The following 3 weeks were the worst weeks of my life. They changed the way I looked at him. He suggested abortion even though he knew I was against it... He would text me telling me that I was not going to have this child. He would say hurtful things like that I was just trying to trap him down, that if I had his child he would make my life a living hell for the next 18 years... All I could do was cry every night. The one person I thought was going to be there for me was the one going against me. I was so scared and I felt so alone... After the surgery, I went to a friends house and stayed the night... I felt so alone and all I could do was cry and say sorry my little one. I'm soo sorry... I am so lost and confused. All I can think about is my baby. All I have is an ultrasound picture and the sound of her heartbeat playing and playing in my head. I cry almost every night, knowing that I could have been a mother but instead of holding my baby I have empty arms and an empty uterus. I have so much regret... I just want my baby back inside me wiggling it's little arms and feet around. I just want my baby back.
Age: 18
Location: La Habra, California
Date: May 1, 2012
I just had an abortion 11 days ago. My boyfriend is 21; we have been steady for several months now and are planning on getting engaged before he leaves to go to Basic Training. I kept having stomach pains, and he encouraged me to get a test. The night before I took the test we laid in bed and discussed the possibilities. He said that abortion was the best way to go because of my age and his job situation. He said it wasn't time. I told him I didn't believe in abortion, and I wasn't sure if I could even handle it - if I could emotionally tolerate myself afterwards. He assured me I wouldn't be doing it alone... When I [reminded] him that he [told me he wouldn't leave me] regardless of my ultimate choice... I knew he wasn't happy. I wanted to keep it. I knew that this feeling would be here, but (I told myself) it was selfish for me to keep it [since he didn't want me to]... I went in last Wednesday and I cried the whole time; I hated every minute of it. I've cried almost every day since then. When I hear someone talk about babies or being pregnant, it tears a hole in my heart. I may not be ready, I know I'm not. But that wasn't the right thing to do; I regret it every single day. I'll never know what could have been. I could have pulled together and given that child all the love I had... I'll never know if it had my eyes, or his lips, or what kind of person it would have become. Anyone debating getting an abortion, IF YOU ARE NOT ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SURE THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, THEN DON'T, DON'T DO IT. If abortion is not something you WANT, then you won't be happy with it afterwards; it's not gonna go away like a bad day. It will be there forever. It's a terrible, terrible feeling.
Age: 16
Location: Goldsboro, NC
Date: April 21, 2012
I have had 4 abortions. The first 2 were strongly encouraged by my parents. I was young and so uneducated and naive. My parents wanted this, and I still thought that my parents knew everything at that age. I didn't see anything wrong with doing it because they thought it was OK. I have always worked at getting their approval so it felt right to do what they asked. The last two were of my own doing and due to different situations. Am I ashamed? YES. Do I regret it? YES. I am older now, and I understand completely what happens during an abortion. If you are reading this and considering aborting your baby - yes, it is a baby (not just cells) - know this .... THERE WILL BE A DAY THAT THE REALITY OF WHAT YOU DID WILL SINK IN!!! THE REGRET AND PAIN WILL TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY AND YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ESCAPE THE DEEP SORROW YOU FEEL!!!
Age: 42
Location: USA
Date: April 16, 2012
I am the mother of 2 little boys. Motherhood is hard for me. Single motherhood is even harder. I chose to have an abortion when I was 24. I meet plenty of moms who had their children at that age and younger. I would have been a thinner and more energetic mom for sure. Not sure if I would have been very responsible, or loving or mentally stable. I was a mess back then, but I did want to keep the baby. I scheduled the abortion but decided to keep the baby on the drive home (from the clinic) and told a couple of family members. My now former sister-in-law immediately took charge and made sure I went through with abortion. She even went with me. I kinda hate that I allowed her to direct my life like that. I needed someone to tell me what to do so I let her. I really try to live without regret and believe I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, but babies change lives and I wonder where I would be if I did not abort my first baby... [When] I see protesters with babies strapped to their chests, bumper stickers or billboards, I am mostly left with a feeling of judgement which does nothing but complicate my healing process. I think people who feel strongly about this issue do the most good by supporting efforts in places that assist women who have decided to keep their babies or by living in a way that empowers women to live their lives exactly how God made them instead of how certain sectors of society believe all women should live. Only then can I imagine abortion might end.
Age: 39
Location: Louisville, KY
Date: April 15, 2012
When I was 16, I found out that I was pregnant on Mother's Day, and I had been writing a term paper for school on pro-life. Kind of ironic, huh? I didn't want to believe it, so I tried to ignore the results of the test, but it was hard to given that I was writing an essay on that topic. I was an active member at my church, and I knew that they would look down on me no matter what choice I made, and I was right. My church wanted to send me to another church, a place full of strangers to help me through the pregnancy. With no support, I became afraid. I wanted to keep it, but they didn't support me, nor did my family, especially my father. My dad printed out all sorts of things for me to look at: the expenses of a child and the places mothers without homes end up and stuff of that nature. He would talk behind my back, and I would hear it through the grapevine... I went on to find out that a friend of mine was also pregnant. She was in the same week that I was in, 12 weeks. She went on to have her child. I did not... I felt that the child would have brought pain, misery, anger, and expulsion from my family, so I went through with it. I was not mentally there when I made the choice. I feel like another part of me went there and went through everything for me. It was like I was watching a part of my life... It has been 5 years, and I live in regret. It's hard watching my friend's child knowing that mine would have been the same age as him. It's like watching my child growing up, but I know he's not here. Because I allowed my fear to kill my child. I think about it every day...
Age: 22
Location: California
Date: April 11, 2012
I was raised in a devout, Catholic family and even volunteered at pro-life centers. I've always been passionate about embracing life and protecting the unborn. I turned 18 and went nuts - was drunk all the time and heavily addicted to methamphetamine. I didn't care about anything. Shocker, I turned out pregnant with my life of promiscuous irresponsible behavior. I put off the abortion until I was 15 weeks. Disgusting. I continued this downward spiral until I became pregnant again. I never thought about abortion with this pregnancy. I'm the mother of a perfect 2 year old son, and I look at him every day and wonder how I could have killed a child. If you have any type of conscience, the regret will never go away. By choosing abortion you are in turn choosing a heavy burden to carry. A child is always a thing of joy - something I never fully understood until I gave birth. My life is complete although my heart still hurts. It's hard to talk about this in detail. Choose life.
Age: 22
Location: San Antonio, TX
Date: April 9, 2012
When I was 16, I was in a very serious motorcycle accident on March 31, 1979. At the time, I was pregnant but had no idea. The accident nearly took my leg. I was in surgery for hours that night and in intensive care the following two weeks. I finally was put into my own room (open wound isolation) when one day my orthopedic doctor came in and told me that "we have a situation." I was pregnant. He told me that in his "professional opinion," it was imperative that I have an abortion as soon as possible, or risk losing my leg. I didn't want this at all. I was hysterical with my boyfriend, begging him to help me stand up to the doctor so we could keep our baby. He slapped my face and told me I had to go through with [the abortion]. From then on the whole thing was arranged so my parents wouldn't know. They had a social worker come in, and she got me signed up on the state Medi-Cal program so that they would pay for it, and further hide it from my parents. Next week would be the anniversary of this event, 4/21/79. My child would be 33 years old. It's so sad, so wrong, and I was so young. I trust in God my Savior to forgive and to heal as he has for me already. He can for others too. He is a very big God.
Age: 49
Location: Petaluma, CA
Date: April 6, 2012
When I was 18, I was on drugs and out of control. I met someone, had sex with him and ended up pregnant. I didn't even like this person. I had been on cocaine and I was scared. I was very far along in the pregnancy. In fact, if I had waited another 2 days, I would not have been able to have it. I made bad choices. I decided not to ever tell him, and I had an abortion. I ended up with someone else who I did love and married very quickly after that. About 8 months after I had my abortion, I married this guy. We got pregnant and I had my son the following January. Three months later, I was pregnant again. Abortion had worked the first time, and we weren't wanting another baby so quickly. So we did it again. Our marriage was on the rocks and my son was 3 and a half years old, we were separated by this time. I got pregnant for the 4th time. He threatened me with abandonment. Told me that if I didn't get an abortion he would leave and go to Australia and never pay me a dime of child support. So like a dummy I did it a 3rd time. I have regretted all of them and I have a lot of pain in my life due to this... I wish I could undo the things I've done. Abortion is a nightmare and having had 3 of them honestly is unconscionable. I live with shame. I hate what I did. I see kids that are the ages mine would be and I think of them all the time. I want to go to an abortion recovery group, but I haven't. I have fear about that as well... I did stupid things because I was stupid. I was young and didn't have good information... I'm just tired of holding all this in and that is why I am posting something about it somewhere. I've never talked about this with anyone EVER...
Age: 44
Location: East Texas
Date: April 6, 2012
I was 18 years old, when my high school sweetheart told me that she was pregnant. Her mother was furious, even though she did not know her daughter was pregnant. She just thought the daughter had a pregnancy test. The mother said, "If she is pregnant, she is going to have an abortion." However, my girlfriend never told her mother she was pregnant - at least that I know of. I passed the decision off to my girlfriend, and her friend gave her the money for the abortion. To this day, I still feel regret - tremendous, unrelenting regret. What if I had been man enough to take responsibility? I have had six children of my own. Every time I think of that girlfriend, I think of the other child I have in heaven.
Age: 53
Location: Huntsville, Alabama
Date: April 6, 2012
I had just had my second child, a daughter. She was only 4-months-old. I had a son who was 3-years-old. I told my husband that I was pregnant. He flipped out. He said no way. He didn't want it. I said, whats the difference, 2 or 3? He said he didn't want it no matter what. He told his parents. They flipped. You're not having it. No way. I cried and cried. I was under their control. I had no option. I said I would leave. They said, not with the kids, like she, his mother, could take care of them. It was awful. I feel so guilty. It's been 24 years. I still have nightmares about it. I remember cying all the way over to the place. He didn't care. Just do it, mom and dad are paying for it so you are having it done. I had no money, no transportation of my own. I had no choice. It was the worst thing in my life. I just hope god will forgive me.
Location: Skowhegan, ME
Date: April 3, 2012
I had an abortion 8 years ago, and it haunts me every day. I was 21. I already had a one-year-old boy from a previous relationship, and I got pregnant with my new boyfriend, whom I was madly in love with. I was afraid that having another baby at that time would make life way harder than it already was. My boyfriend told me it was up to me, that it was my decision. I wish he hadn't said that. I should have told him it was his decision too. I have a feeling he would have told me to keep it. I wish he did. I wish I did. I regret my abortion every day. Even though I am now married (to a different man) and now have two beautiful boys, 9 and 3, I still ache for the baby whose life I so selfishly ended. I am sooo sorry for what I did. I think about it every single day and have not forgiven myself. I don't know if I ever will. That baby would have been seven-years-old now. I am so sorry. I am so so so sorry.
Age: 29
Location: Spokane, WA
Date: April 3, 2012
About a month after I turned 18, I found out I was pregnant. I was a senior in high school. My mom is a big pro-life advocate, so she got upset, but she was so understanding. My sister on the other hand treated me like I was nothing but trailer trash. She even said that to my face [and] made my pregnancy a living hell. My boyfriend (who is now my husband), was so supportive and was there for me through everything. Well, anyway, I tried hiding it for the first couple months but my morning sickness was so bad that I was in bed most the time feeling like I had a 24/7 stomach bug. I missed school so much because of this, that I finally dropped out until after the baby was born. Then I didn't have time to go to school really, so I signed up for Penn foster online high school. It was so easy that way. About six months after my daughter was born, I found out I was pregnant again. I think it was even worse this time since I knew how I would be treated already. I think the main person who influenced my abortion was my sister. My boyfriend and I lied and said we wanted a night alone, just the two of us, so we paid for a room at a local hotel. We had the abortion scheduled at a local clinic the following morning. Before we checked into the hotel, I had to go to clinic to start the dilation of my cervix (I was at 13 weeks). The cramps were unbearable. They lasted for hours that night. The next morning we checked out of the hotel and headed to the clinic again. Afterward, we went home and tried to act like it never happened. About 3 days after, I got a call from an adoption agency saying they found a couple who wanted my baby. I broke down and cried right there. We have never told anyone. I was hoping that it was something that I could just forget about but its not true. I think about it every day, it even affects the relationship between me and my daughter. I'm in the process of getting on anti-depressants since I am 100% sure that I have some type of depression. I hope maybe this will change someone's mind and help them choose a better option. I wish I had chosen adoption.
Age: 22
Location: Woonsocket, RI
Date: March 31, 2012
The date I had an abortion was the 24th November 2008, and I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 13 years old and terrified at what was going on inside my body and around me. I was so ashamed of the whole situation and I got so depressed. I regret it every day... The person I slept with was 15 years old and so immature for his age, and neither of us would have been able to cope. I look at life now and wish the whole thing never happened, and I know that people say 'your past makes you who you are' or whatever, but I hate that. I hate missing a child that I decided to get rid of. I hate looking at other mothers and thinking 'that could be me.' I spoke to someone after it happened and I remember saying at the time, I'll never be able to forgive myself until I'm older and have children. But now I don't know if I'm able to have them. I had a miscarriage September 2011 and it just makes me think, 'have I missed my chance or what?'
Age: 18
Location: UK
Date: March 29, 2012
I was a full-time college student and mother of a three year old when [I got] pregnant. Immediately, I became stressed because I was in a crazy position, and the stress caused me to feel very alone... After weeks of debating, I made an appointment to get an abortion. I was quickly told I didn't qualify for the pill because I was too far along in my pregnancy. I had two visits to the clinic, one for the ultrasound and February 18 was my scheduled abortion day. After I pulled up to the clinic, I was greeted by a group of four people with signs protesting, trying to get the young women including myself to change their minds. After sitting in the clinic waiting room with a group of women who all seemed not to care they were getting ready to end their child's life, I remember the nurse coming to get me. I laid down, and all I heard was this suctioning noise, and that noise still haunts me. I was 9-10 weeks when my baby was taken away from me. I left out of that place feeling empty and in pain. I'm suppose to be holding and loving a sixth month old baby right now, but all I'm left with is emptiness... Abortions are horrible please don't get one, please give your baby a chance at life or look at adoption as an alternative. It's been a year and month since my abortion. I still deal with post abortion stress which has caused me to be unhappy with my life and most of the time I have no control over my feelings. I passed the clinic one day on the way home, and it was hard driving because I was overtaken with emotions. I vowed to never ride by that place again. I made a horrible mistake, one that will haunt me forever.
Age: 23
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: March 28, 2012
I will never forgot the day I got an abortion. I was at the lowest point of my life. I had gotten a DUI two weeks before I found out I was pregnant. I had just moved back with my mom and my on-again-off-again boyfriend had no desire to be a parent 'yet.' I was devastated I always claimed to be pro-life and promised myself I would never [have an abortion]. With no savings, no license, living with my mom, and a man who simply had no interest to be a father, I schedule an appointment at an abortion clinic. The first thing they gave me was an ultrasound and the worst got worse. I was pregnant with twins. I remember screams from inside saying, "run, you don't have to do this there are other options." While the internal battle continued, I remembered the voices of so many who said abortion is OK, politicians, the President, my friends, my family, and the man that I thought had loved me. So despite my doubts I went through with the abortion. The abortionist was not discreet with the fetuses (excuse the vulgarity) I saw my lifeless children on a medical tray. I hated and loathed who I had become. A hypocrite, a killer, and most of all another statistic of someone who had received an abortion for "social reasons." There is hope. I found grace and mercy at the Throne of God and have been healed and forgiven. In honor of my babies that are now with Jesus, I will speak out against the "rights of women" and speak out for the rights of [those] who can't yet speak for themselves.
Age: 23
Location: Omaha, NE
Date: March 27, 2012
Like every other story, I fell in love with a man that I wanted to marry. I would do anything for him. We were together for over a year when I became pregnant. I knew even before I took the test, there was a baby inside. I was so scared when I found out; I had no steady job and no one to turn too. This was seven years ago. I am now married, but in a twist of fate, my husband does not want kids, and I see all my friends moving on and having kids. It's truly sad when you feel like you have no purpose. I was told that the baby would have been born on March 16th. Tomorrow marks 7 years of "what if?" All I know is that I think about her, my dearest Emilee.
Age: 30
Location: California
Date: March 15, 2012
There is no religious irrationality clouding my mind, no shallow soliloquies of the unborn crying to mommy. At 7 weeks, sentience is questionable... I am not so mystical to think that a fetus can comprehend the life they were going to lead if allowed to develop... Choosing a rationally based life comes with many advantages. It means that I am completely aware of where I stand, I can follow my logic back and forth with ease. You'll see no waiver in in my conviction... Yet for me, there is also no promise of a mystical or divine forgiveness. What we did, when you parse through the logic, when you observe the cost benefit analysis, when you recount the facts, was wrong. I don't write to absolve myself. Talking may make one feel better, but it doesn't change the facts. I've always considered myself secular, liberal, yet pro-life, a rare thing in the US. I don't think abortion is wrong because some man floating in a cloud says it is wrong... it is wrong because life is possibly all there is. You deny that and you deny everything. I still follow that logic. But in January, there was panic. In January, logic was abandoned and a regime of inflated apocalyptic forecasting was favored... When you look at the cost benefit analysis of having a child versus not having a child, it is clear, a child would have suffered with us as parents. And we would have suffered, which would have resulted in further suffering for a child... Of course though, that logic only works if you are considering the decision of to become pregnant or not to become pregnant. The weight of actually killing somebody in order to avoid the above mentioned costs tilts the balance of the scale significantly... It was a wrong thing to do. There can be no doubt there. So for that, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what we did to you... I think things would have been different in a different society. I think some women would be able to keep their heads on straight, and make the right choice, if there were more options available to them. But nothing, nothing, nothing in the world makes what we did OK. I wish I could have done things differently. You'd be 13 weeks. Who would you have been? I don't know. I can only speculate, but now nobody ever will know.
Age: 27
Location: Rural California
Date: March 12, 2012
I found out I was pregnant when I started summer school at college! My ex-boyfriend of 4 years said he supported me. I was so scared and confused, being the fist child of three sisters and a brother. I felt pressured to keep up a good image. I decided I wasn't ready! My boyfriend supported me! His big brother took us to the clinic! I remember how scared I was! I had just turned 18 a few months ago. How was I in this position?! My baby was three months old! I still wonder what it would have been! Now that I've found my true love and hope for a baby, it seems impossible. I feel like god is punishing me. To this day, I fall asleep crying, feeling unworthy for killing a part of me, my blood, my angel! It's something I'll have to live with forever! And I hope one day god forgives me, because I still can't forgive myself!
Age: 24
Location: Los Angeles
Date: March 11, 2012
I had my abortion not even a week ago. The procedure was last Tuesday. I was always so against abortion. I've been pro-life since I could remember. When I was 16, I got pregnant with my boyfriend that I am still with today and I kept the baby. He's now a healthy little boy! I found out that I was pregnant again right after his first birthday. My boyfriend (his father) automatically said abortion and told me to start calling around. I did so, but I never felt right about it. As the weeks passed, I looked at ultrasound pictures online and read up on the development of the baby was inside of me. A couple days before my first appointment with Planned Parenthood, I cried hard. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but my boyfriend made it seem like it would be the best decision and it would benefit our year-old son. At my first appointment, they did an ultrasound, which I saw frozen and way zoomed back, so it just looked like a little dot/ball. I was told I was about 6 weeks, 1 day. Four days later, I went in for the procedure. I felt everything. It hurt so bad and the doctors and nurses were all so young and just yapping away. My fists were clenched and I was in tears. I couldn't help but wonder if I could feel it, could my baby feel it too? Ever since then, I can't help but feel sad. I want my baby back. I shouldn't have done what I did. There are other options I could have chosen from. Now, I know that my initial perspective and feelings toward abortions were correct. They're wrong. and I am in fact against them.
Age: 18
Location: Ohio
Date: March 10, 2012
I was 19, and my ex-boyfriend and I were and still are in college. Scared, the first person who came to mind was my mom and how poor our family is and how I can't afford to fail her and put her through this. I know she would have done her best to help, but just the thought of failure consumed my mind. However, I knew that I had to tell my boyfriend, and my decision would depend on how supportive he was about it. Without a question, he suggested abortion, and we made the decision to follow through with it. I was six weeks and the procedure itself took only about 5 minutes. I did my best to try to suppress any thoughts about it and avoided thinking about it, to avoid getting attached to the fetus. However, I could not get rid of the lingering thought that it was going to be a boy. We both decided to keep it a secret between us, and he went to the clinic with me. I knew it was going to be hard for us afterward, and I asked him to bear with me and be there for me during this hard time. I wanted us to use this situation as a learning experience, for us to grow together and someday become good parents, because I knew we weren't ready. I want to improve myself so that someday, I CAN be a good parent because I feel like I failed. There's a missing link between the person I was and the person I want to become. At times, I feel like going back to being 20 and doing everything that 20-year-olds do, but I can't because I no longer feel the same. But I try, because I want to hide. But at the same time, I beat myself up for not being responsible, and I wonder If I'll ever be a good parent. I'm lazy and I sit at the computer all day and have no motivation to do anything because I am depressed. The boyfriend, cheated on me 2 weeks after the procedure as an easy way out. I have begged him for emotional support to no avail. Goes to show, that I should have kept my baby and not relied on a man for support. I don't even know if I even believe in relationships anymore. You can't expect a man to protect, provide, or even be a parent... so what CAN you expect? I hope that one day I am able to find myself again, because when you have an abortion, you lose a part of yourself. Because you think you know who you are and what you stand for and what you believe in, but I don't even know who I am or what I am about anymore.
Location: Houston, TX
Date: March 8, 2012
I got rid of my baby a few years ago. There was an Indian man I was with. I was still very naive and childish when I found out I was pregnant. I wished to have a family, but could not trust my partner who got even more confused than me:(( We used to live in the UK back than and he worked illegally there, so there was a slim chance to get married without him getting caught. I wished to have a husband, not only a boyfriend. I was in trouble and could not guess if the guy was with me for visa or not. He tried to take me to church to get married while I tried to explain that I was scared he would get caught by the police and sent back to India for good, leaving me a single mum in the UK, in a country I don't even originate from! He then told be to take a pill to kill the child as he said: "I don't want that kid if you don't marry me." It was a nightmare. Horrible paradox: I killed my baby because I feared to be a single mum and not able to make a proper family for it:( I cannot properly describe what damage it has caused to me in my future relationships with men. Now I am in love, but still continue to talk about the issue that has made me not stronger, but more vulnerable. I BEG you ladies, please, please don't do what I did!! No matter the reason. You will know, even on the day of the abortion that it's wrong. It's killing.
Age: 26
Location: UK
Date: March 7, 2012
Unfortunately, I wasn't in a relationship when I found out I was pregnant or when I had the abortion... I waited 3 months to get the abortion. And being at that clinic was the scariest part. I asked for anesthesia because I'd rather not be awake during the process, but I wish I was. As the nurses were asking me questions, I saw the doctor setting up tools, getting ready to abort my baby, and that's when I realized I didn't want to go through with it anymore. I didn't want to abort the baby that I already learned to love. I had changed my mind. And as my lips were forming the words "stop"...I fell asleep and woke up without a baby and a broken heart. A part of me died when I realized I was no longer pregnant. Although the baby wasn't with the man I loved, I loved that baby! So time went by. I took some summer school classes. And now it's spring semester and my post-abortion feelings have hit me quite hard. I'm not exactly sure what to do! I am full of so much regret. I am back with my ex-boyfriend, but just last night he broke up with me because I can't handle my feelings. Because my abortion has made me so unhappy, and I feel like that it so unfair. I understand that abortion is something you must come to terms with but I just cannot do it at the moment. But I don't think that's a reason to break up with the girl you truly love and want to marry. I just wish he would understand this is the time I need him the most. I am going crazy and I'm not sure what to do. I lost my baby, I'm dealing with these emotions, and now my boyfriend broke up with me because I can't come to terms with my feelings.
Age: 19
Location: Athens, GA
Date: March 5, 2012
I was nineteen years old when I became pregnant with my third child. I was fourteen when I had a miscarriage, but no one ever knew I was pregnant because I was in my early stages. I was eighteen when I got pregnant with my son who is now two years old. I had an abortion two years ago... now I'm filled with complete shame and guilt. Sometimes I just feel like giving up completely... if I ever become pregnant again, I will never, ever get an abortion. I really regret what I did, and I really pray that god will forgive me for committing an act of murder to my unborn child. I don't ever want to have another abortion ever, and I just hope and pray to god that he will bless me with a new life.
Age: 21
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Date: March 4, 2012
I guess I know more about abortion than the average person. I've had three. Of course, as I look back, I see I blamed everyone but myself... I feel men or people who never have gone through this torture should have no say in it. It is not a choice. There isn't a woman alive who will choose to kill her own child. Every single woman who aborts does it because of financial or family pressure... When is it going to end?... Please, if you're reading this, do not have an abortion. Carry your child to term. You will live to regret your decision. I don't care how sure you are right now. You will realize how right I am as soon as the abortion is over. The dark feeling comes then, the black realization that your child is now a mass of blood in a garbage can. Please learn from what I've done to myself. I imagine my children, who they would have been... The pain is forever.... I feel dirty and horrible and always will, no matter how much I pray for forgiveness. Please, respect your body. It's a temple of the Holy Spirit and you have no right having sex before you are an adult. Sex is meant for reproduction between married adults or consenting ADULTS. Teens are not adults. I know you long to be, but please accept your parents' guidance and listen to them. God gave you parents so they can care for you. Don't be belligerent and hostile to them, even if they have faults, which they do. They're human! Honor your parents. That's where I went wrong years ago. My life will never be what it could have been. Please learn from me. Thank you for reading this, and God bless you.
Age: 63
Location: Utica, New York
Date: February 27, 2012
When I found out I was pregnant, I was in such shock... I didn't know what to tell the father. We weren't in a relationship, but he is the father of my twin girls. He seemed okay with having [the abortion]. I already had my mind made up. But a piece of me didn't want to do it. It felt like a dream, it felt unreal. So the following day I had an ultrasound. They told me I was 5-weeks and would have to come back in a few days to have the procedure done... After leaving there, knowing I had to come back in a few days and have it done, I touched my belly and now understood why I was eating all crazy and everything in the house! And I knew that I wasn't going to keep it, already having children and not being in a relationship with their father. I knew this would be the right choice. I take care of my 11-year-old by myself. His father is not around, and I didn't want to take the chance of that happening again. I felt that it was the right thing to do. On 2/12/2012, yes Valentines day! the worst day ever to have it done... I had the procedure. I went back, they said I was 6-weeks, explained the procedure, put an IV in and before I knew it, it was all over. I felt so ashamed and empty. I kept thinking that I just threw a baby away, like it was nothing. It was living inside me, and I just threw it away! I wanted it back! It was too late. I have been so depressed since then. I went back for my follow up two days ago, and the nurse told me everything looked good. I saw the sonogram and [the womb] was emptied, empty like me. I keep telling myself it was for the better, but inside I know it was wrong. If you are planning on having an abortion, take a few days or a week to think about it. Don't rush into it like I did... My baby would have been born on October 11, 2012. Now I have two dates that I will remember for ever. Emotionally it hurts. I don't think this pain will ever go away!
Age: 27
Location: Baltimore, MD
Date: February 26, 2012
I was 15 when I had an abortion. When I got pregnant, I was scared to tell anyone and I decided to tell my granny instead of my mom. I was against abortion, and I told my granny I wouldn't get one, and she blew up with anger towards me. It seemed like I was the only one who knew it was a bad decision. My boyfriend was against it too until I told him how my granny reacted and then he just told me to get an abortion because he didn't want my family to look at him different. I started feeling confused and angry because I didn't want one done. I knew it was my decision, but my boyfriend saying that just made my choice change. We told my mom and she was upset, but she took it better than I thought. A few days later we went to the clinic. When I was about to give the lady the money, my boyfriend told me to not get one anymore and I was angry because it was last minute. I still ended up doing it and got an ultrasound picture. Just looking at it puts tears down my face. I know I was young, but I don't think it's right to take a life. I regret doing it still, and I hope I can be able to have kids in the future with him. That abortion was the worst thing I've ever had to go through, and it breaks me apart everyday I hate having to live with this guilt. :'(
Age: 16
Date: February 22, 2012
I had an abortion in October 2011. I was young and made a decision that was not smart. My baby's father was older than me, and to top it off, he was married. I felt so alone and I wanted to keep my baby, but the situation was [messed] up. I know my life would have been different. A baby is a blessing... I'm starting to think I made the worse decision in my life. Even now, I would be 6 1/2 months. Think about it... protect your self and your heart.
Age: 20
Location: New York City
Date: February 21, 2012
I never dreamed I could be pregnant, and when I found out I was only 20. It was a shock and scary. I had a boyfriend who had two children already, and he had filled my head with lies, saying he wanted me to have his child and even had the fake tears to go along with it. But when I found out I was pregnant in August of 2009, instead of being happy about the whole thing, he told me if I didn't get rid of the child, I would no longer be a part of his life. I was shocked and heartbroken, and to make matters worse, I had to face my critical mother with the news. As expected she was furious and called me a whore in front of my aunt, uncle, and two brothers and then told me I didn't have a choice, and I would get an abortion or face being disowned and so reluctantly, I had the procedure done a few weeks shy of my 21 birthday, which my mom commented was my birthday present. It was an extremely painful experience because they did not numb me like they were supposed to and so I felt everything, and the pressure was unbearable. I cried the whole way through. Afterwards, I felt so ashamed and saddened and they even give you a sonogram picture to keep, which made it even worse. but that wouldn't be my last visit to the clinic because in October I got pregnant a second time and was very against going through the torture again, but my mother was constantly putting me down saying I wouldn't be a good mom and she wouldn't be a part of my life and my boyfriend ended up blocking my number after I told him and turned his whole family against me and so I was all alone and went in December to get a second abortion. I regret the choice everyday and still carry hate towards my mother for putting me through that and not supporting me. People are very negative about abortion and I have been called horrible things because of it. It doesn't help my already emotional grief.
Age: 23
Location: Wichita, KS
Date: February 21, 2012
I was a teenager, pregnant and scared. My boyfriend wanted nothing to do with a baby, and I didn't feel I could support one. I had an abortion, and it was the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through. No one should have to go through this. I wish I had taken better care of my body and made sure that I would not be pregnant until I was ready to be a mother.
Age: 40
Location: Rye, NY
Date: February 21, 2012
Sitting here trying to describe what happened to me is extremely difficult. Even after 27 years, I find it hard to come to terms with it. I was 21, pregnant with a boyfriend who I liked but wasn't in love with. We went to a clinic for the abortion and everything in me was telling me to get back in the car and go home. Before they put me under, I said that I had changed my mind and tried to get up. The next thing I knew, I was waking up with no baby, horrible cramps, and bleeding heavily. I was in shock, how could they have done that to me? Where did my choice go? A week later, I had cramps so severe, it was nothing like I had ever experienced. When we called the clinic, we were told to put an ice pack on my stomach and keep my feet elevated. We went to the grocery store to get something for the pain. I couldn't even walk at this point and my boyfriend went in while I laid in the back of the car. All of a sudden, I was gushing blood. I put my hands between my legs to stop the bleeding and was covered with blood up to my elbows when my boyfriend came out to the car. When we called the clinic again, we were specifically told not to go to the hospital, that it was nothing to be concerned about. We went to a friends house nearby and for the next 12 hours I laid on the bathroom floor hemorrhaging. I now know that they punctured my uterus during the abortion. I can't believe I didn't bleed to death. One of my daughters recently said to me, that having an abortion is a personal choice and asked what would I have done if I hadn't have had one? I told her, very clearly, that I would have been forced to take responsibility for my choices and raise her brother or sister. It would have worked out fine and probably would have made me a stronger person. I can't undo what happened all those years ago, but I can stand up now and tell women that having sex is a choice, so take responsibility for your body before you get yourself pregnant.
Age: 48
Location: Sequim, WA
Date: February 17, 2012
This is such a heart wrenching story, I don't know where to begin. This happened last year, in June 2011, yet it feels just like yesterday. I was living with my parents and brothers down in Florida. I was in my second year of college, and my life was just terrible. I was so unhappy and my parents had all my control and freedom. Soon after, I met my husband (then boyfriend), and he just pulled me right out of this depressing hole of emotions that I was in. He was like my guardian angel. We quickly fell in love and I got pregnant in march of 2011. Being pregnant and having a wonderful man in my life made me the happiest person in the world. I did a complete 180 and my life changed for the better. Thinking that my mom went through the same thing I did (abortion at 19), I thought she would've understood my position... I wrote a note telling her I was pregnant and that I was going to move in with my husband and we were keeping the baby. When she read that, she was mortified, and she just sat there and cried. She yelled at me and said such horrible things. When my dad came home, we told him, and he gave me an ultimatum. My mom and his exact words were, " You can either keep the bastard child and we cut off all ties with you, or you have an abortion and everything goes back to normal. You can have a lot of freedom." To this day, those words still ring in my ears. My parents are liars, and I believed them. I really thought that things would get better. So I listened to them, which is the biggest mistake I ever made. I remember the day before my abortion, June 04 2011, I went to a park and sat by the lake with my husband. And we just held each other and cried. He didn't want me to do it, and even I didn't want to do it. But I foolishly thought that this would improve relations with my family...
Age: 20
Location: Richmond Hill, NY
Date: February 16, 2012
I was 16 when I became pregnant for the first time. I was unmarried, in high school, and so uninformed. The father of my baby was also 16 and was too afraid to even tell his Catholic parents about the pregnancy. Instead, he moved away for the summer to live with his sister... After two weeks of being unable to keep any food down... my mom decided we needed to go to the doctor to see what was wrong. The test came back positive. I was pregnant, and no one was more surprised than I. The doctor gave my mother a sheet of paper with information on a clinic called Concord Medical Center located in Downtown Chicago to follow up with. I guess I knew what the clinic was. However, I never really thought about pregnancy, let alone abortion. My mother made an appointment for the following week and we went to the clinic. We met with a nurse who explained our options as far as whether or not I was to be awake or put to sleep for the “procedure.” Then we were taken into a room to view a short video on what to expect. I’m not sure at what point I became upset, but I did. I demanded that we go home and my mother made another appointment for two days later. I was already at 12 weeks. My mom had a talk with my dad. It was decided that they would pay the extra money and have me put to sleep for the “procedure” since I had been so upset. My Dad was not completely supportive of the decision. Looking back, I wonder why no other option was ever discussed. Especially since my parents had been unable to conceive and had adopted me, their only child, as an infant... In the weeks that followed (my abortion), I began to have a recurring dream. In the dream, I was in a pit of rocks and above my head was a small baby in a noose. It was almost like I was waiting to be stoned to death for my crime. This was a little odd as I was not a Christian at the time, but it was obvious that, somewhere on the inside, I knew that what I had done was wrong. The other thing that was obvious was the overwhelming sadness I felt...
Age: 50
Location: Kansas City, MO
Date: February 10, 2012
I'm a working mother, 24 years old, with 2 children, 7 and 4 years of age–still trying to get through college and advance my career. When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. It was unplanned and unexpected. The day after the unprotected sex, I went to the Pharmacist and took the Plan B Pill, which I thought would be successful. It was not. I took a pregnancy test two weeks later which confirmed positive. I remember looking at the test astonished. The father and I were on up and down roller-coaster for most of the year and a half we were together. A lot of emotional, mental abuse, lack of affection, infidelity, the list goes on... It was 1.7.12 when I scheduled my 1st counseling session for abortion. When I saw my angel on that ultrasound, my heart melted with joy. I even saved a picture on my phone. Still having doubts because of all the scrutiny, I went in the next business day for the procedure. Laid back on the table, the doctor placed the speculum and inserted the needle that contained numbing medication into my cervix. It was then something came over me and I screamed "I cant do this to my baby," and he stopped. I couldn't do it. I had made up my mind, I would keep my baby regardless of all odds... On 2.4.12 I was back in the clinic, and I did it. I gave another man permission to murder my child!!!! It was awful, and even though I felt alone when I was pregnant, I never felt more alone, not having my baby inside of me... My life has changed completely. I will never be the same woman as before. I feel worthless. I felt it was a selfish choice. More than anything I wouldn't have regretted my baby when I looked into his/her eyes on 8.4.12. But I regret doing that to my Angel. I'm serious people, these Regret stories or serious. Abortion is nothing to play with. Raising a child is not as life altering as dealing with the mental anguish you'll carry from ridding what you think is a "Major Problem" or "Major Delay." You were given that life for a reason, cherish it. My baby is now in God's hands, and I pray that if he gives me another privilege to carry a child, my unborn's soul shines through his brother or sister.
Age: 24
Location: Greensborro, NC
Date: February 5, 2012
I saw an anti-abortion booth at a traveling fair when I was 10. I held onto the little card they gave out of a fetus cartoon with the bubble, " I have rights too!!!" for at least 10 years. It got all dirty and dog-eared, but I kept it. (I threw it out after my abortion.) I was a good Protestant girl from a broken, poor, and dysfunctional family... I ended up 18 in the South with an alcoholic boyfriend I was afraid of, a guy I had met in Jersey. The man performing the abortion looked like Mussolini with a slick smile, as if he might try to pick me up in a bar under different circumstances. No counseling, "We prefer cash..." Even at 18, I was on to their B.S. game. But I just wanted sweet relief, and I was afraid of more welfare offices. It wasn't even the guy... It was being alone and poor that scared me most... I went back to the "ladies health emporium" a week later for the check-up, because I so wanted to have babies someday and saw the picket signs at the entrance. Why hadn't they been there the week before? Like many other gals in the same situation, I spent the next six and a half months crying in spurts, furious and ashamed. Suckered. Baby clothes in a store killing me. Phantom love asking why. I got pregnant with the next guy as a sub-conscious band-aid. Both times my birth control failed, but I think it was all emotion controlling it. He spat on me and walked away when I refused another abortion. I went straight to the welfare office, HEAD HELD HIGH... I love that now-grown woman with all my heart, and her sister and brother too. I wasn't on welfare long. I went to college, and I pay taxes and married a great guy. IT IS ALL ABOUT VALUING YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL AND UTERUS!!! Walk like you own it with that baby in your arms because life and love is all yours, and so many will help you in that journey...
Age: 45
Location: USA
Date: February 2, 2012
Growing up as a teen, I remember being very depressed and angry. I became promiscuous at a very young age, looking for someone to love me. At the age of 19, I became pregnant. I knew my life was about to change drastically, but I didn't expect what came next. I was strongly encouraged to abort. This scared me. Abortion was far from my mind. Every part of me knew abortion was wrong and every part of me wanted the child inside of me. I knew the child's father was gripped with fear. I too had my own fears but none so great that I didn't want my baby. After many discussions and many tears, I decided to keep this child. But I was left alone, abandoned, hurt, confused and eventually very angry, not knowing what I was going to do or how I would make it, just knowing that I had too. This is where the trauma in regards to abortion began to affect my life...Soon after my son was born, I became pregnant again. This time I was told if I wanted to keep the baby, it was my choice. But this time, thoughts of keeping my baby were far from my mind, and abortion seemed to be the immediate answer. I had become so numb and angry, I couldn't even feel love towards my second child. I felt so alone during the pregnancy of my first child that this time, fear gripped me, and I couldn't even think of trying to go through it again. Having a child seemed to me to be (a painful experience) something that brought on rejection and sadness, and although I tried to wear a smile on my face, I didn't want to be sad anymore. So by what is called “choice,” I had an abortion, which in reality was no “choice” at all. It was the fact that now I was gripped with the fear of having a similar experience that lead me into my wrong decision. The affects of those two experiences caused me not to be able to stay in the relationship. Not only was I struggling inside, but now my son was being separated from his father which was devastating... I continued on in life, not knowing where I was headed. Every relationship and every decision I made seemed to be wrong...
Date: January 27, 2012
I am a 29 year old woman. I have 8 children with my partner, the youngest is 7 months. My partner has depression, and I didn't think life could get any harder until 3 days ago. I had an abortion. My partner and I agreed we couldn't cope with another child, although I didn't want the abortion. He thought it was the right thing to do. I went in hospital on Thursday and from the time I got on the ward, I couldn't stop crying. I was hoping and praying that my partner would tell me not to do it. It was a hope that came too late. I had the surgical procedure and was sterilised so I cant ever have more children. I can tell you now it was the worst mistake of my life. I would rather cope with 10 children than the effects of abortion. How do I have the right to kill my child? I cry all the time. I've killed my baby, and I will never be able to have another. But I don't deserve another baby after what I have done. I hate myself and my partner. I think I should have died with my baby, but that would not be fair to my other children, so my punishment is to live with the hurt and pain of what I've done for the rest of my life. I hope anyone thinking of abortion will please think again because unless you're heartless, the effects of abortion can destroy your life as well as your unborn child. Believe me, I know!
Age: 29
Location: UK
Date: January 22, 2012
In October of last year, I found out that I had become pregnant with my first child. The father and I were/are in a relationship and discussed heavily the options I had as the mother. Naturally every option crosses your mind at least once. Before I became pregnant and put in that situation I never would have thought I would consider an abortion. A couple weeks passed since I got a positive result, and I was still convinced adoption was the route I would go. Then my boyfriend said there's no way you can see your baby come out and immediately hand it over to just anyone. I thought about what he said and he was right, so we called the local Planned Parenthood to schedule my surgical procedure. On 11-11-11, I was no longer a mother and after I realized what I just did... KILLED A LIVING PERSON, I had a hard time believing God could ever forgive me for what I had just done. Not one day passes that I don't think about what I did for selfish reasons. My boyfriend and I deeply regret it, but have found refuge in God's forgiveness. He shows me his sorrow for what I have done by never letting me forget how wrong what I did was. We have decided to get matching tattoos to "brand us" so that we are able to educate people about how emotional and traumatic this has been for us, and hopefully shed some light on a very dark issue.
Age: 19
Location: Elkhart, IN
Date: January 21, 2012
At the hands of my mother, I was forced to abort my child at 17 years old. I was never given the option to choose for myself if becoming a mother was right for me. The subsequent results were promiscuity followed by additional abortions, guilt, self hatred, etc. I am a mother now with wonderful children. It has not been easy, but I am so relieved to have had them. Through Christ, I was able to see that my other children are waiting for me in heaven (Psalm 139) and I am allowing God to heal me so that I may get there to be reunited. I love them and I am sorry for choosing sinful behavior in the past over being responsible. I pray for those that have experienced this pain, as it hurts deep and long. Abortion is a lie of convenience. I have had to forgive my mother and myself for my children's lives. Christ is a healer and I am no longer condemned, but redeemed and hopeful of His return to see my babies. In the meantime, I trust God to help me raise my two living children and know that I have shared with them the pain of making difficult choices and working your way out of the decision and the results. I pray they hold onto the lessons and to Christ to keep them chaste and aligned with Christ's command for Holiness and a body that is a living sacrifice. I pray for anyone reading this, that they will find their way to healing through Christ and embrace a relationship with Him to ensure either prevention of the painful effects, or reconciliation to Him and your child(ren).
Age: 43
Location: New York
Date: January 20, 2012
I have had several abortions. My first was in 2001. Instant regret. I was all alone, in the military and all my friends had turned against me. Including my parents. For my second abortion, my mom took me and paid for it. Instant regret. I then abused drugs and alcohol for many years. God graciously saw fit for me to become pregnant again. I had my daughter. She is now six and simply amazing. Last August I became pregnant again. The doctors told me it was a blighted ovum and I would miscarry. I did not want to wait, so I went to Planned Parenthood and got a pill. I feel like it was another abortion. I am so sad. It brought up all the feelings I had from the past. I am forgiven by my Savior and recently became a Christian. I know that God will use me to help women decide to keep their babies. Abortion hurts. God can heal.
Age: 34
Location: Dallas, TX
Date: January 11, 2012
As I'm writing this, with tears coming down my face, I am also helping myself. I have had a total of 5 pregnancies. I have one 8 year old, 3 abortions, and just found out I am pregnant. The first abortion I had when I was 18, 5 months after my first child was born. There was no way my boyfriend at the time and I could deal with 2 infants. We were young and struggling. I didn't know the impact of abortion until the 2nd and 3rd time. After the 2nd one, I couldn't stop crying. I was about 6 weeks pregnant, and I walked in on my boyfriend with another woman, and my son in a playpen sleeping next to them. The horror. The depression with catching him cheating and having an abortion had me over the edge. It hurt the 2nd time emotionally and physically. I couldn't stop bleeding. The 3rd time happened with the same man, and I took the abortion pills. Going through it at home alone is tragic. No one there for you, and every time you go on the toilet, the blood clots fall out and you know that somewhere you are flushing YOUR child, that YOU created down the toilet, like its nothing. It's breaking me up now as I'm writing this. Six years passed since my last abortion, and now I find myself in a situation I am not proud of... Abortion crossed my mind once, then it forever left. I could NEVER forgive myself. I would go over the edge. I have one great 8 year old boy, and now, he will be an older brother. My family may not be happy about it since I grew up in a very strict household... but they will understand. God let's things happen for a reason. I tell myself that every time I cry, every time I have doubt. The child you are carrying WILL make a difference if you let him/her.
Age: 26
Location: Maryland/DC
Date: January 7, 2012
Let me start off by saying that there hasn't been one day that has passed that I haven't thought of the little angel I once had inside me. It was November 2009 when I met my ex-boyfriend (lets call him Justin), and we were inseparable.... I had just turned 20 in October, so I was fairly young with 2 years left of college. Justin (age 23) and I started officially dating in February 2010. Usually I wait a couple months to test out the relationship before I sleep with anyone but with Justin it just felt right. At the end of February 2010 (same month we were official), I found out I was pregnant. The first thoughts that came to my mind when I saw the test results were my parents reaction. “I can’t tell them...they would kick me out. I would be a disgrace to the family. I just met the guy”. So I never told them (still till this day) and instead told Justin. The baby would be due in November 2010, a month after my 21st birthday. Justin informed me, “You know what we have to do right? We have to get rid of it.” I was against it at first but then he said the ultimate thing that made me go for it. "You know my parents wouldn't accept it. It would be a bastard child.” That really hit home and to be honest, it really hurt. So basically I was living off my parents (no college education, no legitimate income), Justin didn't want it because we were too young, my parents would be angry, and his parents wouldn't accept it. Great! Which is why I finally came to the agreement to have an abortion in March 2010. I feel like no one knows how much I regret it. I wish I could just go back in time. I feel like God won't forgive me and neither would my parents if I ever told them. So to those of you that are thinking about abortion...PLEASE consider it again.
Age: 22
Location: Oregon
Date: January 6, 2012
I was a senior in high school, 17 years old. Everything was perfect. I had an amazing boyfriend, great family, and the best friends in the world until I made a mistake. I was wasted and had [sex]. My boyfriend dumped me since it wasn't with him. My family hated me since I was a disgrace to my family, and only a few of my friends supported me. After a while, I went to the doctor because of really bad stomach aches. I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. I told the father, but he didn't listen. He left town, and I never heard from him again. I was terrified/ I couldn't raise the baby alone. The father left, my family kicked me out, and my friends were all graduating. I couldn't take care of the baby. I had to get abortion. At least that's what I thought. I went to the abortion clinic and made an appointment. I didn't know wether to be relieved or scared. A while later it was time. I went to the clinic and sat in that white room that looked just like a horror movie. I asked if I could see my baby [on ultrasound], but they said they didn't have time. They said it would feel like an ant bite, but it didn't. It felt awful. Not just the pain of abortion, but the pain in your heart, the pain that I killed someone... Today he/she would have been one year old and I have been crying all night picturing my baby and me having the best time ever at the park, my favorite place. So don't get abortion. It was and will always be the worst mistake of my life.
Location: New York
Date: January 3, 2012
I am a male who's ex fiancé just ended our relationship. We both decided to have an abortion about 2.5 years ago. Years have past, but I still think and regret our decision every day. It was the biggest mistake of our lives. The procedure was free and very easy to obtain. Two pills at different times of the day and it was done. I think and hate myself every day for this. I would have a baby boy or girl in my arms as we speak. Years have past but this is what ultimately ended our engagement. We stayed together, worked on things and even seemed happy, but we both resented and even hated each other for what we had done. We never really got over it and it was never the same between us. I wish I could go back pull her out of the doctors office and stop what we did. This is something we will both have to live with and regret for the rest of our lives.
Age: 29
Location: California
Date: December 21, 2011
In November of 2010, while I was a freshman in college, I received the news that I was 8 weeks pregnant. I thought abortion was the best thing because there was no way I could successfully raise a child while being over 300 miles from home and in college. I gave myself so many excuses and reasons as to why I was doing the right thing, but just like the story before me, I was pro-choice before my abortion and now I'm pro-life. The procedures you go through to do this are gruesome and I live with and regret my decision every day. As a junior in college, I found out I was pregnant again and plan on keeping my child for the sole reason of life. God grants life and everything happens for a reason, no matter what. Raising a child may not be easy, but it's possible. Anyone considering an abortion I would beg to reconsider. Not just for your life, but your baby's as well.
Age: 20
Location: Maryland
Date: December 19, 2011
I do not have much to say. I would just like anyone who is considering abortion for whatever reason, to reconsider. I recently had an abortion on October 10 and it was the worst mistake of my life. While I will be able to continue school and not have the responsibility of being a parent, the daily emotional turmoil I suffer was not worth it. Before your procedure, you make excuses, rationalize, and tell yourself anything to get through it; but you do not account for all the feelings and thoughts you will have after. Prior to my abortion I was pro-choice. I am now pro-life. I would just like to encourage anyone planning or thinking about abortion to look at the whole picture: there may be a thousand reasons why you are not ready for a baby, and only one reason to keep your baby, but it is the only one that matters. Everything happens for a reason and your baby will never need you anymore than he/she needs you now, to grow and develop. Please do not turn your back on your child like I did mine. I have to live with my decision everyday, and it is not easy.
Age: 17
Location: Charlotte, NC
Date: December 14, 2011
I was 19. Young and scared. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, and although I was raised to know that abortion was "wrong", I never truly understood why. When I was a senior in high school, I remember writing a short essay about abortion being a "diabolical" act, that no one should EVER take part in. Judgmental? Yep. Until, I became the statistic. When I found out I was pregnant, I actually did want to keep the baby, because that was the "right thing to do". The guy I was dating was not good father material, and still isn't to this day. We each paid half, and I was made to feel guilty that he had to pay for half of it. Or, I let him make me feel that way. At any rate, we drove an hour away from where we lived to a clinic, and I underwent the procedure. They gave me tear gas, but it hurt. Honestly, that day, I felt relief. But, then came the guilt, the shame, and not being able to forgive myself and heal. I was old enough to have unprotected sex, but not old enough to raise a baby. Certainly not me. I think back on that time in my life, and wonder what life would be like - now - with a 12 year old child. Wow. I always tell people that you truly never know what you will do until you find yourself in a given situation. Never say never. But, if you are one to learn from others' mistakes, I would urge you to NOT abort. Eventually, with God's help, I was able to forgive myself, and move on. I still remember that date in my head, the exact date, as it comes up every year. And, sometimes I still feel guilty, but I know what's in the past has passed, and I can't do anything to change it. That's the hardest part.
Age: 31
Location: USA
Date: December 9, 2011
I am 22 years old – a mother of a 5-year-old and a 1-year-old. Last Sunday (11/27/11), I found out that I was pregnant. I made the biggest mistake of my life (on 12/1/11). I had an abortion. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to take care of my baby like I want to. I feel horrible now. It's only been 3 days, but I can't get the fact that I killed my baby out of my head. I was awake for the whole thing. I did not receive a conscious sedation. I knew everything. It was horrible. I can't sleep anymore; I keep having nightmares and I barely have an appetite at all. All I feel is regret, shame, and hatred for myself. I can't believe I did this. I wish it were just a nightmare and I'd wake up soon. I made my decision way too fast. I should have taken time to think about it instead of just deciding right away. I do not recommend abortion to anyone. It has definitely left its scars on my emotions. This is something that I will NEVER forgive myself for doing. I feel like a monster.
Age: 22
Location: Gas City, IN
Date: December 4, 2011
As a young woman I had an abortion. I was 21. I woke up crying after the procedure, and shortly thereafter became so ill, I thought I was going to die. It did make me seek the Lord. As a child, I had accepted the Lord in my life, [but] was not actively serving Him. As I sought the Lord, he sent me some wonderful (real) Christians who didn't judge me. They nurtured me, counseled me and my little family, but most most of all loved me. Even though I have repented and the Lord is with me, it took me over 10 years to forgive myself and even now as I tell you about it, the tears still flow. Several years later my precious daughter became pregnant at 16, and her father wanted her to have an abortion. I told him there was no way she was going to have an abortion. He brought it up to me that I had one. I told him that is exactly why she is not having one. As a result, my precious grandson is here today. Thank you, Lord. This is my first public acknowledgement. If it just helps one person, like it did for my daughter, or saves one child's life, it is worth making it public. I believe that most women are duped. We bought the lie(s). We were uninformed, under-informed, or misinformed about the serious risks involved with “the procedure.” Or we were forced, coerced, or tricked by people who professed to love us.
Location: Kentucky
Date: November 30, 2011
I aborted my baby at 6 weeks pregnant when I was 19 years old. I came from a family that would have humiliated and shamed me for being pregnant, would have used it as an excuse to exercise abusive power over me, in addition to the fact that I had a horrible excuse of a “boyfriend” who was already onto the next one when I found out I was pregnant with his child. I was a college student, and afraid I would destroy my future by having my baby before I could even secure a full time job. Growing up as an emotionally and physically abused child who saw my co-dependent mom move in with a highly abusive step father, I correlated being a single mother with failure. I just didn’t know any different... If I could go back and talk to that scared 19 year old, who was simply doing what she thought was best to protect herself, I would have told her she is far more powerful than she realized. Now, I have to forever comfort that inner 19 year old, who regrets destroying her baby because she believed the people around her who told her she was not capable, instead of believing in her own power to control her destiny. Please keep in mind – keeping your baby and defying the odds of nay-sayers, is the most powerful FEMINIST decision you can make.
Age: 36
Location: Detroit, MI
Date: November 30, 2011
The details of my abortion are not what I want to discuss here. If you are reading this, it is fairly probable that you have had or are considering an abortion. I am sure you have read other stories with details of feeling scared, lost, without choice and a plethora of other emotions, reasons and rationales, and like myself there are probably parts of some or all of those stories that you can identify with. Firstly, I will address those considering abortion. There is a common thread of thought in contemporary society (predominantly western) that your life is over when you have children, and with a view that children are a hindrance. It is true, children are hard work, but they are amazing. Your life is not over, it just changes - for the better. You can still study, travel and socialise. It's just a little trickier (I am a single mother that attends university). The possible negative, emotional ramifications of abortion are significant; in 1992 the British Journal of Psychiatry published a review of over 70 studies which found that psychological or psychiatric disturbances occur in association with abortion and seem marked, severe or persistent in approximately 10% of cases. It also states that 10% is probably an underestimate. In addition, the UK Parliamentary Commission of Inquiry into the effect of abortion on women found 87% of women it surveyed experienced long-term emotional consequences. Choose life, not just for your child but also for yourself. If you really don’t want a child, and some people don’t, which is understandable - adopt them out and give an amazing gift to someone that can’t have children. To the women who are suffering from post abortion regret, my heart is with you, healing is hard. Rachel’s vineyard retreat is amazing, it gives you time to mourn and acknowledge the significance of your loss. It is religious, however I believe it is suitable for even those that are non-religious. Be brave, tell your story and help inform others of the negative effects of abortion, turn your pain into something positive. I have gone through many emotions, feeling worthless and less than human was the worst, and as a mother now, feeling like I could never really be a ‘real’ mother, that is whole and complete. The pain I have felt is profound, however I came to realise that by virtue of that pain I am human, and a mother and worthwhile, and as thus I view it as privilege - the ability to feel. Stay strong.
Age: 30
Location: Australia
Date: November 24, 2011
We were engaged and very happy. He got a dream job offer, less pay but greater future promise and made it clear that we should move back to our home town. I did not want to leave my job or my friends but I did for him. It was tough living just on his salary as I struggled to find work. Then we found out I was pregnant. He was happy and told everyone. I was skeptical. I didn't know if I was very happy about it. But when we went for a scan and saw the baby, I cried for my beautiful baby and loving fiance. Only then did he start getting distant, staying out drinking to the point where I was alone all the time. I found him at a bar and he told me he didn't love me and we should separate and he'd make a plan about the child. I was shattered. I wanted a family and didn't have a job. I wasn't ready to be a single mom, not at all. The next morning he came home and I begged him, I pleaded that we would make it, and he flat out refused so I called my family and went home. Later he said the same thing so I packed my things returned his keys and walked away. I had an abortion at 14 weeks with no sedation. He didn't even come for support. I felt everything like I was being drilled into. I felt the placenta slide down my legs. I felt disgusting. I still dream about giving birth to her and I miss my little baby so much. My heart breaks. Worst of all, this town is so small everyone knows, and my parents refuse to let me move away. I need to get away from this hell. He doesn't feel any pain and is moving on. I'm stuck at my parents house doing nothing. It's killing me.
Age: 24
Location: South Africa
Date: November 11, 2011
I have had 3 abortions. My life since these abortions has been a train wreck: 3 marriages, drugs, alcohol, depression, guilt, shame. I never knew why I was such a mess. My first one was at 20. I had no idea at that time I was killing a child. I cried after the first one, and the second. After the third one, I was very ill. I had an infection the very next morning. I was sick for about a month. As I went through my life I stuffed my abortions so far down. I was in such denial. I was pro-choice for a long time. It was just until the last 3 years that I started the process of getting out of denial of what I had done. I started attending a Bible study and God was gently nudging me to come clean on what I had done. I found a post abortive woman's group. It was based on the Bible and God's forgiveness. I had no idea that I had killed 3 children. I had no idea that I was a mom. I was in so much pain and sickened by what I had done. I had denied my children their lives because of my selfish and destructive behavior. Today, I am a mother of 3 children that are in heaven with their heavenly Father. Not a day goes by that I don't grieve the loss of my children and regret what I have done. There are no "do-over's" with abortion. It is only by the mercy and grace of God that I am alive today. It is only by his amazing forgiveness and love that I can talk about what I did. I have dedicated my life to fighting abortion. I pray that God will use me to tell the truth of what abortion is. I currently volunteer my time as a consultant at a Christian based pregnancy crisis center. I can't wait for the day that I meet my children. And, I pray that they will forgive me. All that I do in the fight to end abortion is to honor my children and God. Thank you Lord for your unending mercy and grace.
Age: 53
Location: Cheney, WA
Date: November 11, 2011
I had an abortion in June of this year, and every day I live with more and more regret as the time nears for my projected due date. I would've been eight months if I wasn't a coward. The father of the baby was supportive and wanted the baby, as did I. Rewind to a few months before I got pregnant; I was laid-off and had no money to support this child. I made over five appointments and cancelled each one because I couldn't do it. The one I went to, I saw the ultrasound and there was my baby moving around. Instantly, I was in-love. I ran out of that office to my boyfriend's house to tell him of the news. He was ecstatic. I was certain that I wanted my baby, but somewhere down the line, I chose to end its life, and for that I am a murderer. If I could go back and change things, I would've kept my child. If you're reading this and unsure, please find strength to keep your baby because if not, you will forever be changed and not in a good way. I long to hold, to touch, to smell my baby. This December would be the birth of my baby. I pray to God that I am forgiven for my sin against Him and that my baby is safe in the hand of my Father in heaven and that my baby does not hate me for my betrayal. All I can say is, NEVER AGAIN WILL I DESTROY A PRECIOUS LIFE GOD HAS BLESSED ME WITH. Empty, sad, alone, hurt, disconnected, desperate, miserable, depressed, angry, disgusted, sorry are just a few emotions I feel. Think before you do something you cannot undo, ladies and gents. Life is the only choice. If you can't shoot, bludgeon, stab, maim a stranger, then how can you do it to your perfect baby?
Age: 29
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Date: November 9, 2011
Though my wife and I have now been married for over 25 years and have had five children together, there was a sixth. We met 26 years ago and though we'd both waited to have sex until marriage, we broke that rule and began sleeping together a few months into our relationship. She became pregnant and out of fear and selfishness, we headed to an abortion clinic when she was six weeks along. Bottom line, when I was supposed to be the protector and defender of the young woman who would later become my wife, I chose instead to insist on the abortion and sat like a coward in the waiting room while our child was sucked from the womb, in pieces. Though I have many excuses for doing what I did...in the end, that is all they are...excuses. This event would become a major negative undercurrent in our marriage for many years, about 15 to be exact. We finally came to a breaking point and through a very long period of intense Christian counseling, began to come to terms with the terrible choice we made... I can only wish there had been caring people on the sidewalk that day to show us that there was another option... The nature of this particular type of sin, is to breed secrecy. I applaud the bravery of those of you who tell your stories now, as my wife and I join your ranks. If it weren't for the redemption and forgiveness of my Christian faith, I wouldn't know how to live...
Age: 49
Location: North Little Rock, AR
Date: November 8, 2011
My soul has been sucked out with my child!… We went away [for a] weekend and just as a precaution, I bought 2 pregnancy tests... We did the test and the second line made an appearance. I couldn’t believe what was happening and it was all just too surreal. She on the other hand freaked out and went totally ballistic... Having gone through an abortion in late high school, [I] made myself a promise that I would never go through an abortion again. She was very conflicted and leaned more towards the abortion than keeping the child. By the Sunday on our way back home, I broke down into tears (which I hadn’t done in 14 years) and begged her to keep my child and give the child to me. I will the raise the child alone and she could have nothing to do with the child – just don’t kill my child… On Thursday, the 3rd of November 2011 at 18h00 I got an sms, not from her: “Hallo, it has been done. Regards”. A part of me died on the 3rd of November 2011 at 18h00... Now I am sitting here and nothing makes sense anymore, I can’t sleep and when I do sleep I have the most horrific nightmares. I am scared to sleep because I might have a nightmare again and the thought of the abortion is constantly on my mind. It has only been five days, but I can’t believe that this has happened and everything seems bleak and colourless.
Age: 32
Location: South Africa
Date: November 8, 2011
I am a man. I obviously did not have the abortion, but someone I loved more than life did. I was 39, she was 36... We did not use any protection because she claimed she was infertile. She claimed this because she and her ex tried for years and could not have a child. About 5 months later she was pregnant. She was shocked and saddened, but I was so happy. She made it clear in minutes flat she did not want to have it and she was having an abortion. I loved her so I agreed... I fell to pieces, I began to dye my hair black and wear only black clothes. I still do 4 years later. She has never looked back, as far as I can tell... It took 4 years to release myself from the belief I was responsible for the death of my fetus because I didn't fight for its life. I realized there was nothing I could have done... Men, be aware of the consequences of your actions-including your faith in your "love" with the person of your dreams. A life my be the cost of your blindness, and you may be the only one of the two who suffers regret from the abortion.
Age: 45
Location: Iowa City, Iowa
Date: November 6, 2011
My life was perfect. I was a very happy 16-year-old girl who didn't let anything or anyone bring her down. I had an awesome friendship with my parents and had the "perfect" relationship with my boyfriend... Everything happened so fast... After five positive pregnancy tests, I finally convinced myself I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I were very excited at first... It was around June 10 when we decided to tell our parents. They were really hurt and didn't think it was right for us to keep the baby... On June 25, we decided abortion was best, or at least we thought it was. I was lied to by the doctors... On June 28, I entered the abortion clinic... I remember that little voice in my head telling me to run out of there. I didn't listen to it. I ignored it. Then the doctor started to do his job. Since I was crying so much, the anesthesia didn't make me go to sleep... I remember the doctor inserting a scissor looking thing. I remember when he took out a little arm with a hand and all 5 fingers... Then and there it hit me – the awful feeling of regret. I felt my heart drop and tears running down my cheeks, but there was nothing I could do anymore. My mistake was already made. The nurse took me into a room with two other girls who had also had an abortion... I was crying non stop and she told me, "Don't worry, this is just a chapter in your book, you just have to turn the page and what your feeling now will go away..." Again I was lied to. Six months have now passed by and there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss my baby... There's not a day that passes by that I don't cry... If only I could go back in time... I miss smiling. I miss being happy. I miss my baby so much... If you are planing on an abortion, DON'T DO IT! Don't let them lie to you... You'll never get over it. You'll always live with it, and you'll live with so much regret, without being able to do anything.
Age: 16
Location: Florida
Date: November 5, 2011
About 12 hours ago I got an abortion. And I can tell you one thing, NEVER AGAIN. I went in at 9 weeks 5 days. I had just moved across the US away from my family for my boyfriend of almost four years and his new job. I got pregnant about 2 weeks after I got here. (Bad Luck) I have no insurance or family so I thought an abortion would be the best idea. They only gave me an Ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer and I can tell you that was not cutting it. The entire procedure was like 5-8 min and you could feel the metal tubes they put inside you and the pressure. But the number one thing I remember is the crack sound... I don't know if that is normal but I swear I heard it with the last tube. I can't say that I'm not happy to not be pregnant now, but to go through that traumatizing experience was not worth it. I would have rather gone through the pain of child birth rather then the pain I'm going through now.
Age: 20
Location: Raleigh, NC
Date: November 3, 2011
I'm 18. I had my first son at only 15 (Now 3 years old); my second son in June of this year (Now 4 1/2 months old). I graduated high school early and have plans to go to college. I'm in a relationship with my first son's father. He has a 1 1/2 year old from another relationship. Together, we have 3 children. My youngest son's father is in jail and will be for a very long time. I found out I was pregnant again (My 4th pregnancy, 1 miscarriage) in September of this year. I went back and forth on my decision for about 2 weeks. I felt like I wouldn't be able to handle another child. I could barely get up with my youngest during the nights when he wasn't sleeping through the night. The two older ones are a handful. My fiance works crazy hours all the time and barely gets days off. My parents and everyone around me would've been so disappointed. September 24th, 2011 was the day I had the abortion... I think about it everyday. I regret my decision so badly, I just wish I could turn back the hands of time... I find myself dazed thinking about it often. Anyone who is considering abortion, please, please, please, think long and hard about it... YOU will be the one on that cold operating table. This is something I feel I will never get over, never forget. If only I would've known what I know now. Things would be different...
Age: 18
Location: Virginia
Date: November 3, 2011
It has been almost 2 months since my abortion and I have never been so depressed in my life. I have started caring less for my studies and I left my boyfriend after 4 years because he convinced me to have the abortion which made me angry. I don't like to talk about it with anyone and I am so angry I don't think I deserve to be happy right now. All your friends and close ones will tell you when your pregnant, as mine did, that you need to think about your future and the timing isn't right and you should have an abortion. It's the "right thing to do." But, you're the only one that experiences the aftermath, and it is not worth it. I am ashamed of what I have done and I hope God will one day forgive me so that I can forgive myself. For now, I am just drowning in my misery.
Age: 20
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Date: November 3, 2011
I had an abortion when I was 16 on May 3, 2011. I wanted to keep it and so did my boyfriend, but my mom kept threatening to kick me out and told me she wouldn't be there for me and the baby. She was also telling me I wasn't able to support the baby. I went to get my ultrasound at 7 weeks. I was instantly connected with my child. Tears came to my eyes when I saw its little heart beat. As soon as I walked into that clinic, I just felt depressed and angry. My baby is supposed to be due in less then a month. As the time gets closer I feel more and more upset. Every day I think about holding it, watching it grow, and just being there for it. I would honestly do anything to go back to the date of my abortion and walk out of that hospital and stand up to everyone and tell them it's my choice, my baby and my life. I'm going to do what I want. But it's all too late for that. And I just cant seem to let go...
Age: 17
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Date: November 1, 2011
I found out I was pregnant three days before my 19th birthday... At the time, I had just moved away from my boyfriend’s, back into my parent’s house because of a huge break up... I called him and he told me he wanted me to keep it, so I moved down there to try and work it out for our baby. He is a heavy meth user, unemployed and emotionally unstable. He is certainly not someone who could be a father. I started having second thoughts and eventually told him I was thinking about abortion. We were also in a domestic violence case. He started talking down to me that night telling me I was a whore. I slapped him, and he shook me so hard I thought that alone would kill my baby... He left and the next day I packed all my stuff and left him for the last time. I thought I had no other choice but to get an abortion.... That was two weeks ago. I took the abortion pill andit was one of the most painful things I have ever done. The guilt didn’t hit me until a few days ago. I can’t stop thinking about my baby. I feel like god will never forgive me. I just can’t believe I would murder my own child. I have never felt so bad about something like this in my entire life. I have no idea how this is going to affect me in my future. If you’re thinking about abortion, really give it thought. There is so much help out there for pregnant women and women in domestic violence situations like me. There is hope. You don’t have to murder your own child.
Age: 19
Location: Snohomish, Washington
Date: November 1, 2011
Things were finally going great in my career, until I found myself feeling sick often: nausea and sleeplessness... Here I am with this great life, in a new big city and now pregnant, not married and about to have a child. At 31, I feel as though I am not a young girl anymore and should have been able to go through with it. Yet my boyfriend was immature and made me feel as though all the weight would be put on me once I had the baby. I awoke one morning and told him I was going to workout. I went to the clinic and had the abortion pill. That evening he had to work. Within 30 minutes of taking the 2nd pill, I wished I hadn't gone through with it... I was such a coward. I told my boyfriend I miscarried. I wanted my child to have the best chance at life with a balance of mom and dad in a familiar home. I regret it because I know that I took my beautiful baby's life... I can't right the wrongs of my past by attempting to create a life I may never have, such as marriage and all that. I just know I now regret killing the life inside me, a gift from God, and I just threw away the gift.
Age: 31
Location: Woodbridge, VA
Date: October 29, 2011
I got an abortion when I was 9 weeks pregnant. The father of the child didn't want it. He told me not to keep it and that if I did, he was going to have someone beat me up and kill the baby.... I already had a one-year-old before the abortion and her dad wasn't around to help me. I couldn't have raised another kid by myself. I didn't know what to do so I decided to have the abortion... At the time, you feel like abortion will make things better for you but it really doesn't. That's all I have been thinking about. I don't think I will ever forget about it. I will never have an abortion ever again. If you are thinking about abortion, please just please think hard about it. Once it's done, you can never go back and change what you did. It will haunt you, and you will regret it everyday of your life. Please ladies, think about adoption, and if you think you can raise it, try to. Don't get an abortion, even if the dad is not around. You don't need him or anybody. Your baby will love you and that's all that should matter. I wish I could go back and change what I did. I hate feeling like this.
Age: 20
Location: Idaho
Date: October 26, 2011
When I was 24, I was in the party lifestyle and hooked up with a meth addict, and I got pregnant. The guy was untrustworthy and a heavy drug user, and my reasoning was that it would be 'hell' to have a kid with him as the father, so I had the abortion. I regretted it immediately. I knew that it was morally wrong, that I had killed God's creation. I was already into drugs, but I went from marijuana to cocaine everyday and drinking myself to sleep in a self-hatred state of depression. The father was even worse than if I had the baby. He yelled at me over and over, how I killed his baby, and I was a murderer. I had to get away! So I moved to Hawaii, away from everyone and everything, trying to start new, but soon fell into the bar in my depression and started using drugs again too. I could not even be with my excellent boyfriend because of the self-hatred, and fear of having to get another abortion, which I would not ever do... I truly believe that I was very ignorant, and weak in making the decision to have my baby killed, when there are so many alternatives and help for women who are afraid. If you want to have a haunting darkness follow you the rest of your life, trying to bring you down to death, like you may be thinking of doing to your child....BUT I'm sure you don't! So choose LIFE, the author and finisher of LIFE will help you, call on His name, JESUS.
Age: 31
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Date: October 22, 2011
So much pain, shame, guilt and heartbreak. I had an abortion when I was 19 years old. I had gone off to college, partying with everyone, and thought I was with someone who cared about me. He was just a scared boy from a family of dysfunction and couldn't handle the responsibility. I was alone. In another state. My parents would not understand. I was already on thin ice with them for the previous few years of rebellion. This would have just cemented their judgments that I was a problem. So, with the counsel of people I tried to believe were friends, I had an abortion. It was early December, early in the morning. There were some silent protesters outside of the clinic, but I was already despaired. Nothing could turn me back. Had I even had a glimmer of the pain, haunting memories, shame, guilt, self-hatred that would follow, that would have been enough to turn me around. Please let this serve as someone's glimmer. I now have four beautiful children and have fully healed, thanks to the "Forgiven and Set Free" post-abortion curriculum at a local pregnancy center. My testimony is that God is a forgiving God. But the hardest part is allowing yourself to forgive you. My son, Ethan (that's part of the program, naming your unborn child), would be 16 now. I have a beautiful candle on my mantel to remind me of him. My husband knows and was a blessing as I went through the healing process. I have had the chance to lead a group of women through the post-abortion study, too, because this tragedy affects many more women that we will ever know! It is a secret shame. Let's heal each other, and use our stories to change lives and saves lives.
Age: 36
Location: Texas
Date: October 17, 2011
I'm 16, and I had an abortion on September 30, 2011. My dad found out, and the second he knew, he was threatening me and forcing me to get an abortion. My boyfriend just graduated from high school, and he was so scared that I was pregnant, but he told me that he loved me no matter what choice I made. His mom wanted me to keep it. I have not spoken to my mom in five years. Every day I would not know what to do. Time was running out, and the appointment was here. The last words that my boyfriend told me was that he loves me and that it's better to give your child everything it needs without struggles. A part of me understood. I got to the clinic at Planned Parenthood. It was the worst procedure of my life, something I will never go through AGAIN! Walking into the room were they did it, I simply stood quiet with tears, and before I knew it, I was completely asleep. And once I woke up, I was yelling, crying helpless. I couldn't believe what I just had done. Everything gets to me. I cry about everything. I have nightmares and can't sleep. Sometimes I dream I'm holding hands with a baby. For anybody that is considering abortion, think it through wisely, please, because your life will never be the same. It will be on your mind day and night as it is for me. I lock myself in my room and cry for hours, thinking what a cruel horrible thing I've done. If I could go back, I would keep it and if I couldn't, I would place for adoption... I feel so guilty for not giving an innocent thing a chance in the world. If you are considering an abortion, learn more about what it is–pictures, videos, and stories. There's always another solution than killing it! And do not let anyone overpower your say in what your choice is. You just gotta believe in yourself. I regret everything so please, don't be like me. Make a change.
Age: 16
Location: Upland, CA
Date: October 17, 2011
I am guilty of taking part in 2 abortions. The first one was when I was just twenty. I was dating a girl who was seeing someone else, and I didn't want to take a chance that the baby wouldn't be mine. I ended up marrying her, having a daughter and a couple of years later, divorcing. The second was when I was about twenty-nine. I slept with a friend (while drunk) and a pregnancy resulted. I told her I didn't want to put another child through a broken family and took her to a clinic where they didn't remove all of the baby but sent us home thinking everything was OK. The woman got very sick from this, she ran a high fever and was in a lot of pain. She went to her doctor and had a DNC. I didn't think about those two babies at all. I just got drunk every day and didn't care. I met my wife a couple years later and she and her family led me to Jesus. I have quit drinking and drugging, but now I think about those two babies often. I used to think that an unborn child (fetus to those who support abortion) was just a lump of cells, I WAS WRONG. I used to think that it was a woman's right to choose, I WAS WRONG. God is the creator and giver of life and no one has the right to choose. I am guilty of aiding in the murder of two of my own children. I would do anything to change it but can't. My only hope is that I can help to save as many other unborn children as I can.
Age: 37
Location: Richmond, VA
Date: October 17, 2011
About 6 weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant. It was a constant struggle for me as I couldn't decide what to do. My parents would not have accepted it, and have hated me and disowned me... time was running out and I couldn't make the decision. So my partner said we shouldn't keep it, we can have a baby when it suits us. He made the appointment as I was unable to deal with it... I screamed at the nurse and doctors, and eventually the anesthetic was given and I woke up and it was gone. I have never ever felt worse. I am not pro life or religious and always thought if I got into a situation like this I would know what to do. A few days later, the first day my partner went back to work, the pain in my heart was so bad from what I had done, I took 2 sheets of heavy painkillers, probably about 15 washed down with vodka and I ended up in emergency, having to stay there for 2 days. It's now my first day back at home alone, and it still hurts more than anything. To anyone considering an abortion, if you're even considering the baby, keep it. I wish I had not let my parents influence my decision and had made it for myself. The pain is unbearable, and I hope at least one person reads this and decides to keep their baby. Because this pain, nothing will ever heal. It's always going to be a reminder. I don't think you could ever regret having a baby, but you will regret having an abortion.
Age: 20
Location: Sydney, Australia
Date: October 13, 2011
Abortion has caused me much grief in my life. Planned Parenthood does not tell you the "aftermath" of abortion. They love the money coming in. They have a marketing strategy and I fell for it.
Age: 45
Location: Florida
Date: October 12, 2011
A few months ago I was dating a guy that was married but separated. In the back of my mind I thought I couldn't get pregnant because I was irresponsible in a previous relationship and I thought that if I could, I definitely would have been by now. The only thing that made me take a test was because I hadn't had my period in a long time. I went to throw the test out thinking it was negative, but I saw the faintest second line. I bought a different test and was shaken to my core. I couldn't believe it. I told the father. He said, "get rid of it." I was so hurt and scared but I didn't want to raise a baby alone. I had the abortion and I regret it every day. I wonder what the baby would have looked like. I wish I could hold it. Before the abortion I felt alive but scared. Now I feel empty, hollow and numb. I can never reverse my choice.
Age: 29
Location: New York
Date: October 8, 2011
I’m a 22-year-old student who has been with her partner on and off for about 2 years. I got pregnant unexpectedly and unfortunately, I had just lost my job had no money... My partner told me that we [shouldn't] bring a child into this world. My parents knew I was pregnant and said they would be there for me, whatever choice I made but, really, the one person I wanted there for me was my partner, who I hardly heard from. Well, the choice was made. The best thing to do was get an abortion... All I remember in that room was laying down and the anesthesiologist telling me who he was, then boom it was all done. I was so tired that I could barely sit up. I don’t even remember walking to the car. I slept all day. The drugs must have had a very strong effect on me because the sadness didn't kick in until the next day. I woke up crying. All I could think about is what could have been and the father of my baby didn’t even call to see how I was. It can never be compared to any sort of loss I have faced yet in my life. My partner is of no help at all. To him it was just something we had to do, and now it's done. We text here and there but we have yet to talk about what was done. I hate myself for loving everyone else more than my own unborn child and for putting everyone else's feelings first, instead of my own. I don't know if I'll be able to forgive myself.
Age: 22
Location: Atlanta, GA
Date: October 6, 2011
I just had an abortion 2 months back. The worst part is I never told anyone about it, not even my boyfriend. I did it because my father is not working and my boyfriend also is not working and is from a poor background. I knew he impregnated me on purpose and the 1st day I told him I was pregnant, he just looked me in the eye and gave my foetus a name after his mum. I wanted to keep my baby with all my heart but just found myself considering abortion because I'm still at college. I did it, without telling anyone. I told my boyfriend that I had a miscarriage. We spent 2 months without having sex because I felt like its the least I can do to mourn my baby. I think about it day and night, cry day and night. I never went counseling, nor shared it with anyone. I believe that's why it gets worse everyday. I am dying inside.
Age: 19
Location: South Africa
Date: September 26, 2011
I thank God for this web site. I wept watching the videos. I never had access to this kind of information back when I had an abortion.. My story is very similar. I am now 50 years-old. I had an abortion performed on me back in 1978, Friday Dec. 1st to be exact. I was 17 years old and found myself pregnant. I was so scared to tell my parents, but I knew I had to. I had previously told the boy I was involved with at the time, but came to find he didn't know what to do and really didn't care. When I got the nerve to tell my mom I was taken to the doctors to confirm that I was indeed pregnant... I didn't want an abortion, I just wanted my mom to wrap her arms around me and say we will help you through this. Later that night my parents (mainly my mom) told me how this baby would grow up to hate me and a bunch of other lies and said this was the best choice for me. I wanted my baby. I came from an adopted family, so you would have thought this would NOT of been an option at all (I believe the Lord showed me years later that my adopted mom could not forgive God for not allowing her to have her own babies, so she wasn't going to let me have mine). I felt weak and unable to speak up for myself, trapped like a lamb led to the slaughter. I was an embarrassment to my parents and they were going to get rid of the problem. So my mom scheduled my abortion. I felt so alone and scared, and so empty afterwords. I never believed or even thought of abortion, and here I was forced to have one. To this day my mom still denies and lies and acts like it never happened. I did drugs to cover my pain... When I became a born again Christian, it still took me a long time to believe God would forgive me for this sin. I carried so much shame and guilt for many years. This was my SECRET shame. I went to church for years with this secret. It wasn't until we started attending a church that offered counseling for abortions that I really started to deal with the pain.
Age: 50
Location: Ohio
Date: September 21, 2011
I got pregnant when I was 16. I had it all planned that I would either keep the baby or give it up for adoption. I really wanted to keep him. I waited as long as I could to tell my mother because I knew what her reaction was going to be. I told her the choices I had considered and she refused to hear any of it. She said, "you probably waited till it's too late". I was thinking, "I sure hope so." She set up the appointment as fast as possible and when she looked at me it was with complete disdain like I had done her wrong. I will never forget that day, Sept 23, 1983. I had two different colored tube socks on and when they asked me if I was sure, she assured them that this is what I wanted. I went back into the room and stared at the picture they had on the ceiling, and they made fun of my different socks. They said, it's done. I asked them if they knew if it was a boy or girl and they said no. I can only imagine what people that came in to the clinic thought as they saw my mother sitting there 8 months pregnant. You see, I could not possibly take care of her child if I had my own to care for. It has been 28 years and a couple times a year I get in a funk. It is especially bad at the anniversary date. I will start getting depressed and not know why. Then I will see something that will let me know what is up. I still have hard feelings toward my mother. I just can't shake them. I was also very guilty that I took this poor child's life but my pastor said that is not my sin, it is hers. That makes it a little better I guess. And the most important thing they told me was that it was OK to cry. I never really got to grieve the loss of this child. Because to everyone else he didn't exist. Well to me he did exist. And he is with Jesus and I will get to meet him one day. Until that day I guess a couple times a year I will fall into a funk. I just hope I never fall so far down that I can't get up.
Age: 44
Location: Indiana
Date: September 21, 2011
People think that abortion is something that happens one day and then life goes on. Well, yea...life goes on, but it's never the same. I was 18 when I had my abortion. I was young and scared and felt like I had no other option. It cost about 300 dollars or so. I didn't want to be awake to know what the doctor was doing. I went into the clinic and the nurses were very nonchalant about the situation, I'm assuming because they see this everyday. I filled out the paperwork and they sent me to the back room. I sat there in the waiting room with 9 other girls, who were about to do the same thing I was. It was sickening. It was like a factory of women who were there to get this over with and move on. Many of them had done this before. They did an ultrasound and wouldn't tell me anything about the fetus inside me because they did not want me to change my mind. The last thing I remember was laying down, my feet in stirrups and counting backwards from 100. I woke up in the recovery room and cried right away. There were probably 11 girls in that room alone. I went home that day and never felt the same about myself. It is probably the biggest mistake of my life. August 10th comes around every year and all I think is that my child would've been 4 years old. I know God forgave me for my mistake, because he is merciful like that, and he knows what I did and that I'm truly sorry. Please if you are considering this, find another option. It is NOT WORTH THE PAIN AND SUFFERING that you feel everyday. There's nothing like the embarrassment of having to fill out forms and the doctors office or even to donate blood and it asks: "Have you ever been pregnant?" or "Number of pregnancies:"... I hate myself some days and I don't wish this feeling upon anyone else.
Date: September 16, 2011
I was 16 when I got pregnant, a year ago on the 15th September. That day was the worst day off my life. I'm a very 'strong' person, I hate to burden people with my problems and I feel like a need to be independent (its a bad family trait). I have never told my parents that I had an abortion. My boyfriend of 2 years told his parents. They agreed abortion was best. I hated the idea and said no so many times. Eventually, the day before the abortion, I said yes. The next day I felt like I was being swept off my feet to have the abortion. I went through with it. (Also a week before I lost my last grandparent which added to my grief) A year later and I hate myself, part of me hates my boyfriend and I can't stand to be near his parents. I regret it every day. I wish I had had the courage to tell my parents and ask people for help. But I'm too proud. Every time I try to talk to my boyfriend he doesn't want to hear the truth, so I lie.
Age: 17
Location: England
Date: September 11, 2011
I am 21 years old and two weeks ago I had an abortion. I am beginning to feel some regret and I am wishing I had kept the baby. Here is my story, I was working at a car dealership and I met this salesmen there. I have a boyfriend and it's the same one at this particular time. I thought he (salesmen) was so cute and he is so sweet and I was very attracted to him so we went to a bar one night and we had sex. So about 6 weeks later my sister in law thought she was pregnant and wanted me to take a pregnancy test with her because she was scared. Well hers was negative and mine was positive. I was so scared and I realized I had no clue who the dad was. It may have been my boyfriend or this salesmen... so to me the obvious choice was to abort this baby to save me drama in the end. After the procedure I was fine. I didn't feel upset, I felt I made the right choice for myself. However, now I feel awful and selfish and realize how much I really wanted to be a mom. But I can't go back so I have to deal with this pain now. So for any girl out there who may think you know what you want, really think about it hard and double check yourself that that is what you want.
Age: 21
Location: OC, CA
Date: September 8, 2011
On the 10th of August 2010, I had my beautiful baby boy, Zack, but my happiness was clouded with worry as Zack was born weighing just 2 pounds. But after 3 long weeks, he was well enough to come home – only to be rushed back to the hospital a week later for major surgery. Zack was still just under 4 pounds. By the grace of God our brave boy pulled through. Just 2 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. On the 3rd of November I made the worst mistake in my life. I played god and terminated my child's life, only to do it again on the 23rd of February. The pain and guilt have been unbearable and all I have is a couple of ultra scans to say I'm sorry to. I will never forgive myself for taking Zack's family and always will be heartbroken.
Age: 23
Location: Shrewsbury
Date: September 5, 2011
I have carried so much emotional pain since my abortion, but since there are many stories about the emotional pain, I want to share the physical and mental trauma associated with abortion... I had two abortions at two different clinics and can tell you that it was the same at both places. The first thing anybody asked about was money... You make your appointment, pay your deposit and, if you live in a state without consultation laws, come back the next day. If you do live in a state with consultation laws, you sign a paper stating that you spoke with a counselor... On the day of the abortion, you pay the rest of the fee (in cash, of course) and get ushered into a separate waiting area, away from any support... After about an hour, you are ushered into the procedure room. The room is NOT like a surgical suite. It has plain wooden cabinets and the table is only covered by paper, not sterile sheets. You are directed to put your feet into stirrups and then the doctor comes in... Now, they say it is painless or just causes a minimal amount of discomfort. Imagine having your abdomen stabbed and the knife twisted for ten minutes, followed by the worst cramps you have ever felt in your life. Just as coldly, the doctor leaves. You are ushered into a "recovery room" which is nothing but shabby recliners. You, along with the other women, sit dazed and crying (and, yes, at both clinics, everybody was crying, even the stoic looking ones in the waiting room) until it's time to show the staff member your pad before leaving. Nothing to check if the baby was completely aborted, such as an ultrasound, no check to see how you feel, you are just told you're okay and to go home. It is awful, painful, humiliating and the emotional pain never goes away.
Age: 36
Location: Indiana
Date: August 25, 2011
I had an abortion last Friday–at 45, recently broken up with my partner and with 3 grown children in their 20's. From the moment I found I was pregnant, all I could think of were reasons I couldn't have a baby. I bitterly regret what I have done. I never for one moment thought about how it would affect me, it was the worst decision I have ever made in my life. I never told a single person that I was pregnant, I wish now I had talked to someone. Not one single day will go by when I do not think about the innocent life that I chose so easily to destroy and how selfish I was. I will have to live with the guilt and regret of this for the rest of my life and deservedly so.
Age: 45
Location: Ireland
Date: August 18, 2011
I was 17 and my boyfriend and I stupidly thought that getting pregnant would bring us closer together. It did. We were very excited until his mom shoved $700 our way and told us to fix the problem. My boyfriend was a mama's boy and said this is what has to happen, we will try again in a year or two. I didn't want to lose him, so I agreed... On June 1, 2008, I walked into a clinic all alone, scared out of my mind. I don`t want to do this. Why am I doing this? I heard the machine turn on, I felt the woman who called herself a doctor between my legs, I felt the them suck my child out of my body. I screamed and told them to stop, but they held me down and said it would be over soon. It was over. I sat in a stiff leather recliner with tears streaming down my face. What have I done? The nurse told me to stop crying, and that I was scaring the other girls. I said "good". My boyfriend carried me out of the clinic two hours later, I didn't have the strength to go on. I healed quickly apparently, it only took two weeks. My boyfriend and I broke up 3 months later. His mom was very pleased... I think of that baby every day of my life. I sometimes can't sleep at night because I can't get the feeling, and the sounds out of my head... If you're thinking of having an abortion, please don't! Don't willingly do this to yourself, to the child that is growing inside of you. There are many other options available to you! Your parents will hate you? They'll get over it. Your boyfriend will leave you? Good, he's not worth it. You wanted a baby, but now you realize your mistake? Every mistake has consequences and you should make right of your decision and go with adoption! You wont regret it.
Age: 22
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Date: August 16, 2011
I was 17 when I found out that I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do. My boyfriend and I were still in high school, no part time jobs, no car, still living with our parents. It was hard. The only people that knew about it at the time was my mum and boyfriend. Mum pressured me into having an abortion, but I can't blame her because it was I that went into the doctor's room and told her I wanted the abortion, not knowing that I would have to live with this emptiness in my life. My boyfriend said he would respect whatever decision I made. When we were at the hospital, I remember him saying that even if I'm in the operating room and they hadn't done anything yet, if I wanted to back down, he'd be there for me. I felt that same way when I was in the room. I just wanted to go. Seeing the tears in my boyfriends eyes - broke my heart but I stayed in there. I opened my legs and let the doctors remove this lil miracle from inside me. I feel nothing but regret each and every time I see other teenagers with their children. Two and a half years later and it's still the biggest mistake I have ever made.
Age: 19
Location: Auckland, NZ
Date: August 15, 2011
On December 25, 2009, I conceived our third child. I was happy naturally. Another child to love, to hold, to bring more joy into our lives. My gift. But my third child never had a chance. I allowed a man, my very own husband, to wear me down. I was threatened, ignored and brought to my knees in agony and despair. I let the hate and anger from my husband lead me to the place no woman should ever go. On February 22, 2010, I heard the most beautiful sound: my sweet baby’s heartbeat. On February 23, 2010, my angel died... I felt everything. The doctor stuck a needle into my cervix to numb it. That's when I screamed, "NO!" I changed my mind. They said it was too late, they had begun and would continue... I could hear him suctioning out my child. I screamed and screamed! I begged for my husband, but they said no. They told me to quiet down, that I would scare the other patients. I tried to get off the table, but four people held me down. God help me but it was punishment for the life I took. Since then, I have suffered from PTSD. I still have nightmares. If only I had more support I would not have murdered my child.
Location: Knoxville, TN
Date: August 13, 2011
I was 21. On June 18, 2009, two days before fathers day, I went to the clinic. My boyfriend took me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. His parents were a big part of me doing this! I was almost 3 months along, my baby was due on Christmas! I remember going in there, and they would not let my boyfriend in, which made it even harder–sitting in a room with 10 other girls waiting to go into that white room. When I went in there, I fought as hard as I could because I didn't want to do it anymore, but they held me down. I heard and felt every little thing they did. Now, everywhere I look, all my friends, family, and his family are getting married and having kids, and it hurts, because I would have a wonderful little boy that would be 2 years old! I still think bout it every day and night. It's so hard. I miss him everyday!
Age: 23
Location: Illinois, USA
Date: August 9, 2011
I am forty now and at age 16 and 20, I had abortions. I've regretted them both since. All these years later I am still haunted by what I've done. I have two children and they are perfect adults now in their 20's. This is just my silent pain. There is no body to share it with or help. My advice, do not get an abortion.
Age: 40
Location: Florida
Date: August 9, 2011
I killed my baby. That's the only thing that haunts me all the time. No, I will not justify it. I know what I did was wrong and selfish. I can never forgive myself for what I did. I cannot blame anyone but myself. Everytime I think about that phase in my life, something inside me dies a bit. I murdered my baby this very year. I was pregnant during Christmas last year. I kept my baby for three months. My baby never troubled me. Many times I though I may not be pregnant. I could not believe it. Because as I said, my baby was peaceful, my baby loved me, and I think my baby knew I would not keep her...him (I like to think I had a boy). He lived in me all the time; sometimes when I touch my stomach I still feel his presence. I destroyed the one I loved, would have loved. There are a lot of reasons why I did it, but I know what I did was wrong, and I can never justify my act. My baby paid for the wrong choices I made. When everything finished, my life came back to normal (that's how everyone thinks of me). But I regret everything I did...
Age: 24
Location: Asia
Date: August 8, 2011
My fiance and I had an abortion done on June 17, 2011. We thought making the decision was the hard part, but now we've realized that the hardest part is hating yourself and your partner. We both regret what we did, no matter how we try to rationalize what we did, we just can't stop. We're fighting all the time and growing distant from each other because we're just not what we were. I hate him because he is the reminder of what I did. When I look at him I just wonder if the baby would've had his eyes or his smile, and then I get mad because I chose to kill our child before it even had a chance. I don't know if he and I will make it through this. I don't know if I can ever be a mom knowing what I did to what would've been my first born child.
Age: 22
Location: San Antonio, TX
Date: August 5, 2011
I had an abortion when I was only 15 years old. At first I thought it was the best choice, not only for myself but for my family and boyfriend at the time as well, but of course, it wasn't so. My views about abortion have always been confusing. There are just so many people with a story to tell and they justify this cruel act. A month after my abortion, I began to feel the guilt, the remorse but worst of all, the emptiness crawling in my womb and clinging onto me. I made many suicide attempts but I never had the courage to do so. I promised myself I would never resort to that drastic solution again! No matter the circumstance. I am 20 years old today, it's been 5 years since, and still the guilt remains. Every October I feel it, the guilt and trauma. I was so young and naive, I felt pressured by my parents, my boyfriend, by everybody! I forgot to think about what I wanted and what that baby could have been in my life.
Age: 20
Location: Miami, FL
Date: August 3, 2011
I had an abortion recently, and it was the absolute worst choice I've ever made. I regret it every day, I love my baby so much, what kind of monster am I to have killed my own flesh and blood? If I can, I want to take it all back. I just want my little baby boy......I had a dream before I got pregnant and this beautiful little boy was calling me "mommy." Waking up, I knew it meant something, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon. I'm only 19 years old, my future is not even set, but I'm selfish. I thought having him would ruin my life. But now I'm living it full of regrets. I bet he would have been the cutest thing on earth, the sweetest little boy, the baby I've always dreamed to have. How can I, how can I? I just want him back. I love my little Vincent so much. His dad and I would have tried our best to give him the greatest future and the happiest home. I was so foolish, I was so dumb. Now I'm living in this misery. Missing him and loving him every day for the rest of my life. I love you, god bless you baby, I'm sorry for not giving you life. I LOVE YOU.
Age: 19
Location: Tampa, FL
Date: July 25, 2011
Back in the 80's abortion was like birth control. We did it. We all did it. We did it and then we went to work, play etc. We didn't think for a second about the unborn "babies" we were destroying. We thought of ourselves. What wasn't "convenient" was discarded. I went on with my life and didn't give what I had done another thought. UNTIL I delivered my first daughter 4 years later. That's when it hit me and the pain started. The guilt, remorse, regret, and disgust for my decisions. I was horrified at myself and my generation. I lay in bed at night trying to picture my 2 unborn babies being mercilessly murdered at my own will. I am haunted to this day. I went on to deliver 2 more healthy children and with each birth I relived my murder. I am still sad, haunted, and empty from my callous choices back in the 80's. As a mature woman with 3 children, I am now about to become a Grandmother. My unmarried, depressed, 20 year old daughter is pregnant. She too thought it was not a "convenient" time to become a mother. It took every ounce of strength and fortitude I could muster up to help her decide NOT to abort. The abortion was already paid for, and scheduled, 4x before she shared her predicament with me. I prayed and asked the church and was counseled how to approach her and they all stepped in. What seemed like a lot of trouble, and hopeless, has proven to be more than worth it. My baby is having a baby and I will be a Grandmother. I have since signed up to volunteer at a Pregnancy Outreach Center to help other young girls face this hard road. I am thankful that God is using me and my testimony to help others avoid the pain and torment my "choice" left me with.
Age: 51
Location: New Jersey
Date: July 23, 2011
When I was 17, I found out I was pregnant a month after my boyfriend of 3 years got kicked out of his parents house. Two weeks later, his job closed down… the week before I found out I was pregnant, he broke up with me so I felt alone and scared… My decision was selfish because my boyfriend's mother was pregnant with him at my age so I felt like I was somehow killing my boyfriend inside. For a long time, I went into a depression and cried over everything… I am so sorry to my unborn baby… I love you and always will. Please forgive me.
Age: 19
Location: Florida
Date: July 19, 2011
I am 34 and married to a man who aborted his son 33 years ago. Every time I look at our 5 kids I wonder what their oldest brother would have been like. I've even wondered if I was intended to marry him and not his father! Abortion still impacts those around him, 3 decades later.
Age: 36
Location: Vineland, NJ
Date: June 28, 2011
When I was 13 years old, I went to a high school party where there was alcohol and drugs... I was raped. And then two months later, I realized I was pregnant... I don't believe in abortion, but I had no choice at the age 13. It was devastating. Never in my life did I expect to be on that table with those tools inside of me. It hurt and I was held down because I was in such pain. My mother and I cried all the way home and I was sleeping for three days straight. I didn't bother to eat, I couldn't. I was sick and all I could think of was that I let them hurt my baby. It was a sad year and now I'm 17. That baby would be going on 4 now. I gave up life, a human, a star. I gave up reality for that kid, and if I could take it back I would. And I'm sorry that I didn't give you a chance to live, baby. I love you with all my heart and I will always remember how happy I was having you in my stomach. R.I.P. baby. August 19th 2008.
Age: 17
Location: Waynesville, MO
Date: June 23, 2011
When I was 16, I got my girlfriend pregnant... Her mom and dad made her get an abortion and asked me to come. It was the worst feeling, sitting in the waiting room. I cried because of the thought that I was letting someone kill my baby who was only down the hall. We cried on the way home. I never even got to see the face, didn't even know the gender. It could have been a genius, pro athlete, maybe even president. But that's something the world will never know. I'll be getting a tattoo dedicated to my unborn child. He/she would be going on two now. Females aren't the only ones who think about what happens in that room.
Age: 18
Location: Waynesville, Missouri
Date: June 23, 2011
Walking into the clinic was scary, but I saw a ton of other girls my age there, which calmed me down a little bit. What was happening didn't hit me until I was sitting there waiting. After a while a nurse came to bring me upstairs. She gave me an ultra sound and told me I was 12 weeks. Then it was all over. I don't remember much except for feeling sick when I woke up. I ended up going home and felt fine the next day. I actually felt like my life started over, I felt like a brand new person with an excellent attitude. It didn't hit me for a few months about what I actually did... Today, I am a stronger person because of it and I try to look at the positives rather the negatives. I did this to better myself and my life. My child would have had a deadbeat, loser, drug addicted father and I would have been raising a child on my own. I would have lost my freedom and teenage years so I know that the choice was only to better myself and my life, but it has left me so hurt knowing that I could have brought a child into this world and Instead was selfish. I try to not hate myself for it but most days I truly do. Girls, if your ever in this situation, PLEASE make sure you look at this from start to end. Look at your life 5, even 10 years from now. Ask yourself if this is right for you. If you think you can't raise a child on your own right now, there's always someone else out there that can so give a child a chance. Don't be selfish and always, always always consider your options before making any decisions. Don't let anyone run your life; it's YOUR life and you have the rights. Thanks for listening, it feels good to be able to talk.
Age: 18
Location: Bellingham, MA
Date: June 18, 2011
I was 18 years old and recently graduated from high school, starting my freshman year of college on scholarship. I had waited to have sex because I never wanted to be a pregnant teen. My boyfriend and I had only been together 3 months when we decided to have sex... When I told my boyfriend (I was pregnant), I told him I wanted to keep it... In the weeks that followed he was very abusive and insisted abortion was my only choice. I was so scared of what he would do to me if I didn't do it. So I made the appointment. I was so terrified at the office. My boyfriend refused to come with me, insisting the procedure was no big deal... I spent the next week in such a deep depression, I had nightmares. I now have one daughter and can not have anymore. I was told I was lucky to have the daughter I do have because I may not ever have another child, and all I think about is how I could have had 2 children. I regret that day so much it hurts. I think about the baby and whether it was a boy or girl, what it would have looked like, what I would have named it. And every year on the estimated delivery date of that child, I remember it and think about how old it would have been now. I wish i could share the feeling with every girl so that she would know the pain she could feel after choosing to take the easy way out.
Age: 23
Location: Sun Valley, NV
Date: June 18, 2011
I used to live by the saying "no regrets, just mistakes", and now I can truly say that I DO regret this, and that I will for the rest of my life. It is the biggest mistake that I have made and I would do whatever I could to go back in time. If you are thinking about having an abortion, PLEASE think long and hard about your decision. There ARE other options out there for you aside from terminating your pregnancy, all you have to do is ask for help... I know I will get through it, but it won't be easy and I will never not regret it.
Age: 22
Location: California
Date: June 16, 2011
When I was 14, I got pregnant by my boyfriend and ran away so my parents wouldn't know. But I came back and was strongly pressured into abortion by my parents who told me I had no choice. I didn't have a say, so I went through with it. When I was in there alone, they took an ultrasound and told me I was at 7 weeks and 2 days. This touched my heart and I tried to stay unemotional as they took my blood and gave me an IV. The whole time I was on that operating table I wanted to scream and cry and say, "No please don't kill my baby." It was the most emotionally painful thing I've ever gone through. Me and my boyfriend cry about it everyday but are still together... But he doesn't know the heartbreak the mother feels when her child is no longer safe inside her and she is the one that let it happen in silence. I'll never stop missing my baby and wishing i had done more to protect him and love him. I'm so sorry, my baby. I love you. Forgive me.
Age: 15
Location: California
Date: June 6, 2011
The day of my abortion, the person that was supposed to take me canceled on me and when I tried to wake my roommate up to have someone there with me, she wouldn't budge so I had to go by myself (I think that was the hardest, not even having someone there with you). I sat there with no support and just had thoughts running through my head. I had to have an ultrasound and chose not to see the pictures. I sat in the room crying my eyes out and the nurse was the only person around to tell me it was okay. It has been 5 years now and I regret the choice I made. I wish I would have actually sat back and thought about it. I became so depressed that I had to take depression pills. I don't really have anyone to talk to about how I feel. My parents don't even know so when I do get sad, I have to hide my tears. (as i sit in my room typing this the tears are just rolling). I don't regret much in my life but this I really do.
Age: 23
Location: Detroit, MI
Date: June 3, 2011
In June 2006, my parents sent me to my moms friends for the summer to get me away from my ex boyfriend. I had skipped a period so I took a test and it came out positive. I didn't know what to do so I mentioned that I hadn't gotten my period so my mom's friend brought me to Target and got one from there. She made me walk around the store with the test so people would stare at me. I was afraid and this is how I was being treated. We got back to her house. I took the test. It read out positive again so she called my mom and she drove down that night so the next morning I woke up and they were already calling clinics. I couldn't believe they were doing that without talking to me. I wanted to keep the baby. I know I could have done it even though it was going to be hard. If I couldn't keep it, I wanted to place the baby up for adoption. They wouldn't let me so I went through the abortion. I felt everything they did. I cried the whole time. I wouldn't let my mom come see me in the recovery room. I didn't want anything to do with anyone. I felt so alone.... all I did was cry for months... every time March comes around I sit there and think, I would have a 4 year old running around.
Age: 20
Location: Washington
Date: May 30, 2011
I got an abortion Friday and now regret it. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm so torn up and mad. One of my biggest regrets by far.
Age: 21
Location: Rancho Cucamonga
Date: May 29, 2011
It has taken many years for me to open up about my past abortion. After many years of the Holy Spirit working in me, I am here to stand against abortion. The choice to have an abortion is awful. The thought of the entire process haunts you forever, it never goes away. I know I am forgiven and have accepted that but I still would change history if I could.
Age: 29
Location: Ohio
Date: May 25, 2011
I had an abortion when I was 18. I was graduating high school and was so excited so a bunch of my friends threw me a huge party for my graduation. I met this guy there and we started talking. At that time I thought he was really cute. After a few drinks I ended up staying the night at his house. I didn't know he was friends with my best friend at the time. The next day was my high school graduation. Two weeks after my graduation I missed my period and started to get worried. I took a pregnancy test and it came up positive. I ended up calling out of work for the next week and went to the doctors to make sure. I was pregnant. Now I had a choice to make and I didn't know what to do. It took me 6 months to tell my parents everything. When I told the guy I was pregnant he didn't believe me and didn't want anything to do with it. I was getting pressured and I had an abortion. It was the worst experience of my life. I felt everything from the pill they made me take the night before. It was horrible and ever since then I regret it so much. I think about it every day and I cry because of the decision I made and it wasn't the right one. It wasn't what I wanted. Now as mothers day comes around I get upset and think about how much my life would have been different and regret everything I did.
Age: 20
Location: Poughkeepsie, NY
Date: May 6, 2011
I had an abortion on January 28, 2011. I am 35. It was my first pregnancy, I had the abortion at 9 weeks, and it now would have been 21 weeks. Now I find the relationship dissolving... I have always considered myself fiercely independent but somehow I couldn't muster the courage to consider raising a baby alone or losing a man I thought I loved so much. I am quite sure my parents would have gladly helped with the child and supported me having a baby alone but still at age 35, I felt like an unmarried failure.... I cried a lot but finally decided to go through with it. My boyfriend insisted I pay half and that I arrange the appointment. Now I understand that he did that to make it seem as if he wasn't 'pressuring' me into it... There were picketers out front with gory posters and a clinic worker was there to escort you in. My boyfriend seemed more worried about avoiding the picketers than he was worried about me, but I commented that picketers are the price you pay for killing your baby... At the clinic I felt completely stoic and comfortable with my decision... The bloodwork nearly made me faint, I could hear the suction machine in the room next door before they came in for my procedure (disturbing), and I saw the doctor for a total of 15 seconds when he said "sign this paper, it's the law." But the surgical procedure was quick, I was "put under," the nurses were kind, and I bled hardly at all... But by Valentine's Day, I was filled with grief at "what could have been." I started feeling pangs of remorse, regret, deep sadness and anger that I lost something that could've been so special... I think eventually these feelings too shall pass. I just wish I had been more compassionate, and able to see the bigger picture. I wish I hadn't pinned hopes on a relationship that was probably doomed anyway. Since the abortion, my boyfriend completely withdrew emotionally, at times was very mean to me... I really believed I was so pro-choice that this would be a breeze. I convinced myself it would all work out in the end. I didn't think all of these feelings would crop up. Every day I think about my decision in some way. Some days I'm strong and push my thoughts away. Other days, like today, are sad.... knowing I must move forward without that man, without that baby, and live with my decision, is so very hard...
Age: 35
Location: Oklahoma
Date: April 20, 2011
I had an abortion on March 16, 2007. I was 33 at the time. It was my first pregnancy. I had a good job, was independent, and financially stable. I have no history of substance abuse or mental health issues, and I have a large support group. I made the decision, which I regret deeply, out of fear and weakness. My child's father, who was going through a divorce at the time, didn't want to have any more children, and encouraged me to terminate the pregnancy. I never expected that response from him, and I never expected the subsequent weakness I displayed from myself. While I've always been pro-choice, I never thought I would face the decision myself. I made the decision in a daze. It wasn't because of him, it was because I was weak. I was faced with the prospect of raising a baby alone, and I froze. I couldn't see how it would work - starting with how to pay for daycare. All of the financial stability in the world goes out the window with an unplanned pregnancy. I did consider adoption, for a nanosecond, and quickly dismissed it. It's funny how adoption was never really a consideration for me, the same way abortion is not for some. On the day of my abortion, a man dressed in a grim reaper costume was walking around outside with some kind of sign. I can't really remember what it said, but I'll never forget him. The next most significant memory is the woman who conducted the pre-abortion ultra sound asking me if I wanted to know if it was twins or not. Even writing that now makes me throw up in my mouth. The pre-abortion counseling was helpful - only in the sense that it reinforced to me that I had all of the facts going it. The woman was quite impressed with my knowledge about the procedure, the numbers, the resources, etc. I'm quite a researcher, and knew all there was to know before I went in. At least so I thought. The bottom line is I regret nothing more. I am disgusted with myself, devastated about about the decision I made, and silently dying over it. I would change it in a second, and would do anything to make it different. I don't know what the right decision for anyone else is, but I know it was the wrong decision for me. I love you baby.
Age: 37
Location: Massachusetts
Date: April 19, 2011
When my girlfriend became pregnant (who is not my wife now) shortly after Roe v. Wade, I was such a coward that I actually talked the girl's dad into paying for the abortion. What a low-life I was! Even though I was so selfish as to want to kill my own child, and tried to tell myself it was no big deal, when I think back, I remember that, in my heart, I knew it was wrong. As is the case many times, my girlfriend and I broke up shortly after that. We haven't been in contact since. So I pushed it deep down into my soul for many, many years until one Sunday in the mid 1990s when I was attending church, they played a pro-life video for the congregation. That is the first time I sobbed over what I had done. I've been strongly pro-life ever since, and now my wife (who is also post-abortive from a previous marriage) and I go to the Planned Parenthood in Denver ever Saturday morning to desperately try to talk moms and dads out of making the same devastating mistake we both have made in our lives. Our most fervent prayer is for many more Christians to join us in speaking for those who can't speak for themselves.
Age: 57
Location: Longmont, CO
Date: April 14, 2011
When I was 19 I had an abortion. I felt at the time that is my only option. My boyfriend did not want to be a father, my mother did not want to be a grandmother and in all honesty I did not want to be a mother yet. I chose the abortion and it has haunted me ever since. I thought I was okay with the decision and felt fine about it initially. After some time I'd find myself feeling guilty and having regret.I began drinking heavily, became more sexually active than I was previous to the abortion and I was doing all of this to numb the pain of the regret and the guilt and the pain. One bad choice led to another and I ended up being involved in a drunk driving fatality car crash. I was put on trial for first degree manslaughter. One bad choice after another and many lives were affected by my choices... I know that women have come on here celebrating their abortions and for those women I hope that you truly are okay... I think that the posts speak for themselves and that the majority of women out there who go through abortion have some degree of regret, guilt and pain... Abortion is damaging and I hope for each and every woman out there who has gone through it that you all find healing in your lives.
Age: 38
Location: Texas
Date: April 10, 2011
About a month ago I started getting really bad headaches. My mom decided to take me to a doctor where they did a blood test. The doctor then said that my blood results said I was pregnant. I was completely blindsided and unprepared by the news. I was only dating the guy I got pregnant with for about a month. He was the first guy I ever slept with and I was naïve at the time and trusted him. My mom was furious and told me that I needed to get an abortion or I would not be allowed to come home. I told the guy I was seeing that I was pregnant, He then told me that “we were too young and had a lot ahead of us and a baby would change that”. The night before the abortion I began to get second thoughts. I asked the guy to meet me so we could talk about this in person and that I wanted to talk about adoption. He then told me that he was going to go out drinking with his friends and he would text me. He texted me “what kind of life would “it” have when we are so young, you need to get an abortion because anything else would be a mistake”. He also promised me that we would work through this, that he would not hate me and this would be something that made our relationship stronger. He never came to the clinic with me, he never offered to pay and he didn’t talk to my parents with me. The next day I went to the clinic with my mom. I started crying and afterwards and I felt this immediate sense of regret. I began to feel this emotional drunkenness and blindness. The next two days I cried hysterically I would text and call the guy begging him to come over because I couldn’t be alone. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me I was not a bad person. I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night because of a night terror and I wanted him there to tell me everything was okay . He never came over he would just text me “you are not a bad person”... I have slipped into such a deep depression since then. I can’t sleep, I don’t eat, I have panic attacks and I have not been able to make it to class the last week...
Age: 21
Location: Illinois, USA
Date: April 10, 2011
I had an abortion because the man I had been dating was and still is a commissioned, active duty officer serving in the United States Air Force... His coercion for not wanting to get in trouble for having caused an enlisted woman to become pregnant is what led me to killing my precious second child. Before and during the abortion procedure, I experienced fear and anxiety. After having a discussion with the abortionist, Dr. Larry Burns, to ensure we wanted to proceed with the "choice" of abortion, I was taken into a recovery room to get prepared for the procedure. From there, I was led into the abortuary suite by the nurse and Dr. Burn's wife, Debbie... I remember asking Debbie, before the nurse successfully put the IV in my arm, if God would forgive me for what I was doing. Debbie assured me, He would... Immediately after my abortion, I felt shame and disbelief at what I had just done... I am so thankful for the healing I found through Rachel's Vineyard. I am most thankful for the grace and mercy the Lord has given to me. It is my prayer that my story can be a witness to other military men and women that they do NOT have to choose abortion and if they have, there IS healing, forgiveness, and life after abortion.
Age: 35
Location: Oklahoma City, OK, USA
Date: April 9, 2011
I've recently learned that 64% of American women who have had abortions felt pressured by others. I am one of those women. When I became pregnant at age 17, I was pressured by my father to get an abortion. Abortion was the only "choice" presented. I was told MY life would be destroyed if I didn't get one. Nobody discussed the destruction of the other life that would be affected. I still weep to this day over my decision to kill my own child, a choice I cannot take back. Whether the motive be for convenience, profit, or misguided advice, we must protect vulnerable women from coercion and pressure to get an abortion. The reality of abortion and alternatives must be made available to help others make an informed decision that will not haunt them for the rest of their lives.
Age: 41
Location: Alaska
Date: April 8, 2011
When I was 17, I got pregnant. My boyfriend and I were ready to keep the baby, and even broke the news to both families. His family was so excited to be grandparents. My family wasn't so excited. My mom was ready to stand by me in whatever I decided, but was very disappointed that we hadn't been taking the proper precautions. My dad was another story. He was dead set on having an abortion. He pressured me everyday and when I told him that I didn't know what I was gonna do, he would not speak to me for the rest of the night. One day, I decided to tell him that I was gonna keep it, and he flew off the handle about it and left the house slamming the door behind him. I will never forget that day. Just knowing that I had disappointed him so much, I flipped my decision and scheduled an abortion. After having it, everything seemed fine...but that didn't last very long. I spiraled into a depression and my life was out of my control. There was and still is never a day that goes by that I don't think about my little one that could have been, and I regret ever listening to my parents' pressure to take away that tiny life I had inside of me. There are no words to explain the hurt I have suffered through for the years that have gone by since the procedure. Eventually, everything I had, including my boyfriend, who had became tired of my behavior, left me. I never told him about anything that had happened, including the abortion, and claimed that I miscarried. I never had anyone to talk to about it because I was so ashamed. This is my first time being able to open up about it to anyone. So please, anyone even considering, think about what this will affect in the long run. R.I.P. little one.
Age: 22
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: April 8, 2011
When I was 19, I was pregnant and scared. Each person I went to for advice told me that whatever choice I made they would stand by me. I thought I was too young to have a baby, that I wasn't sure if I was in love, and afraid that I wouldn't be a good mother. Adoption was never even offered as a "choice." It was either keep the baby or abort. I chose abortion, expressing my right to do what I want with my body. Even though I have 4 wonderful children now, and a great husband, I still regret my abortion on a daily basis.
Age: 35
Location: New Hampshire
Date: April 8, 2011
I was 17 when I got pregnant. My boyfriend and I were ready to keep the baby, and even broke the news to my family. My mother cried everyday. One day she came in my room and convinced me to have an abortion. She told me it was going to ruin my life and my child's life... If I could go back and change things, I would. Not just because I want children now, but because it took me years to realize how wrong it is to take away another's life. It shouldn't be a choice.
Age: 25
Location: Florida
Date: April 1, 2011
I will never be OK. I will never get over this. I will never be truly happy. Because I was scared and had an abortion. My baby was sick. I have a thyroid problem and his brain was not developed properly. I was 21, living with my boyfriend and now husband. I know what you are thinking–you were sick–what do you have to feel guilty about? The thing is I know with all my heart that even if he was healthy, I would have given him up so that my partner and I would have a good future. Ironic isn't it? Now my future seems worse without him.
Age: 22
Location: Australia
Date: April 1, 2011
I am now 48 years old. In my early 20's I had 3 abortions. These abortions left me in turmoil. It affected every area of my life... Women please don't believe the lie that abortion is quick and easy and will be over and done. It ends life and will forever change yours in horrible ways you never dreamed of.
Age: 48
Location: USA
Date: March 12, 2011
It is all a blur as to how I chose abortion. I thought that this baby that was growing in my stomach was nothing but a sickness. My best friend at the time would keep telling me that it was nothing but a alien that needed to be extracted. I remember everything that happened the day of my abortion appointment. I remember that I wanted to leave, but something inside my head was telling me to continue and that it wasn't all that bad. After the appointment, my body has not been the same. I would even have dreams of my baby that I killed ruthlessly. One day, I finally broke down and fell on my knees and prayed for God to give me a sign that he was real and for him to help me believe again. I was an Atheist for years prior to my abortion and with my back turned on God. I believe Satan used me as a pong for his evil deeds. I beg for forgiveness every day that I am alive. I can never forgive myself for the abortion I had. I am now Pro-Life and want others to hear my story. I want to help stop the ignorance that I fell easily to. Abortion is not the answer to an unwanted pregnancy. And now that I look back at what I did, I know that I could have raised my baby all by myself. It would have been hard, but I could have done it. I shouldn't have listened to the opinions of others, or the threats. I should have trusted in myself and in the few people who supported me in having that baby.
Age: 20
Location: Michigan
Date: March 5, 2011
I went to my appointment on March 3 and had the abortion. It was the worst experience of my life. So many women there getting abortions..... I can honestly say that I wish I didn't have the choice of abortion. I wish it wasn't even an option!! That would have saved my babies life. I wouldn't be sitting here grieving for the loss of my baby. My first thoughts this morning were... God, how I wish we could rewind, and that today is yesterday and I could make the decision to NOT have an abortion.
Age: 28
Location: Indiana
Date: March 4, 2011
When I was 25, I found myself in a situation where I began medical school and there was no way that I could have a child that would ruin it for me after I worked so hard to get in. My boyfriend felt that he would never allow anyone who is carrying his child to get an abortion but it is funny how when the situation occurs thoughts change from knowing what is the right thing to do (have the child) vs. doing what you feel is in your best interest (selfishness) though you might also think that you can't provide for the child so you rationalize it to think you are doing what is in the best interest of the child. If that were truly the case then how is it that teenagers are able to have children and make it work, how about single moms who have no family support.... there has to be a way if the will is there. Either way I had the medical abortion and it was so emotionally heart-wrenching especially since i said i would never have another abortion. I didn't have complications except that they had to give me another dose of the pill to remove all the "material" left in me. I bled so much. it caused a lot of blaming in the relationship and sad feelings.
Age: 29
Location: USA
Date: February 4, 2011
When I was sixteen years old I had my first abortion. I was told that it was tissue and the baby had not yet formed. They sat me down in an office with a counselor and she gave me her word that babies do not form until after the three month trimester, she even showed me brochures to back up her statements. They told me it would be, "quick, over in a minute". I would feel nothing and I would be able to move on with my life... this was the advice given to me and so I did... After all, I was not killing a child yet, I was "removing tissue." My heart told me otherwise but I ignored it. My first time seeing what a baby looks like at twelve weeks was in late 2010 at a museum. I tried not to give it much thought [but] the baby that I saw in the tube at the museum did not resemble a tissue. It had everything I have but in smaller portions... Abortionists are not telling people the truth. I pray that young girls and woman all across the world will see the truth of what abortion is. It is murder.
Age: 29
Location: United States
Date: February 2, 2011
Right before I went into the abortion station, while seated in the queue waiting my turn, I heard the woman before me scream. The doctor had told us it didn't hurt so why was she screaming? I was terrified, but I walked in there and though I experienced pain the likes of which I'd never known, I didn't cry, I didn't scream. I was strong. Many women wailed and fought and the walls reverberated with their screams but I clasped my mouth shut and waited for that 10 mins that felt like an eternity to just end... I regret what I did so much, and when my sister called me recently and admitted how guilty she felt over coercing me to terminate the pregnancy I didn't console her. She deserves to feel that guilt. So do I. I should have been stronger, I should have fought harder, I should have given my baby a shot but I didn't and I will have to live with that... God forgives us all-- He's more understanding than we may think. Funny how I always thought He was the one I'd have to answer to. What they don't tell you is that your biggest critic and the one who'll find it hardest to forgive you is yourself.
Age: 21
Location: Portsmouth, UK
Date: January 28, 2011
In August of 2003 I had an abortion. I grew up in church and thought I was a Christian. I never believed in abortions and said I would never get one. That all changed the day I found out I was pregnant. I was in college and 21 years old. The first thoughts that went through my head were "how am I going to tell my parents". I'm not sure why I thought that, other than I knew I would be ashamed. They would have been disappointed, but they would have continued to love me and would have helped me with the pregnancy. But I didn't go to my parents, I took the pregnancy test with a friend who had already had an abortion. She made it seem like it wouldn't be that bad and she didn't seem to be too regretful. Then I went to my boyfriend at the time, who I had been dating for about 2 years. He just cried and asked me to have an abortion. I think I just shut down my emotions and anything that I felt and just made the appointment and was there a week later... the pain was overwhelming. Not so much physically, but the emotional realization that I just killed my baby. I "chose" to do this. I wish that I didn't have the "choice"... I will never forget the worst day of my life and the worst decision I could ever make... If you are considering an abortion, do NOT do it. You will regret it and it will live with you forever.
Age: 29
Location: Kentucky
Date: January 25, 2011
Everyday since [the abortion] I relive [the misery], maybe not in its entirety but to an extent. It has never gone away! And throughout all these 13 years, through friends' pregnancies, especially my three pregnancies, and the birth of my three beautiful babies, it has always hit me the hardest to know that this is what I have destroyed, what I killed! It has taken me 13 years to get on my knees (literally) and ask the Lord to forgive me.
Age: 27
Location: California
Date: January 21, 2011
I have read many of the stories on your web page. Many of them are very recent, but I feel it is very important to know that the pain doesn't go away. I had my abortion 10 years ago and I am still filled with pain and loss. The details are not important because no matter what the situation, there is someone out there that can and will help. Feeling as if I had no other options like most other girls do, I decided to have an abortion. The day is scarred into my memory for the rest of my life. I would urge you to get all the facts and to get all your other options before you make your decision. Anyone who tells you to get an abortion doesn't really care about you. God cares about you and with him you can do anything. He never said it would be easy. God has since blessed me with 2 wonderful children and I thank him daily for giving them to me but there should have been 3. So to my unborn child, I can not say I am sorry enough. With deepest regrets...
Age: 28
Location: Belton, SC
Date: January 11, 2011
I made the unthinkable decision to abort my baby at 13 weeks pregnant. Women reading this, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, read my story carefully and know you are making the biggest mistake anyone could ever make in their life. I am overwhelmed with emotions of regret and disgust for what I have done to my precious unborn child... I allowed those doctors to put me to sleep and take my baby's life away and that is something I will live with and regret for the rest of my life... Whatever happens in your life, your relationship, etc. I promise you, you will regret with everything you have inside of you the decision to abort your baby. There are videos and information you can find anywhere on the internet showing you EXACTLY what this process actually is, and EXACTLY how horrible it is for the baby growing inside of you. PLEASE view them before you make this awful mistake. It is absolutely heart wrenching and disgusting, and literally made me sick to my stomach. Unfortunately, I did not view these videos or read any information beforehand. I cannot take back what I have done, at this point all I can do is try to cope with these feelings of guilt, disgust, hatred, numbness and emptiness inside of me... Talk to someone before you make this awful, life altering decision. Talk to family, friends, a minister, your partner's family, ANYONE. Read information, view the videos, do what you have to do. I guarantee you, you will be glad you did and you will not make the decision to abort your baby. Know that no matter what happens in life, you CAN and WILL do this as a mom... I will live with what I have done to my baby FOREVER. You can't take it back, you can't reverse it, and you have NO IDEA what you are about to do.
Age: 33
Location: New Jersey
Date: January 4, 2011
I found out that I was pregnant on December 28th of 2010 and made an appointment to get the pill abortion done before I told my boyfriend that I was pregnant. We then talked about it and he made me [go through with it] when I did not want to. Because I care so much about my boyfriend... we both [decided] that it was a good idea to have it done. This is my second abortion and the first one did not hurt as bad as I'm hurting now. If anyone out there is thinking of having an abortion done, don't do it because you will feel bad about getting it done and its too late to go back and have the baby... Wish that I never had this abortion done.
Age: 29
Date: January 4, 2011
I got pregnant when I was 19. I turn 21 in two months. My boyfriend was someone who didn't care about me. Used me for sex, and pretended he was a good person... [he] hounded me to get an abortion. He did not feel anything towards me or his unborn child... When I went in to get my sonogram the person who did it did not show me my baby. When I asked to see it, he said I could "next time." This moron clearly knew I was having an abortion. It was a heartless thing to say... I was awake for my abortion, and I felt everything, it was very painful, and they had told me it wouldn't be. It only took around ten minutes. I was 11 weeks pregnant... I live about a 15 minute walk from the hospital where I got it done. They were not concerned about whether I had a way home or not, even though in all the papers it said you HAD to have someone drive you home, buses weren't an option. Well, little did they know, I walked home, in the pouring rain by myself... Although I am still pro-choice, I advise everyone to look at adoption before abortion. Abortions are not fun, they are not easy, and the people you deal with do not care about you at all. Not many people know I have had an abortion, because I am ashamed. My baby deserved life, even if I could not give it to him or her, someone else could have.
Age: 20
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Date: December 31, 2010
I had recently turned 16 when found out I was pregnant... I didn't know what to do. I was scared. My boyfriend was going to stick by my side he told me. I wanted him with me but I thought of me, and I started being selfish saying how many chances had been ruined for me now that I was pregnant. I started thinking about abortion I was scared. I only told one friend of mine, and she set up the appointment. I didn't know how far along I was. I was just thinking of my self. I didn't tell my boyfriend. I went in to have the procedure done on June 8, 2010. I was 13 weeks and 4 days along when I terminated my baby. At first nothing emotionally hit me. I wasn't feeling sad or happy about it. Two months later I broke down. My life went down hill. I regret it so much... it tore me apart so much.
Age: 16
Location: Miami, FL
Date: December 19, 2010
I was with my high school sweetheart for over a year. Towards the end we fought a lot and I broke it off. 2 months later I found out that I was 3 months pregnant at 17. i called him and he was immature about it. I decided to get n abortion since we were no longer together. The nurses were cold and unsympathetic. Since I couldn't go under general anesthesia I had a conscious sedation. I could feel EVERYTHING. When they wheeled me into the waiting room I broke down crying. I thought I had made the right decision but it felt wrong. i have thought about my baby every day. I actually became a child development major to ensure that I would be the best parent I could be when the time was "right." My ex and I started to date again my junior year of college and the past haunts him as well. Not a day goes by where we don't think about the horrible decision we made in haste. He hurts just as much as I do, it just took more time for him. I hate seeing older women with babies because it hurts me to know that I couldn't have mine because I wasn't "old" enough. I think it would have been alright, which is why it hurts so badly. If you are considering abortion think it through for a couple of weeks. I had scheduled mine a week after I found out I was pregnant. I hadn't absorbed the emotional damage it would cause, and I deeply regret it everyday.
Age: 21
Location: Fremont, CA
Date: December 15, 2010
I had my first abortion when I was 17 years old. Unfortunately, I did not come from a supportive family and I thought that the baby would provide me with a loving relationship. The father was young also and very concerned with "the streets" not a child. After I told him that I was pregnant he disappeared and resurfaced 4 months later with a new girlfriend who was also pregnant. My decision to have an abortion was a long one, my dreams of a family had vanished and I was alone again. I will never forget the abortion clinic on that dark and rainy day. I will never forget the cold and unfeeling receptionist who yelled at me to "speak up!" when I tried to ask her for the correct floor. Finally, I will never forget the empty feeling in my heart when I finally woke from the anesthesia. It was over and there was no one left but me and my regret. Instead of a child the regret has grown with me over the years, it has evolved into a dark cloud that never goes away.
Age: 38
Location: New York
Date: December 10, 2010
** TO DATE, THIS IS THE 2ND TESTIMONY ABORT73 HAS EVER RECEIVED FROM A WOMAN "CELEBRATING" HER ABORTION. BECAUSE OF THE ACCUSATIONS BOTH WOMEN MAKE, BOTH HAVE BEEN INCLUDED. THE COMBATIVE TONE OF BOTH WOMEN LEAD US TO BELIEVE THAT THEY MAY NOT BE AS AT PEACE WITH THEIR ABORTIONS AS THEY THINK THEMSELVES TO BE.
When I was 15 and again when I was 21 I had an abortion and it was the best decision of my life...for both myself and my unborn. Four years later, here I am pregnant again and due to give birth in July. This was a wanted pregnancy that will result in a happy and loved child, not a resented and unwanted one. I am proud to say I have had abortions and no "regret syndromes" or any of that bull---- you people invent. I bet you won't post this on your page though, will you?
Age: 25
Location: Manchester, NH
Date: December 4, 2010
I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant... I had a boyfriend who was 38, twenty years older than me. When I told him I was pregnant, his immediate response was "You have to get an abortion." I was heart broken. I felt sick to my stomach, and I just cried out in desperation "Please....what about adoption?" He said the cruelest thing to me.....He told me I would get all fat and stretched out, and have nothing to show for it. I was devastated... I did not want to choose abortion. Every day he called me and hounded me about abortion. I finally gave in to him. I was glad that I had finally made a choice. I thought I could put it out of my head, and never think about it after that. Was I ever wrong... I walked out of that clinic that day a changed person. Gone was my innocence. I no longer could trust anyone, and I mean not one person. I never knew the fear and anxiety and panic that was to come. I would later give birth to 3 children, and spend so much time worrying about them, and wondering if God was going to rip them away from me at some point... Recently I started a post-abortion recovery group/bible study, and it has been awesome. I never knew the impact that abortion had on my life. 13 years, I suffered in silence. There was no socially acceptable way to grieve the baby I had aborted, and no way to tell anyone of the pain I felt. God has His timing, I suppose, and now I'm dealing with it. It has been painful to dig it up again, but so necessary for me to do, in order to move on. I wish I had been able to access some information about what abortion really is.
Location: Coeur d Alene, ID
Date: November 27, 2010
I have NEVER shared my story with anyone! But if this helps one woman out there then my shame will be worth it! Before even going into details, I read a few of these stories and I feel worse!... After my divorce, I turned 21! Hurt, angry and alone (so I thought) I turned to the party scene! Mainly to feel numb! I didn't respect myself or anyone at this very low point in my life! I became pregnant and the father said he wasn't ready for another child and talked me into having an abortion. Being in the medical field I convinced myself it was just a surgical procedure. We went to the clinic and I was taken back and asked a few questions, was given a pregnancy test and then the sonar. They would not allow me to see the sonar at all! I was so sick with morning sickness that I had already been in the hospital for dehydration and was on the verge of losing my job. There I go defending my decision again. Truth is, there is no good enough excuse, period! The woman doing the sonar said if i saw it I wouldn't go through with it! Imagine, I would still have a choice. After that they gave my valium and tylenol! Forty-five minutes later, I was on a cold table with so much noise I couldn't think! I didn't know what to expect but it was more painful than I imagined. Not just physically but in every aspect you could have pain! It looked like a big vacuum cleaner and you could hear chunks of flesh being ripped from my womb! I can only describe what happened to me next as a complete separation from my soul! At that moment not only did I murder my child, a precious gift from God, but also I killed my soul! After the recovery phase there, the father drove me home and left me! I wish I could say that I had some spiritual awakening but regretably I sank further into an evil world!... I sank into a deep depression and even attempted to kill myself with a bunch of pills! They just made me throw up, didn't realize it at the time but that was God! My torture of self still continues to this day! I know that God has forgiven me, the hard part is forgiving myself!... every September through November I am so depressed I can't breathe. I don't know where to begin to help but I hope this was the right place! I can only say that I feel those babies would have brought more blessing to my life than hardship!
Age: 35
Location: Alabama
Date: November 24, 2010
I aborted my little girl, Avery, eight years ago. I made the wrong "choice" and am still working to recover from my abortion. Although I will never heal completely there is hope that my story can be used for good. If you know someone who is hurting from abortion encourage them to get help dealing with their emotional, mental, and spiritual turmoil. The lies that people feed to women are loud, but the truth speaks even louder- every pregnancy is immediately a life, not a choice. I miss my baby and love her very much.
Age: 26
Location: Mabank, TX
Date: November 23, 2010
Three months after I lost my virginity, I became pregnant. I was shocked! I never thought that would happen to me! See, I was always the responsible one. I even waited until I was 18 to lose my virginity, solely because I believed that as an adult, I would be able to handle the consequences of my actions. WRONG! I had no idea what it was to be responsible until I realized that I was going to have to take care of another life. I cried and then contacted the father, who had just told me he loved me for the first time not but one or two weeks prior. I informed him that I was pregnant and then we hung up. After that he would not return my calls and so I would go to his barracks (he was a Marine) to find him and the Staff Duty would always turn me away; saying "he is not here right now". I finally had to get his chain of command involved to even sit down and discuss our next step. He then told me to get an abortion. It was obvious that I was going to be in this alone. I was so scared and unprepared, so I decided to get the abortion as soon as I could in order to avoid "it" turning into a baby, or so I thought. I went to Planned Parenthood and started the process. The one thing that stuck out in my mind is they stated multiple times that MOST women are relieved once the surgery is complete. This made me think that I would be too. I was told that the soonest I could have the procedure done was at 9 weeks along. I waited and then had the procedure. Shortly thereafter, I read that the baby had a heartbeat. I was devastated. I then realized that I had killed a living human being! From time to time, I still think of what might have been. Its a horrible feeling and so I tell my story whenever appropriate. No matter how they see me, if I can help one person avoid making the same decision, then at least my horrible mistake will keep another from happening.
Age: 24
Location: Vine Grove, KY
Date: November 23, 2010
I had an abortion last year and I regret it everyday. Seeing the pictures on the site just broke my heart. Every now and then I think of the wonderful gift god gave me that I threw away. Even if I had had it and given it up for adoption, it would have been better, a family would have gained a child and I would have blessed the world with a beautiful soul. I am still consumed by feelings of guilt and I cried and was tormented for months after my action. I ask God for forgiveness everyday, and I hope he hears me and blesses me with one. For anyone out there who is pregnant reading this and contemplating abortion, please do not do it… You will never be the same again after an abortion.
Age: 22
Location: London
Date: November 23, 2010
I am a single mother of two beautiful girls that are three years old. When I found out I was pregnant again, I was excited. Although I knew that I was young and already had children I was excited to bring another life into this world. Telling the father was the hard part. He was not excited at all. In fact, he was at a loss for words. When he was finally able to express his feelings, "get an abortion" was all that I heard. After tons of arguing and disagreeing I ended up going to Planned Parenthood. That was the worst experience of my life. I sat in a cold, crowded room with tons of other women of all different ages–watching 16 and pregnant on MTV as if they were trying to say to you look at these teens, this is why you are here. After I got my ultrasound, I waited in another room with an IV in my arm. An hour later it was my turn and I was called in. They strapped my legs down and I begin to cry. I asked the nurse if the medication was going to put me to sleep and she told me NO! The medication was just going to relax me but I wouldn't be aware of what was going on. Boy was she wrong! I remember everything that took place. I cried and cried and told the nurse and the doctor I didn't want to go through with it, but they just told me I would be okay, relax. I remember the sound of the tools and the pain that they caused me. I remember the jar they threw my baby in and the trash that sat on the side of it. Having an abortion is wrong, there are many different options for parents that are not ready to raise a child. This experience was very eye opening for me, having an abortion is not something that I will ever go through again. Children are innocent and they don't ask to be brought into this world. As adults we must be careful and choose better actions in what we do.
Age: 22
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Date: November 21, 2010
Its been almost 4 years since I had my abortion. I was 16 at the time... I had names picked out and everything, but my family told me that I knew deep down that I would not be with this guy forever. I got it done when I was 12 weeks. A few days before I went to go and get it done they said I was too far along, but they gave me the ultrasound picture of my baby. I went to a different place and got the abortion behind my ex boyfriends back. It was so painful and I saw everything in that jar. I never got over it, my ex and I separated 6 months later, and not even a year afterward he had a baby with someone else. I see pictures of his new baby and wonder if my baby would have looked like him.... I am now scared to hold babies or be around them from my guilt. I ended up throwing away the ultrasound because I was so ashamed.
Age: 19
Location: Michigan
Date: November 13, 2010
Three weeks back, I found out that I was pregnant and I felt heartbroken because I could not afford to have another child. My son is only one year, 11 months, and I haven't given him enough attention. I thought to myself, I can't do this to him.. his father is also not reliable at all... Last weekend I went for a medical abortion pill which is very painful and stressful. I will never do this to myself again... I just pray to the Lord for what I have done. I will never forgive myself at all.
Age: 24
Location: Johannesburg, south africa
Date: November 9, 2010
I had an abortion 3 months ago and the level of depression I feel over my decision is all-consuming. At 38, childless and from a large family, I have dreamed about having a child for many years... I knew my partner would need some persuading that keeping the baby was the best decision but I never anticipated the level of hostility I received when I told him the news. He persuaded me that now was not the time, that I would be ruining his life, that he had travel plans, that we would have a child next year and that, although he wanted to live the rest of his life with me, now was not the time for children. I was shocked at how he felt and, under duress, agreed to have an abortion... I stupidly put my partner and what I thought would be my future before my baby... I have spent every day regretting the decision, feeling such a deep sadness that I've never experienced before... as so many others have experienced, of course my relationship is in ruins and has been unveiled for the sham it really is. I have tried to overdose twice because of the overwhelming feeling of guilt that swamps me... I came on the web to find a solution to try a third time to overdose, this time successfully, and somehow came across your website. It's the best therapy I could have received...
Age: 38
Location: London
Date: October 30, 2010
I was so scared, terrified, horrified of what people would say, how I would take it, the staring, the comments, etc. I was a coward, and I told God, thank you for this baby but I am giving it back to you because I would not be a good mother for this baby. I asked God for His forgiveness and went ahead with the abortion when my boyfriend was working. He never knew about it, but he felt it in his spirit. I was shocked at how connected we were because of this unborn child - I never told him but he sensed a loss. A few weeks later I faked a miscarriage when my period finally came. I went through the whole works, hospital for hours, faking everything. At this point, I just felt like a horrible person, not worthy of living. Not only did I abort our child, I lied about it and made him go through that to save myself of the shame. Everything I did was selfish and I hated myself for it. I couldn't look in the mirror... Abortion is not something that you can just forget about, no matter how hard you try to suppress it.
Age: 23
Location: Canada
Date: October 28, 2010
I had an abortion on May 5th, 2007. I will never forget it because on that day I felt that a part of my soul was lost and I have yet to find it. I was 18 at the time and felt that there was no other alternative. My boyfriend and I were young and foolish, not financially stable and in no condition to be parents, so I made that heart wrenching decision. When I mentally decided that I was going to go through with it, my body became numb, my emotions became cold. As I lay on the bed as the procedure was being done, it felt as though I was going through an outer body experience. It was as if I spiritually removed myself from the situation. I tried focusing on the "ABC's of Success" poster that was mounted on the ceiling, but that didn't help. I gripped the nurse's hand extremely tight and looked in her eyes. I think she could tell how afraid I was. Once my baby was vacuumed out of me, I limped out of the room and what I saw next is what haunts me today. Before I opened the door to walk out, I turned around to look at the bed where I laid and saw remains of my child on the edge of it. My heart sunk, my soul collapsed, and I broke down crying. Indescribable feelings of guilt and remorse took over me and that hasn't changed since. After 3 years, I am still in a state of depression that hides behind a kodak smile and good grades. To anyone considering an abortion, DONT.
Age: 22
Location: Louisiana
Date: October 8, 2010
While I didn't actually have an abortion, my wife did. I was born and raised in Chicago in a highly religious family. I attended church every Sunday and I am still an active member. I met my wife in high school and we've been inseparable since. I joined the marines after I graduated and we were married before I was deployed. I found out my wife was pregnant when I returned. At first I thought that she'd cheated on me because I had been gone for 18 months, then she explained the entire story. While I was away, she was raped by an ex-boyfriend. He was caught but she was left pregnant by the attack. When she told me I was furious. I felt like my time overseas was for nothing. I had fought for my country and for my family's freedom only to come back and learn that it had all been taken while I was away. My wife had a different attitude. She accepted her attack and the child that resulted from it. She expected me to support her decision and carry the child to term. I was selfish and I just wanted things to be the way they were before I left. I told her that she should abort the child for my sake. I said that it was unfair to me because the child that she carried wasn't mine. Eventually she gave in and got the abortion. I didn't even drive her to the clinic. When she came home, she glared at me and cried. She wouldn't even speak to me the rest of the day. What really made it hit home was when she told me that at least the baby was in heaven and away from the cruel world that caused it's conception. When she said that I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I had led to a mother taking her child's life. I felt like the lowest scum in the world. The man who had raped my wife took her security but I went a step beyond that. I had taken her child, her flesh, her blood. My wife and I are still together but we had to receive counseling.'the first sessions were hard but we eventually started to cope with our loss. If it wasn't for our involvement in the church, our progress would have slowed considerably. We have decided to have children of a own someday and we now counsel newlywed couples. It's been a rough journey but we made it.
Age: 25
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: September 19, 2010
I agree with many thoughts and feelings expressed by the lady from South Carolina (August 2). Knowing what I know now... if you really do want children at some point in your life, never have an abortion. Even if it means going it alone. I never had the self belief that I could be a good single mum which I now know I could be. It's been ten years and the pain comes and goes, but it's still there all the same. The emptiness is still there. I thought I had plenty of time to find someone who wanted to settle down and have kids but it hasn't quite worked out that way. I just hope it's not too late. I also want to say that fear itself or fear of what others might think or a decision based on fear should be ignored. It stops you from making an informed decision, I now know that as the UK has a good welfare system as well as other support networks, I could have coped at least till I could work again. I now know that my family, even though mostly far away would have supported me. The fact is no high flying career achieved or striving for material things can make up for that loss and the emotional, mental, spiritual price you pay. After 10 years I never thought I would be saying this, but I truly regret my decision.
Age: 34
Location: UK
Date: August 28, 2010
I had been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I had always been careful but then for about 2 months I was having stomach problems – didn't feel well, but in my heart I knew. I was pregnant – I remember the moment my boyfriend checked the pregnancy test. I was so depressed – upset that at this age before I graduated from school that this could happen to me – that after all my careful planning of my life I could be pregnant. My boyfriend kept saying that we would have another chance – that this was not the right time. We're still together now but its different. We fight so often – for reasons I don't even understand. I shouldn't be upset with him – but I always feel that it is his fault. I thought too that maybe we couldn't have a baby. That I was too young. But I wanted this child.. I wanted it even if the time wasn't right. But my boyfriend was so convinced that the time wasn't right – that we would have time in the future that I listened. We are still together. And he tells me at some times that he thinks about our decision. But I don't think he realizes the burden I feel. I laugh and I'm happy. But when I am reminded of the baby that I see pass by me in a stroller... when I see a child who should be about my child's age... when I see my friends have children who were born at the same time my child was supposed to… all I feel is sadness and the utmost depression. I feel myself spiraling. The more time goes by, the more I think about it. I don't know how I will live with myself – later when I do get pregnant and I think the time is right. I think of what my baby would have been if it would have been here today. He or a she..walking or crawling? I will regret it till the day I die.
Age: 23
Location: USA
Date: August 23, 2010
REGRET, REMORSE; FERTILITY ORGANS SUFFERED BAD HEALTH.
DON'T DO IT!
MENTALLY UNSTABLE AND DEPRESSED; ALWAYS WANDERING "WHAT IF?"
IT IS A BURDEN TO LIVE WITH FOR LIFE; ONE FULL OF SORROW.
SPIRITUALLY DAMAGING AND DEVASTATING.
THE WORST FELT SHAME AND ANGUISH EVER FELT.
HAD ONE IN 2009....WAS SIX WEEKS....GIVEN SHOT OF MEDICINE TO STOP CELL DIVISION.
FELT SO SURE AND THOUGHT IT WAS THE BEST AT THE TIME.
FELT IT WOULD BE OKAY CAUSE IT WAS SO EARLY IN PREGNANCY AND IT WASN'T A REAL BABY YET, JUST TISSUE.
NOT SURE IF IT WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE NOW....ALWAYS WANDER SHOULD I HAVE TRIED TO SURVIVE ANOTHER ADDITION TO THE FAMILY BEING A SINGLE PARENT.
WAS MY CHOICE FAIR TO THE UNBORN CHILD? WHAT DID I ROB MYSELF AND MY OTHER CHILDREN OF BY NOT WELCOMING THIS CHILD INTO THE WORLD?
I WORRY ABOUT MY UNBORN CHILD'S SOUL....WILL IT GO TO HEAVEN? WILL IT KNOW ME? WILL IT FORGIVE ME? WILL IT HAUNT ME? WILL IT HAUNT MY OTHER CHILDREN?
I HAD TO HAVE SURGERY ON MY LEFT TUBE THIS YEAR (2010) DUE TO A TUBAL PREGNANCY (I was going to carry this child full term) AND I WONDER IF GOD
IS PUNISHING ME FOR MY DECISION LAST YEAR (No sin goes unpunished, right?) I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WILL BE ABLE TO PRODUCE ANYMORE. AFTER RESEARCHING CAUSES FOR TUBAL PREGNANCIES, I LEARNED THAT THE DRUG GIVEN DURING ABORTIONS CAN INFLAME THE TUBES, WHICH RESULTS IN TUBAL PREGNANCIES!!!
I PRAY FOR THAT CHILD'S SOUL TO BE AT REST AND ASK IT TO FORGIVE ME BECAUSE I WAS IGNORANT AND MADE A HORRIBLE DECISION AND IF I COULD CHOOSE AGAIN.....
I WOULD NOT HAVE AN ABORTION!!
I hope this prevents someone else from making a horrible decision that will cause them mental, emotional, and spiritual suffering and pain for a long time.
Age: 28
Location: South Carolina
Date: August 2, 2010
About 7 years ago I was dating a guy that I thought I would marry. I ended up getting pregnant. He said that he didn't want children and would leave if I had one. So in order to keep the guy I decided to have an abortion. I remember going in to the clinic trembling. I honestly didn't want to do go through with it but I considered the guy more important (I WAS WRONG). Once in the clinic, the doctors did an ultrasound to see how far along I was. Then they left the room so I could get dressed. I tried so hard not to look at the screen that still had a ultrasound picture on it. I remember thinking that I should just run. But I didn't. I went through with the abortion. I cried all the way home, but part of me was thinking that the guy I was with would now be happy. It didn't work that way. I was so ashamed of what I had done that I didn't tell anyone. The guy didn't care and I had no one to grieve with. I ended up sinking into a depression and was always angry. I would yell at anyone but the guy I was with. I let him walk all over me. He ended up getting into cocaine and he even dealt it for a while... Obviously the guy and I broke up but I did get pregnant right before we broke up. I kept my son. It was because of my son that I came to God. I knew that I didn't have the wisdom to raise my son the right way. I have since married a wonderful and forgiving man who has adopted my first son. We now have another son. But still on a daily basis I think about my Baby that I aborted. I wonder what he or she would have been like and I often cry because of what I did.
Age: 26
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Date: July 9, 2010
When I was 19 I was dating someone who I thought I was very much in love with. We were only together for a few months when I got pregnant. Things soon changed and I realized that he was not the person I thought he was and that I wanted better for my life and the child's life so I decided to terminate the pregnancy. It never really hits you with what you are about to do until you are laying on table waiting for the procedure to take place. I was scared, alone and confused if this was the right decision. Well after it was done I cried for two days and was still miserable for a long time. I became depressed, guilty and couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I have often thought about where I would be now and how old my baby would be.
Age: 22
Location: Atlanta, GA
Date: July 7, 2010
I had [an] abortion 4 months ago... The abortion made me miserable, I knew what I was doing and it was a burden. The casual approach to the treatment on behalf of medical staff didn't help either. We went through a rough time with my partner, arguing about the stupid things, we split up once and again, just couldn't pull it off in a regular way anymore. I couldn't have little kids around me for a while since they made me think about mine... it's been an excruciating 4 months for me.
Age: 25
Location: London, UK
Date: July 1, 2010
I did not go into the procedure lightly. I'm not that sort of woman. I was pro-choice. Or so I thought. I bought into the slogans and propaganda of women's rights that abortion was a simple solution to a problem. I didn't think too long or hard about WHAT I was aborting. I looked at it as simply a backspace button. I had long been a supporter of Planned Parenthood. I had trusted them with all of my "health care". All of my yearly exams were done there. I received birth control from them. When I was pregnant the first time, I remember being really confused by the fact that they didn't offer prenatal care for women choosing to keep their children. I thought, well why don't you..... Now I know why. They aren't about helping or celebrating women or about their rights. They aren't about family or medicine. They are about one thing: ABORTION.
Age: 28
Location: Iowa
Date: May 26, 2010
I was a junior in high school and was totally infatuated with this boy, we finally had our first date and I had thought this was the only way to keep him around. It was my first time and the result of that night was: there was no 2nd date and I was pregnant. I just knew I would be disowned from my family, I lived with my grandparents and they were very traditional and this would have been a disgrace to the family name. So I decided to abort the baby. No one besides a handful of people even knew. I was not saved at the time, did not attend church and didn't understand that the consequences of having an abortion that would follow me for the rest of my life.
Age: 42
Location: USA
Date: May 26, 2010
I was 18 years old and a senior in high school when I got pregnant by my boyfriend. My boyfriend didn't want anything to do with having a baby and he said he couldn't live with giving it up for adoption so he talked me into having an abortion. I justified it to myself by telling myself that I had plans to go to college and I didn't want to embarass my parents who were very involved in our church. I remember thinking during the procedure, "They're killing my baby!" What I realized much later was that I had killed my baby. I had other friends who had gone through the same thing so it was easy to just stuff the feelings of regret inside and go on with life. My boyfriend and I were engaged to be married after I graduated from college but a month before the wedding he broke off the engagement. I was then left feeling like a dirty, used, unlovable woman. He was the only man I had ever been with. I then went from relationship to relationship until I met a man that I thought I loved and who I thought loved me. We were married and when we tried to start a family I was unable to carry a child past the first trimester. I knew that it was because of the abortion. I changed doctors and he tried some medications and I was finally able to give birth to a beautiful baby boy. Before his first birthday my husband found someone else and left us. Again, I went from relationship to relationship. I finally decided that I needed to get back into church. I was beginning to deal with some of the hurt and past regrets when I was again pregnant with no husband. This time I decided that I would do the right thing and have my baby. I had a difficult pregnancy but with medication was able to carry my beautiful baby girl to term. This time through much prayer I decided to accept the marriage proposal of our daughter's father and we were married. After several years I gave my life to Jesus and became a new person. I knew that God forgave me and I was able to forgive myself for the huge mistake of having an abortion (and having premarital sex). My husband has been a wonderful father to our precious daughter and our wonderful son. I hope that my story will encourage anyone who is considering having an abortion to NOT do it. It is still the biggest regret of my life. But God is good. He has blessed me with four more children since the birth of my daughter. I know He is loving my aborted child in heaven and I can't wait for the day to meet him or her and say, "I'm sorry".
Age: 47
Location: Dayton, OH
Date: May 26, 2010
I had 3 abortions done in the past. Never got over it. I was being foolish and selfish. All I thought about was me, me, me and never took a second to think about my unborn children. I now have a 3 year old daughter and I'm pregnant. I was going to have an abortion done with this last pregnancy, until the Lord Jesus Christ rescued me... He sent a man on the day I had the appointment with the abortion clinic and he talked to me about Jesus Christ and how life starts in the womb. That's when I opened my eyes and realized what I was about to do. I cried so much that day because I was going to get rid of my unborn child... I would like to let every women know, who had abortions in the past, that there's a mighty God who's willing to forgive.
Age: 26
Location: Garfield, NJ
Date: February 15, 2010
I am 53 years old. When I was 24, I was in college, starting my life/career when I found out I was pregnant... I figured abortion was the only solution. I was wrong. I am emotionally tormented by the decision I made. I pray that God and my baby would forgive me.
Age: 53
Date: January 19, 2009
My abortion was in haste at four weeks to cover my sins. I didn't want the shame of family, co-workers and friends finding out. You see, I am supposed to be Christian. I was more concerned about reputation and finances than the life of my own child. The father already has two known children and didn't want me nor the baby. I have really hit bottom. Please ladies, don't do it!
Date: April 5, 2008
When I was 19, I had an abortion. I am now 30 and this is the first time that [I've seen what abortion does]!!! It all started nice; my boy friend was my life. I put him first in my life instead of God. At first, we were very happy about [the pregnancy]... I was in shock but I wanted this baby... The next day he told his parents and was never the same again... he started to hit me in the stomach and was very angry all the time; he was telling me that "we're going to get married and then have our children". He was calling me every moment of the day to make sure I would not change my mind (about having the abortion)! I did not but still didn't want to go through with this. We went to the local teen counselors and they did nothing but encourage me to go through with it!! I still remember the day that I had to go into the office and always will. I was waiting; I just wanted to run, but [my boyfriend] was in the office's waiting room; I felt all alone and scared!!! I remember the doctor putting what looked like a cinnamon stick inside me. That's what started the whole thing!! The next morning I had to go to the doctor. It was only a day surgery and my boyfriend came and picked me up. I was a mess, I felt as if someone had robbed me, stole from me and took away a part of my body!! I felt broken down, bested and disgusted!!! I went into depression for about 5 years...You have to understand, I was christian since the age of 9, and I love kids. I was the kind of girl that did not believe in this!!!! Where was my support?? Where was my church?? Where was the help I needed???
Age: 30
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: November 16, 2007
I am 16 years old and i had an abortion last month. I felt and still feel horrible. I am sorry to my lost child, and I will NEVER be the same again.
Age: 16
Location: Vero Beach, FL
Date: November 1, 2007
I wish [Abort73 was around] back in 1980 when everyone kept pushing me toward a decision I really didn't want to make, and still regret to this day. What makes things even harder is the fact that right AFTER everything was done, was the fact that I discovered my sister was pregnant and due within a few days of me! So, I now have a nephew to remind me constantly of the poor decision at that time.
Date: August 30, 2007
The inside of this clinic was cold and uninviting. Nurses were rushing about. Young men had long sad faces, full of worry and guilt. There were parents fitfully pacing the floors, waiting, suffering in silence. It was a place where new life walked in and was then tricked into death. I was forced to see a counselor before my “procedure” and I poured out my fears, hopes and dreams for keeping this baby and giving her life, but she has heard this sob story a million times and some where in her heart, it all became just words, not real people. She politely nodded her head and then sent me on my way. That walk down the lonely hallway was cold, bare and uncaring, I could almost hear the faint cries of newborns bouncing off the walls pleading for a different way! As I was placed on that hard cold metal table, the doctor who has made a life out of taking it, seems tired and irritable, rushing to get this little problem out of the way. He is very matter of fact, not really looking at me, but rather through me. He hurriedly explains what he is doing as he has a thousand times before, “ a little cold, some cramping, over in a minute”. Just like that.....over...done...gone...no more.
Age: 47
Location: La Porte, IN
Date: July 30, 2007
When I was 17 I got pregnant, I had really no idea what an abortion detailed. My family told me it would "get rid of the problem", so I thought I better do it. Sadly, I had an abortion and it was really painful. It was awful, I remember being rushed in under security and rushed out through a back door in case protesters got me. I was scared to death, I honestly had no idea what it was all about but everyone kept telling me I was fixing the problem. Now, five kids later I wonder about that baby and what would of been...
Age: 28
Location: Kansas City, KS
Date: July 9, 2007
When I was younger, I remember hearing about abortion and thinking to myself "There's no way in the world I would ever do that. That's wrong. How could someone stand to do that?" Then everything changed. I was 17 when I found out. An at-home pregnancy test confirmed my fears. I told the father and we began to talk about what to do. I began researching abortion online a few days after taking the pregnancy test. I found out in my state you have to have parental consent or what they call a "judicial bypass." I did not want to have to go through the process of obtaining a judicial bypass because I didn't really understand what it meant. I couldn't find that much information on the process. The hardest thing I've ever gone through, besides the abortion and it's after-effects, was telling my mother. We talked about keeping it and abortion. I explained the process to her. I knew all along that I didn't want to do it but I felt I had to. I knew I would love the child like it ought to be loved but felt no one else would. My head decided in favor of the abortion, not my heart. My mother did not agree with my having an abortion and didn't want to sign for me. She would have but I didn't want to make her so I went through the process of getting a judicial bypass. I did that one morning and had my abortion that afternoon. I've read some of the other testimonies on here about how cold and clinical some of the other doctors were but everyone I came in contact with was helpful and nice. I think that's what put me in denial. If everyone was so nice and understanding, how bad could it be? The abortion itself as a procedure was not bad. The recovery room wasn't bad either but the ride home was the worst I have ever felt, physically. I got home and layed down because I was extremely nauseus and my mother came into my room and her eyes filled with tears. I remember telling her not to cry because then I would cry. The next month or so I carried myself like I was happy and completely not affected by the experience. I had the prom to plan for, I just wanted to be a teenager. Now, coming up on a year later, I think about it at least once every single day. You never really notice how many pregnant women there are or how many moms with strollers until after this experience. I am constantly reminded of my abortion and it pangs me deeply. I am still with the father and we talk about it occasionally. Before my due date passed, I asked him if he ever thought about it and he said at the time he wondered how big I would be and things like that. When I'm over-whelmed with the sight of mothers and their babies, he can sense my pain. I think about when I do have children and if I have a daughter, I do plan to tell her when it is appropriate. I want her to know she can come to me if she becomes pregnant and that I will support her and help her in any way. But I don't want her to feel the way I do, I don't want her to have an abortion. I told my mother, my boyfriend, and myself that I wouldn't regret it. But I do. Every second of every day.
Date: January 29, 2007
I have only read a few of your testimonies, but that's all I have to read. Like a majority of the women, I was young and dumb. 15 to be exact, I didn't know who the father was, I had plans of going to college, and coming from a very traditional family, "how was I going to have a child?"... It hurts so bad, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my child. I was a foolish woman and I pray to God, and my little angel everyday to forgive me for what I did. There is a hole in my heart, an emptiness that may never be filled, even if I were to have other children. I am 20 now and still have that very vivid memory. I was just so stupid, had I known, had I just one clue as to how the procedure was actually done or had been better informed, my child would be five years old now, in kindergarten. Your site opened my eyes wide, and I hope to be a part of what youtstand for. Because NOBODY has right to say who and who doesn't get totlive...
Age: 20
Date: January 20, 2007
If only I had watched the video before I went through with my abortion, I would never had done it. I was always against abortion but when I found out that I was pregnant, I figured that I had no other choice. The people I spoke to assured me that an abortion was the right decision and I foolishly listened to them. I should have known that the right decision was to keep my baby. It has been almost a week since the abortion and I cry everyday. I am overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. Any girl or woman reading this should know that abortion is NOT the right choice. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I pray that God forgives me. The abortion will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Date: January 15, 2007
I had an abortion five years ago and it was the worst experience I have ever felt. I knew the truth and knew exactly what I was doing. I did it because I was afraid of what everyone would think of me at the time because I was pregnant and not married and the fact I was a Christian. I only used abortion as "a way out." After going through that, I don't understand how woman can have multiple abortions and not have a second thought about it. My experience was horrible and I felt darkness all around me when I was going through it. This is something I would never consider again. I am ashamed of what I did...
Age: 26
Date: January 6, 2007
I am now 36 years young and I had an abortion when I was 19. I highly recommend it to no one!! My life has not been the same every since, to say the least. Nothing about it makes me feel that I made the right choice. My life went to gloom and doom... Today I have asked for Gods' forgiveness but, how long it takes to forgive myself.
Age: 36
Date: December 29, 2006
My boyfriend got me pregnant, and I didnt know. He left me. He abused me, we argued all the time. I got knocked out and started to bleed some, the baby was in my tubes any way, and I had to get rid of it. He acts like he's happy and doesn't care. Now that the child is gone, he wont even talk to me b/c he feels that he is off the hook. And I feel so bad I want to die.
Age: 20
Date: December 25, 2006
I used to be a "N.O.W." woman. Then I saw what my 4 children looked like in the womb.... before I killed them. My first abortion was when I was barely 16 years old, 1985, seems like so many years ago. I thought I was only 10 weeks pregnant, I went to an abortion clinic (Planned Parenthood) in Ocala, Florida. They told me it was just a "blob"... "hasn't even formed yet", they said. Well, turns out that I was about 16 weeks along and all of the nurses came running in when the doctor said "Oh my god". They said it was "all right".... "just a little more complicated than expected"... draped me with a sheet so that I couldn't see and went to work. If only I could have seen past that sheet.... I would have never had another abortion again...
Age: 37
Date: December 24, 2006
When I was in high school, [I had an abortion]. Since then, I have spent every day of my life with regret, anger, sadness, and hurt. There is something missing in my life that will never be replaced. Seven years later, I am a mother of a 6 year old, 6 month old, and I am currently 5 months pregnant. I am happy with my family, but like I said, there is an empty hole that was supposed to be filled. I beg God for forgiveness. I just wanted to let you know, that your page touched my heart. I have never cried this hard in a long time. It opened my eyes...
Date: December 16, 2006
I had an abortion an the age of 14. I thought it was the only way out. It's been five months, now, and I still haven't gotten over the pain it caused me. I still wonder if God has forgiven me for the sin I have done.
Age: 15
Date: December 12, 2006
It's been 6 months (since my abortion), and it still hurts me inside and I cry myself to sleep every night. My baby would have been a girl and she would have been born on May 27th, 2007, and her name would have been angelica....but now today it is too late to go back.
Age: 16
Date: December 9, 2006
I'm a student in high school. I had an abortion before. Now, I want [abortion] to end because it's really painful. You don't know what you're doing, you just want the pain to go away and you think if you get an abortion no one will know. You are only killing something that's so precious inside of you. You only think to ask god to help relieve the pain and go and cry yourself to sleep.
Age: 18
Date: December 4, 2006
I was 15 years old when I became pregnant by a 23 year old man. When I told him I was pregnant, he told me I had to have an abortion. At the time, I felt so alone and helpless that I agreed to the abortion. I think that I was at 22 weeks of gestation at the time of the abortion. After the abortion was performed, I was told there were twins. Since then, I have felt an enormous guilt. I didn't know how abortions were performed. I used to think that babies didn't feel anything until they were born. At the time, I didn't know the terrible mistake that I was making and that it was going to haunt me forever. I feel so sorry for what I did. If I had known how abortion is done, I never would have agreed to it. Now I have two children, but both of them were premature babies... I could not have a normal pregnancy due to the abortion I had 13 years ago. It is hard to know that I had an abortion. I feel like a monster. How could I have caused such horrible deaths to my other children? I just hope that God forgives me for my horrible sin.
Date: November 13, 2006
I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared and decided that I could never have this baby. I started thinking about me. What will people think, what will my friends think? All this became a burden. I thought abortion was the only choice. My boyfriend at the time did not agree with my choice but we both were in no position to care for a baby. I went to the clinic and had the procedure. When I woke up from the procedure, tears were in my eyes. I felt ashamed, guilty, and dirty. I thought I would be fine afterwards, if only I knew that nothing would be fine. Years have passed and still that day is so clear in my mind. There isn't a day that go by that I don't regret my abortion. There would be times when I would just cry for hours. I became depressed and suicidal. When my mother found out, she was disappointed. We have never been able to look at each other the same. I'm still hiding, hiding in my lie and shame. I have not recovered and I don't think that I will. Abortion is never a solution!!
Date: November 5, 2006
** NOTE: THIS IS THE FIRST TESTIMONY THAT ABORT73 HAS EVER RECEIVED FROM A WOMAN "CELEBRATING" HER ABORTION. BECAUSE OF THE ACCUSATIONS SHE MAKES, WE ARE COMPELLED TO INCLUDE IT. THE TONE OF HER REMARKS LEAD US TO BELIEVE THAT SHE MAY NOT BE QUITE AS AT PEACE WITH HER ABORTION AS SHE CLAIMS TO BE.
I had an abortion a few years back and I have NEVER regretted it. You throw religion into your argument, well, GOD DOES NOT EXIST. EDUCATE YOURSELF! This entire website must be run by narrow minded, bigoted Republicans. Women will get abortions, legal or not. KEEP YOUR LAWS AND YOUR RELIGION OFF MY BODY. Deciding to have an abortion is NOT a "Choice Facade". Intelligent young women who, holy crap, can think on their own, without BLINDLY following "god" or other fake deities, do not come to this decision easily. But when it is made, it's done. After my abortion, when I was in the "recovery room" with about a dozen other girls, the topic of regret came up and NOT ONE of them said they regretted what had just happened. You can preach all you want, but you are just singing to yourselves. Also, I absolutely love how on your "Testimony" page, YOU ONLY HAVE POSTS FROM FEMALES WHO REGRET THEIR DECISION. This website is completely geared towards forcing women to keep their UNWANTED pregnancies. I did not find one "I'm glad I did it" post. This website isn't informative, it is PROPAGANDA. If there is a god, he hates you.
Date: November 1, 2006
I had my abortion when I was 18, and my story is the same as alot of women here, except that I didn't see anyone mention "The Silent Scream". It is an ultrasound movie done during the abortion. It also fully explains the abortion process. Had I seen this movie first, I never would have had an abortion, I would have lost my 18 year old figure and found some way to deal with it. I'm pregnant again, at 5 months, and shudder to think of my "fetus" going through that. Sure it will come back to haunt you one way or another, but once you know how its done, and see it demonstrated on a plastic fetus, then see the ultra sound and the fetus struggling to escape the "instruments", [you'll never consider abortion again].
Date: October 31, 2006
I was someone who fell thru the cracks when I was 20 years old. It has been 15 years since then and I am still trying to heal. I was coerced by family to have an abortion. I was young and had no clue what I really was getting myself into. I just knew I couldn't fight anymore. I tried so hard to keep the baby... but lost. Everywhere I went, everyone kept telling me about abortion and not ONE person ever reached out and told me what abortion was or that they would show me HOW to keep my child or give it up for adoption. I suffered for 13 years until I finally reached out for help. I drank constantly to stuff my emotions and pain back down. I numbed myself with drugs. I couldn't envision that day ever again.. it was too painful. It wasn't until I joined a post-abortion group and a pro-life group that I truly began to slowly heal. I named the baby and basically had to go thru the grieving process, like I had actually lost a child that was born to me. I have forgiven myself, by the grace of God... He has given me my strength. I have helped many girls so far deal with their issues and actually saved one girl from having [an abortion]... she now has a beautiful baby boy and has thanked me over and over again for befriending her when no one else would talk to her.
Date: September 27, 2006
I became pregnant at 15 and decided to keep my baby. She is now married with 3 beautiful children of her own. I had another baby at 18, and he now is married with a baby on the way. In my early and mid twenties, I regretably had 3 abortions, one of which was a late term abortion. I've just in the last week found out how it was performed and it makes my heart literally hurt. I didn't know the facts about what I was doing or the depression it would cause. I was a selfish, stupid person. I was in denial and didn't want to face what I had done. When I was 30 years old, I became pregnant again. I was in an abusive relationship and was being told to have an abortion. I made the appointment and hated every waking moment up to that day. I just wanted to die knowing what I was about to do again. That morning I woke up and said NO!!! I refused to go through with it. My daughter, born 8 months later is so beautiful. She makes me smile everyday. She sings for the Lord. She has impacted so many lives. It has never been easy. I've had many years of nightmares and suffer from depression. I know God has forgiven me for what I've done. I just hope and pray I will be able to forgive myself. Thank you for this site and the realization of the horrific practice of legalized murder in our world.
Date: September 20, 2006
I had just turned 17 when I found out I was pregnant. Being young and very scared, I told my mom. She didn't really give me a choice; I remember her saying "I just don't know how you're going to be able to keep it." When I went to the clinic to confirm it, the nurse talked about both abortion and adoption. But my mom never supported adoption, only just getting it over and done with. I had 4 days to "make a decision". I don't feel like it was my decision to make; I was coerced into it. When I went to the clinic to have the procedure done, I was very scared and didn't want to do it. I remember not wanting to sign the paper authorizing it. The nurse asked my mom to leave the room and then she asked me if I was being forced to do it. I told her that I just didn't know but I was so scared. I was 11 wks., almost 12. The first day they placed the laminarias and I went home. I remember that night holding my stomach and sobbing, knowing that it wasn't right. I have never felt so trapped in my life. The next day we went back (my mom and I). I remember being so upset that I didn't want to go in the room. They were all telling me that I had to; I had signed the paper and I couldn't back out. My mom and I went for a short walk so I could calm down. She talked me back into it again. I cried during the whole procedure. The Dr. said to me afterwards '"why are you crying?" and was nasty towards me... "you're the one that got yourself into this mess, I'm just getting you out of it." It is almost 10 yrs. later and I still am riddled with guilt. I feel like I killed my baby. I have 2 kids now and I still greive for my first child. Never again would do I it.
Date: September 13, 2006
At the age of 18.... I became pregnant. I did not find out until I was 10 weeks. I was pregnant by a boy that beat me, cheated on me daily. He respected no woman and I did not want my child to grow up in a home or around anyone like that, so I felt [abortion] was best. It ended at 11.5 weeks. To this day I suffer from depression, partially caused by what I did. I remember everything, down to the taste in my mouth when I was being put to sleep. I feel selfish and cruel. Now having 2 children, I look at myself as a killer and I have no right to live. I feel my kids are going to be hurt as a punishment. Before [abortion] is done, I believe women should go through counseling... the part that hurts me the most, is that I said sorry, and wanted to say, "stop this", and "I do not want to do this". The next thing I knew I woke up in a room with other women, feeling like I should die.
Date: September 9, 2006
Like so many others who have shared their stories, I had an abortion, felt trapped, regretted it from day one, and have found it hard to forgive myself. When I first worried about being pregnant at 16, my boyfriend said not to worry, he'd take on however many jobs he needed to, to take care of me and the baby. We bought a pregnancy test together, and while we waited for the results, he held me and reassured me that he'd be there. As soon as I walked into the bathroom and saw the pink line showing I was pregnant, I screamed. I literally, audibly screamed. And the first thing my boyfriend said was "I'll go call and find out about an abortion." I felt so betrayed, and I knew it was wrong, but I didn't stop it... The procedure was horrible and uncomfortable and unpleasant. When I went to get up, I fainted. The nurses (or assistants or whatever) made fun of me for being weak.... I had a not-so-close friend who asked me all about it, and she was the only one I told... she had told me she thought she would have one if she became pregnant... I can't believe it, but I actually told her it wasn't that bad! I told her that it was uncomfortable and I was upset about it, but I was really glad not to have a baby. To this day, I feel responsible not only for the death of my baby, but also for any she might have had... I lied to my family, my friends, and most of all, to myself. I told myself God wouldn't want a baby to be born to me, at that stage in life. God wouldn't want a baby to be poor, unwanted, undernourished; wouldn't want me to be disowned, exposed, hated; wouldn't want me to skip college, or have all my "God-given" potential to go to waste. I thought my intelligence would go to waste if I had a baby - I didn't even think that raising a baby is a great way to give back to the world. I lied to myself. I justified it, even though there is no justification for it...
Date: September 5, 2006
I was forced by my mother to have an abortion at the age of fifteen. I was told I would have no place to go. The abortion was a two day procedure and it was painful. It has been 13 years... I would never as long as I live have an abortion again. I wish resources like this one would have been available to me and I could have found an outreach center. Thank you for this web site and I will pass on the information.
Age: 28
Date: August 24, 2006
As a well educated woman, I am shocked that I was never really aware of all the facts regarding abortion. I believed the American lie, just get rid of it, never understanding that it truly was a life. I lament now because I encouraged my younger sister while she was attending law school to have an abortion. My words exactly, "either you kill it or it will kill you". Well, she graduated from law school in 1992 and has never really been able to practice. For years we all thought she was nuts! My poor sister has been a cripple since she decided to terminate her pregnancy and lose her child to death. She is now in AA, holding down a very low functioning job, living in a slum and has been completely lost since her third year in law school. I not only lost a niece or nephew, I lost my sister too. Abortion not only kills children, it destroys women too! The big lie that this will give women freedom, don't believe it... Not a day goes by where I don't wish I could take back my words of advice to my younger sister, I pray for forgiveness. But now, I need to help educate the next generation of women and young men, abortion is not a solution! It kills children and women alike.
Age: 46
Date: August 16, 2006
I got pregnant and I was always very pro choice. I always stated I would never have an abortion but that was "their choice". They being the woman. I told my grandparents who I live with, and my mother. My boyfriend also told his family. We stated that we had already decided to keep our child. "Every child a wanted child"...The way I feel is "every abortion a wanted abortion". I was taken to a different town... I was afraid for me and my baby and I knew no one. I had no way to keep this baby... So I had an abortion. I figured after it was all over I would be "relieved". Well I wasn't. That was over nine months ago and I was terribly depressed and still am... I just know that if abortion was highly restricted or illegal this would never, ever happen to another girl. I support your cause.
Age: 15
Date: August 8, 2006
I had an abortion 20 years ago and it was the worst thing that happened to me! I am only just now starting to speak up!
Age: 37
Date: July 21, 2006
I had an abortion about three months ago. Although I am a married woman, I did not feel ready to start a family. My husband and I felt emotionally and financially unprepared to have a child. This was our justification for the murder of what should have been our first born. Obtaining the means for the abortion was amazingly easy. I went to the clinic, was given ru-486 (the abortion pill) and killed my child in the privacy of my own home. It was the biggest mistake of my life. After wards I felt so empty and sad. I thought I would feel relieved, instead I am plagued daily by feelings of guilt and thoughts of what might have been. Every time I see a baby I wonder what mine would have looked like, and what kind of beautiful child my husband and I could have raised together.
Age: 23
Date: July 8, 2006
I chose abortion as a result of rape/incest. It has been 24 years and I have struggled every day. I now work in a crisis pregnancy center and help host a 3-day post-abortive retreat each fall. The results of the choices these women made are very evident in their daily lives and quite heartbreaking. I wish my voice was louder, my presence was more well known. But even though I am only one woman my voice counts. Thank you for what you are doing.
Age: 49
Date: May 5, 2006
It was about six years ago when I learned that I was pregnant with my fourth baby. I was in my early 20s and on birth control pills. This pregnancy was not like the others. I was only a few weeks along and every day I felt as though death had come over me. I literally threw up everything I ate and drank, including plain water. I could not do anything or go anywhere because I was always sick and miserable. On top of that I was scared...afraid for my life. My previous doctor and others had told me that I should not get pregnant because I had already had three c-sections and there was a chance that my uterus would rupture. I decided to do something that would change my life. I decided to have an abortion... I still think about that baby and at times I still cry. People said I would forget and get over it. It has been years and I still haven’t. I don’t believe I ever will... I feel like if I would have been counseled properly and did the search on the internet first, I would not have had that abortion. I would have probably tried to endure the pregnancy. All of the information and the facts that could have been given to me to help me make a better decision were not given to me by the people who were supposed to counsel me. They did not care about me. They only cared about the money I brought into the clinic.
Age: 27
Date: April 29, 2006
I am a thirty four year old mother of four who has spent the last 17 years of my life dealing with the pain and loss of two children I
"chose" to abort as a scared, desperate teenager. It took me a few years to be truthful with myself and God about the abortions, at first I insisted to myself that it was the only choice I could have made and that I would have done the same thing again if faced with the choice. Following depression, suicidal thoughts, and a complete feeling of despair, God scooped me up at my first cry of his name. He forgave me, and made me his own. I, however, have had to deal with the indescribable pain and regret of my choices every single day and night. Some nights I wake up and find myself thinking of the exact moment I allowed the abortion to proceed. I find myself screaming silently "NO!", with the most intense desire to go back and change those moments that you can imagine. But no sound comes out of my mouth. My sweet, wonderful husband sleeps in peace along with my four beautiful gifts from God sleeping in their bedrooms - unaware that I feel like my guts have been torn out.
I guess I'd just like to say that I wish so very much that I had been plugged into something like this website the day I headed to that clinic...
Age: 34
Date: March 26, 2006
I was in a relationship and my girlfriend, found out she was gonna have a baby. At first I was very scared but I soon got over it. For a few weeks all was well. Then one day she changed her mind and my heart was broken. I prayed and begged her to change her mind, but I couldn't. Why is it that it takes a man and a woman to make a baby but only one of them has a choice? Take it from a guy who would have done anything to hold his baby just one time....... Well, my girlfriend and I broke up soon after, but not a day goes by that I don't think of my baby girl smiling at me, about to learn how to walk. I am haunted by the image of my baby sleeping on my chest as I hold her and make sure nothing bad happens to her.... she even had a name... I don't blame the mother, in fact, I'm not even mad at her, but I really wish she didn't have a "choice", cause then instead of writing this, I would be poor, really tired, and working 3 jobs, but when I open my front door at the end of the day, I would get to see a gift from haven. Those eyes looking at me and those arms reaching for me.... A baby is like anything else...... "IT'S WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT".
Age: 24
Date: March 6, 2006
I had an abortion on June 13, 1997. I had always believed that I was pro-life until the day I was faced with the decision myself. I grew up in a very strict religious family and was truly afraid that telling my parents that I was pregnant would get me disowned. I was in a daze that day, and for months to come. But when the smoke cleared, (so to speak) I found myself in a deep depression and wanting nothing more than to replace the life of my child with another baby. I thought it would take away the pain. Well, it didn't! It made me realize how precious life is and made me regret the decision even more. I killed my baby! I was the protection between the world and my baby, and I let someone come in and tear my baby into tiny pieces. I'm sure my baby cried out in pain as it started being chopped into bits and suctioned out. Nobody heard her though, she was too small to be heard...I was supposed to be her voice, but I said nothing. After the procedure, I got sick because I was thinking about what I had just done. It's now almost 9 years later, and I still cry about it. Children rely on their mothers to protect them for the first 9 months, and I didn't protect her. I let them come in and hurt my little girl.
Age: 27
Date: January 24, 2006
On Monday July 4, 2005 I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant. When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant the first thing he told me was to find out how much an abortion was going to cost. Two days later I made the appointment. When I went to his house I told him that I didn't want to have an abortion. He told me how he already had a child and it was far for him to take care of him and that he wouldn't want to be away from our baby just in case he had to move back to his home state. I agreed with him but told him that he could sign away his rights and not have to worry about our baby. I also told him that I was worried about the emotional effects. He told me I was just being crazy about the whole thing and was even offended that I ask him to give up his rights. I went ahead with the abortion on July 19 at 2:25 pm. The abortion didn't hurt, but I cried trough the whole thing; I haven't stopped crying yet. My boyfriend and I have broken up and he only moved one hour away from me. It's been almost 6 months and my heart is still hurting. I went to get help for the pain and it's been easier but hasn't gone away. Now three of my friends are pregnant and it's hard for me to talk to them without longing for the baby I lost.
Age: 22
Date: December 18, 2005
...[Abortion] hurt my heart so bad. My heart and my body and my spirit were broken in a matter of minutes. I regret what I did so much. I have not smiled truthfully since then. I cry at night. I wake up and swear that I'm bleeding to death. I had a dream last night that my husband woke me up from, he touched me because he said I was writhing and twitching and saying "no, no, no, no," and when he touched me, I jumped up screaming as loudly as I could. In my dream, I was pregnant and someone was in our house, and they came and cut into my stomach with a knife while we were asleep...Girls, women... PLEASE, just think a little harder before you lay down on the bed in that examination room... The way I feel right now is not something that I would EVER wish on someone, and I only hope that you can find it in your hearts to make the choice to NOT feel this way, to NOT end a life, a life that could be so beautiful, like my child's should have been. My child's tiny hands that I will never get to touch. But instead, maybe my story can be my way of reaching out to touch your hands. That will have to be enough to get me by for now...
Age: 21
Date: November 22, 2005
I had an abortion 2 years ago, on a November 14. I clearly remember every bit of it as though it was yesterday. The extreme guilt and feeling of despair is like no other I have felt...I was 18 at the time in which I got pregnant and I as well as my boyfriend agreed that it was the best "choice". Well, it was not. It was the worst decision I could have ever made. Since the abortion, I was on the verge of becoming an alcoholic, I drank myself to sleep every night for several months. I tried to kill myself twice, with no luck. My existence seemed unfair and meaningless after I allowed my child's life to be taken before my very eyes. The worst part of it all was that I consciously sat there through the whole thing, being paralized, with pain and fear, not being able to protect my child's life. I allowed it to happen, and that is what has been a constant torture ever since that day.
Age: 20
Date: November 17, 2005
Pictures are one thing, but the feeling of emptiness is terrifying! I had an abortion 1 week ago today! It is killing me inside! I was kind of pushed into it! I thought I'd be OK but I wasn't! I am now devastated! I always said I'd never have an abortion, but then I fell pregnant and I was scared! I'm 19 and my boyfriends 18, neither of us are financially secure so it would have been hard! But nothings going to be harder than getting over this! I have killed my child! and it is driving me insane!
Age: 19
Date: August 16, 2005
I have had an abortion. It was the worse thing I have ever done in my life. The abortion clinics made sure that their TV that shows a video conveniently didn't work. So I never saw the video that I was suppose to see. NOW...........after 3 years, I have bad dreams, depression, and always thinking about the child I killed for my own convince of just wanting to be single and not have to worry about working two jobs. Abortion is an easy way out..............but you live with murder on your brain every day of your life. Don't do it women...............you will never forget. Thanks for this site! You have changed my life. I am now producing the truth about abortion being linked to breast cancer (They never tell you this when you get an abortion).
Age: 33
Date: August 6, 2005
On March 26, 1998 I had an abortion. I was in nursing school at the time and my husband and I were struggling financially. We had two boys already, and I was getting my nursing degree because I wanted to provide a better life for all of us... [At the clinic, my husband and I] were both counseled together. The counselor could see I was crying and upset, but all she said was, "You can have a baby when the time is right". I told her I would not be able to live with myself, and that didn't even register with her... [In the procedure room, I asked the nurse], "How can you do this everyday?", she said, "Because I'm helping women.", I said, "This isn't helping me." Then the practitioner of death walked in. He had a mask on, and I could only see his eyes... I was so upset. He started, and it was so painful and violent. I hyperventilated; the nurse said, "You're breathing like your in labor, hold your breath and then release on the count of five". So, I did. It was then over. I felt like I had been mechanically raped. The abortionist left the room.... [Soon afterwards] I began to drink, I became depressed and cheated on my husband. I began to blame him. I thought if he had been "more of a man", he wouldn't have let me go through an abortion. Well, three years of this went on and I laid in bed. I couldn't work, I was completely dysfunctional.
Date: August 1, 2005
I had an abortion 1 month ago. I will never forget that day, the worst day of the rest of my life. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking of my baby. There is nothing worse than the feeling that you killed your own child. I'm depressed everyday of my life and I'm on medicine for it. I have tried to kill myself. I have so much hate in my life, I don't even respect myself anymore. If you are reading this and thinking about an abortion please don't do it, your life will never be the same. I have the rest of my life to think about killing my own child and what I'm going to say to my child if I make it to heaven. Please rethink it, don't do it.
Age: 22
Date: July 23, 2005
Two years ago, I had an abortion. I made so many excuses as to why my abortion was "acceptable". I was eight weeks along when I terminated my child, after viewing your pictures,and video, I am all that more convinced now that I committed murder. I'm thankful that I now am "washed in the blood" of Jesus Christ, and that his mercy endures forever, but not a day goes by that I don't think about what my child, God's child, would have looked like, and the fact that I destroyed a spirit, that would have had a purpose on earth.
Age: 33
Date: July 14, 2005
When I was 18 and 19 I had abortions. Two abortions. I grew up in a home where I knew it was wrong. I was so consumed with covering up my sins that I had abortions. I have often prayed to the Lord for forgiveness. I know he has forgiven me, however you never forgive yourself. It is impossible to look into my 9 year old's eyes and realize that I should have two more that look just like her. I don't have flash backs of the procedure, that was all so quick and made to seem normal and zippity doo dah. My sorrow now at 35 is much more complicated than it was at 18. I am pro life now because I do not want young girls thinking it is ok to just dispose of an unborn child. It is sad to know that we allow our young people to have abortions without parental consent. Even then it is wrong but 18 year olds certainly are not equipped to make a decision for their 35 year old self.
Age: 35
Date: July 11, 2005
I had an abortion when I was 16 years old without my parents knowing about it. I never got over it, the grief I felt through my life was unbearable, I had five more children to try and fill the void I was feeling, but it still didn't go away. If I didn't have an abortion my child would be 16yrs old this year, and even though I have 5 beautiful children I think about her every single day, I think about what she would have looked like, I cry for her... If I had seen this then I would have never had an abortion. I was never offered any counseling just given a date and told to turn up. In New Zealand where I live we just have to see our school counselor and they arrange it and they don't have to inform our parents, I was 16 for goodness sake. I had pressure from my boyfriend to get an abortion and he paid for it (think about it he paid someone to murder our child). My parents dropped me at school, I bused into town where I met my boyfriend, he drove me to the clinic, and then I had the abortion all whilst I was in my school uniform, went home and pretended that nothing ever happened!!! At the time I must of suffered some sort of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, I was just numb so numb..Looking at this website has in some way helped me to grieve my loss. My faith also helps me knowing that God has forgiven me and the fact that I will see my child in heaven keeps me going, although it has taken as long time and a lot of work on myself to get to this point. I held on to such guilt for so long. I am grateful that I can also use this website as a resource to inform other young ladies when they are contemplating abortion. Although the pictures are hard to take this is a very sad reality....
Age: 32
Date: January 25, 2005