I agree with many thoughts and feelings expressed by the lady from South Carolina (August 2). Knowing what I know now... if you really do want children at some point in your life, never have an abortion. Even if it means going it alone. I never had the self belief that I could be a good single mum which I now know I could be. It's been ten years and the pain comes and goes, but it's still there all the same. The emptiness is still there. I thought I had plenty of time to find someone who wanted to settle down and have kids but it hasn't quite worked out that way. I just hope it's not too late. I also want to say that fear itself or fear of what others might think or a decision based on fear should be ignored. It stops you from making an informed decision, I now know that as the UK has a good welfare system as well as other support networks, I could have coped at least till I could work again. I now know that my family, even though mostly far away would have supported me. The fact is no high flying career achieved or striving for material things can make up for that loss and the emotional, mental, spiritual price you pay. After 10 years I never thought I would be saying this, but I truly regret my decision.

Age: 34
Location: UK
Date: August 28, 2010

I had been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I had always been careful but then for about 2 months I was having stomach problems – didn't feel well, but in my heart I knew. I was pregnant – I remember the moment my boyfriend checked the pregnancy test. I was so depressed – upset that at this age before I graduated from school that this could happen to me – that after all my careful planning of my life I could be pregnant. My boyfriend kept saying that we would have another chance – that this was not the right time. We're still together now but its different. We fight so often – for reasons I don't even understand. I shouldn't be upset with him – but I always feel that it is his fault. I thought too that maybe we couldn't have a baby. That I was too young. But I wanted this child.. I wanted it even if the time wasn't right. But my boyfriend was so convinced that the time wasn't right – that we would have time in the future that I listened. We are still together. And he tells me at some times that he thinks about our decision. But I don't think he realizes the burden I feel. I laugh and I'm happy. But when I am reminded of the baby that I see pass by me in a stroller... when I see a child who should be about my child's age... when I see my friends have children who were born at the same time my child was supposed to… all I feel is sadness and the utmost depression. I feel myself spiraling. The more time goes by, the more I think about it. I don't know how I will live with myself – later when I do get pregnant and I think the time is right. I think of what my baby would have been if it would have been here today. He or a she..walking or crawling? I will regret it till the day I die.

Age: 23
Location: USA
Date: August 23, 2010

REGRET, REMORSE; FERTILITY ORGANS SUFFERED BAD HEALTH.
DON'T DO IT!
MENTALLY UNSTABLE AND DEPRESSED; ALWAYS WANDERING "WHAT IF?"
IT IS A BURDEN TO LIVE WITH FOR LIFE; ONE FULL OF SORROW.
SPIRITUALLY DAMAGING AND DEVASTATING.
THE WORST FELT SHAME AND ANGUISH EVER FELT.
HAD ONE IN 2009....WAS SIX WEEKS....GIVEN SHOT OF MEDICINE TO STOP CELL DIVISION.
FELT SO SURE AND THOUGHT IT WAS THE BEST AT THE TIME.
FELT IT WOULD BE OKAY CAUSE IT WAS SO EARLY IN PREGNANCY AND IT WASN'T A REAL BABY YET, JUST TISSUE.
NOT SURE IF IT WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE NOW....ALWAYS WANDER SHOULD I HAVE TRIED TO SURVIVE ANOTHER ADDITION TO THE FAMILY BEING A SINGLE PARENT.
WAS MY CHOICE FAIR TO THE UNBORN CHILD? WHAT DID I ROB MYSELF AND MY OTHER CHILDREN OF BY NOT WELCOMING THIS CHILD INTO THE WORLD? I WORRY ABOUT MY UNBORN CHILD'S SOUL....WILL IT GO TO HEAVEN? WILL IT KNOW ME? WILL IT FORGIVE ME? WILL IT HAUNT ME? WILL IT HAUNT MY OTHER CHILDREN?
I HAD TO HAVE SURGERY ON MY LEFT TUBE THIS YEAR (2010) DUE TO A TUBAL PREGNANCY (I was going to carry this child full term) AND I WONDER IF GOD IS PUNISHING ME FOR MY DECISION LAST YEAR (No sin goes unpunished, right?) I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WILL BE ABLE TO PRODUCE ANYMORE. AFTER RESEARCHING CAUSES FOR TUBAL PREGNANCIES, I LEARNED THAT THE DRUG GIVEN DURING ABORTIONS CAN INFLAME THE TUBES, WHICH RESULTS IN TUBAL PREGNANCIES!!!
I PRAY FOR THAT CHILD'S SOUL TO BE AT REST AND ASK IT TO FORGIVE ME BECAUSE I WAS IGNORANT AND MADE A HORRIBLE DECISION AND IF I COULD CHOOSE AGAIN.....
I WOULD NOT HAVE AN ABORTION!!
I hope this prevents someone else from making a horrible decision that will cause them mental, emotional, and spiritual suffering and pain for a long time.

Age: 28
Location: South Carolina
Date: August 2, 2010

About 7 years ago I was dating a guy that I thought I would marry. I ended up getting pregnant. He said that he didn't want children and would leave if I had one. So in order to keep the guy I decided to have an abortion. I remember going in to the clinic trembling. I honestly didn't want to do go through with it but I considered the guy more important (I WAS WRONG). Once in the clinic, the doctors did an ultrasound to see how far along I was. Then they left the room so I could get dressed. I tried so hard not to look at the screen that still had a ultrasound picture on it. I remember thinking that I should just run. But I didn't. I went through with the abortion. I cried all the way home, but part of me was thinking that the guy I was with would now be happy. It didn't work that way. I was so ashamed of what I had done that I didn't tell anyone. The guy didn't care and I had no one to grieve with. I ended up sinking into a depression and was always angry. I would yell at anyone but the guy I was with. I let him walk all over me. He ended up getting into cocaine and he even dealt it for a while... Obviously the guy and I broke up but I did get pregnant right before we broke up. I kept my son. It was because of my son that I came to God. I knew that I didn't have the wisdom to raise my son the right way. I have since married a wonderful and forgiving man who has adopted my first son. We now have another son. But still on a daily basis I think about my Baby that I aborted. I wonder what he or she would have been like and I often cry because of what I did.

Age: 26
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Date: July 9, 2010

When I was 19 I was dating someone who I thought I was very much in love with. We were only together for a few months when I got pregnant. Things soon changed and I realized that he was not the person I thought he was and that I wanted better for my life and the child's life so I decided to terminate the pregnancy. It never really hits you with what you are about to do until you are laying on table waiting for the procedure to take place. I was scared, alone and confused if this was the right decision. Well after it was done I cried for two days and was still miserable for a long time. I became depressed, guilty and couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I have often thought about where I would be now and how old my baby would be.

Age: 22
Location: Atlanta, GA
Date: July 7, 2010

I had [an] abortion 4 months ago... The abortion made me miserable, I knew what I was doing and it was a burden. The casual approach to the treatment on behalf of medical staff didn't help either. We went through a rough time with my partner, arguing about the stupid things, we split up once and again, just couldn't pull it off in a regular way anymore. I couldn't have little kids around me for a while since they made me think about mine... it's been an excruciating 4 months for me.

Age: 25
Location: London, UK
Date: July 1, 2010

I did not go into the procedure lightly. I'm not that sort of woman. I was pro-choice. Or so I thought. I bought into the slogans and propaganda of women's rights that abortion was a simple solution to a problem. I didn't think too long or hard about WHAT I was aborting. I looked at it as simply a backspace button. I had long been a supporter of Planned Parenthood. I had trusted them with all of my "health care". All of my yearly exams were done there. I received birth control from them. When I was pregnant the first time, I remember being really confused by the fact that they didn't offer prenatal care for women choosing to keep their children. I thought, well why don't you..... Now I know why. They aren't about helping or celebrating women or about their rights. They aren't about family or medicine. They are about one thing: ABORTION.

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Age: 28
Location: Iowa
Date: May 26, 2010

I was a junior in high school and was totally infatuated with this boy, we finally had our first date and I had thought this was the only way to keep him around. It was my first time and the result of that night was: there was no 2nd date and I was pregnant. I just knew I would be disowned from my family, I lived with my grandparents and they were very traditional and this would have been a disgrace to the family name. So I decided to abort the baby. No one besides a handful of people even knew. I was not saved at the time, did not attend church and didn't understand that the consequences of having an abortion that would follow me for the rest of my life.

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Age: 42
Location: USA
Date: May 26, 2010

I was 18 years old and a senior in high school when I got pregnant by my boyfriend. My boyfriend didn't want anything to do with having a baby and he said he couldn't live with giving it up for adoption so he talked me into having an abortion. I justified it to myself by telling myself that I had plans to go to college and I didn't want to embarass my parents who were very involved in our church. I remember thinking during the procedure, "They're killing my baby!" What I realized much later was that I had killed my baby. I had other friends who had gone through the same thing so it was easy to just stuff the feelings of regret inside and go on with life. My boyfriend and I were engaged to be married after I graduated from college but a month before the wedding he broke off the engagement. I was then left feeling like a dirty, used, unlovable woman. He was the only man I had ever been with. I then went from relationship to relationship until I met a man that I thought I loved and who I thought loved me. We were married and when we tried to start a family I was unable to carry a child past the first trimester. I knew that it was because of the abortion. I changed doctors and he tried some medications and I was finally able to give birth to a beautiful baby boy. Before his first birthday my husband found someone else and left us. Again, I went from relationship to relationship. I finally decided that I needed to get back into church. I was beginning to deal with some of the hurt and past regrets when I was again pregnant with no husband. This time I decided that I would do the right thing and have my baby. I had a difficult pregnancy but with medication was able to carry my beautiful baby girl to term. This time through much prayer I decided to accept the marriage proposal of our daughter's father and we were married. After several years I gave my life to Jesus and became a new person. I knew that God forgave me and I was able to forgive myself for the huge mistake of having an abortion (and having premarital sex). My husband has been a wonderful father to our precious daughter and our wonderful son. I hope that my story will encourage anyone who is considering having an abortion to NOT do it. It is still the biggest regret of my life. But God is good. He has blessed me with four more children since the birth of my daughter. I know He is loving my aborted child in heaven and I can't wait for the day to meet him or her and say, "I'm sorry".

Age: 47
Location: Dayton, OH
Date: May 26, 2010

I had 3 abortions done in the past. Never got over it. I was being foolish and selfish. All I thought about was me, me, me and never took a second to think about my unborn children. I now have a 3 year old daughter and I'm pregnant. I was going to have an abortion done with this last pregnancy, until the Lord Jesus Christ rescued me... He sent a man on the day I had the appointment with the abortion clinic and he talked to me about Jesus Christ and how life starts in the womb. That's when I opened my eyes and realized what I was about to do. I cried so much that day because I was going to get rid of my unborn child... I would like to let every women know, who had abortions in the past, that there's a mighty God who's willing to forgive.

Age: 26
Location: Garfield, NJ
Date: February 15, 2010

I am 53 years old. When I was 24, I was in college, starting my life/career when I found out I was pregnant... I figured abortion was the only solution. I was wrong. I am emotionally tormented by the decision I made. I pray that God and my baby would forgive me.

Age: 53
Date: January 19, 2009

My abortion was in haste at four weeks to cover my sins. I didn't want the shame of family, co-workers and friends finding out. You see, I am supposed to be Christian. I was more concerned about reputation and finances than the life of my own child. The father already has two known children and didn't want me nor the baby. I have really hit bottom. Please ladies, don't do it!

Date: April 5, 2008

When I was 19, I had an abortion. I am now 30 and this is the first time that [I've seen what abortion does]!!! It all started nice; my boy friend was my life. I put him first in my life instead of God. At first, we were very happy about [the pregnancy]... I was in shock but I wanted this baby... The next day he told his parents and was never the same again... he started to hit me in the stomach and was very angry all the time; he was telling me that "we're going to get married and then have our children". He was calling me every moment of the day to make sure I would not change my mind (about having the abortion)! I did not but still didn't want to go through with this. We went to the local teen counselors and they did nothing but encourage me to go through with it!! I still remember the day that I had to go into the office and always will. I was waiting; I just wanted to run, but [my boyfriend] was in the office's waiting room; I felt all alone and scared!!! I remember the doctor putting what looked like a cinnamon stick inside me. That's what started the whole thing!! The next morning I had to go to the doctor. It was only a day surgery and my boyfriend came and picked me up. I was a mess, I felt as if someone had robbed me, stole from me and took away a part of my body!! I felt broken down, bested and disgusted!!! I went into depression for about 5 years...You have to understand, I was christian since the age of 9, and I love kids. I was the kind of girl that did not believe in this!!!! Where was my support?? Where was my church?? Where was the help I needed???

Age: 30
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Date: November 16, 2007

I am 16 years old and i had an abortion last month. I felt and still feel horrible. I am sorry to my lost child, and I will NEVER be the same again.

Age: 16
Location: Vero Beach, FL
Date: November 1, 2007

I wish [Abort73 was around] back in 1980 when everyone kept pushing me toward a decision I really didn't want to make, and still regret to this day. What makes things even harder is the fact that right AFTER everything was done, was the fact that I discovered my sister was pregnant and due within a few days of me! So, I now have a nephew to remind me constantly of the poor decision at that time.

Date: August 30, 2007

The inside of this clinic was cold and uninviting. Nurses were rushing about. Young men had long sad faces, full of worry and guilt. There were parents fitfully pacing the floors, waiting, suffering in silence. It was a place where new life walked in and was then tricked into death. I was forced to see a counselor before my “procedure” and I poured out my fears, hopes and dreams for keeping this baby and giving her life, but she has heard this sob story a million times and some where in her heart, it all became just words, not real people. She politely nodded her head and then sent me on my way. That walk down the lonely hallway was cold, bare and uncaring, I could almost hear the faint cries of newborns bouncing off the walls pleading for a different way! As I was placed on that hard cold metal table, the doctor who has made a life out of taking it, seems tired and irritable, rushing to get this little problem out of the way. He is very matter of fact, not really looking at me, but rather through me. He hurriedly explains what he is doing as he has a thousand times before, “ a little cold, some cramping, over in a minute”. Just like that.....over...done...gone...no more.

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Age: 47
Location: La Porte, IN
Date: July 30, 2007

When I was 17 I got pregnant, I had really no idea what an abortion detailed. My family told me it would "get rid of the problem", so I thought I better do it. Sadly, I had an abortion and it was really painful. It was awful, I remember being rushed in under security and rushed out through a back door in case protesters got me. I was scared to death, I honestly had no idea what it was all about but everyone kept telling me I was fixing the problem. Now, five kids later I wonder about that baby and what would of been...

Age: 28
Location: Kansas City, KS
Date: July 9, 2007

When I was younger, I remember hearing about abortion and thinking to myself "There's no way in the world I would ever do that. That's wrong. How could someone stand to do that?" Then everything changed. I was 17 when I found out. An at-home pregnancy test confirmed my fears. I told the father and we began to talk about what to do. I began researching abortion online a few days after taking the pregnancy test. I found out in my state you have to have parental consent or what they call a "judicial bypass." I did not want to have to go through the process of obtaining a judicial bypass because I didn't really understand what it meant. I couldn't find that much information on the process. The hardest thing I've ever gone through, besides the abortion and it's after-effects, was telling my mother. We talked about keeping it and abortion. I explained the process to her. I knew all along that I didn't want to do it but I felt I had to. I knew I would love the child like it ought to be loved but felt no one else would. My head decided in favor of the abortion, not my heart. My mother did not agree with my having an abortion and didn't want to sign for me. She would have but I didn't want to make her so I went through the process of getting a judicial bypass. I did that one morning and had my abortion that afternoon. I've read some of the other testimonies on here about how cold and clinical some of the other doctors were but everyone I came in contact with was helpful and nice. I think that's what put me in denial. If everyone was so nice and understanding, how bad could it be? The abortion itself as a procedure was not bad. The recovery room wasn't bad either but the ride home was the worst I have ever felt, physically. I got home and layed down because I was extremely nauseus and my mother came into my room and her eyes filled with tears. I remember telling her not to cry because then I would cry. The next month or so I carried myself like I was happy and completely not affected by the experience. I had the prom to plan for, I just wanted to be a teenager. Now, coming up on a year later, I think about it at least once every single day. You never really notice how many pregnant women there are or how many moms with strollers until after this experience. I am constantly reminded of my abortion and it pangs me deeply. I am still with the father and we talk about it occasionally. Before my due date passed, I asked him if he ever thought about it and he said at the time he wondered how big I would be and things like that. When I'm over-whelmed with the sight of mothers and their babies, he can sense my pain. I think about when I do have children and if I have a daughter, I do plan to tell her when it is appropriate. I want her to know she can come to me if she becomes pregnant and that I will support her and help her in any way. But I don't want her to feel the way I do, I don't want her to have an abortion. I told my mother, my boyfriend, and myself that I wouldn't regret it. But I do. Every second of every day.

Date: January 29, 2007

I have only read a few of your testimonies, but that's all I have to read. Like a majority of the women, I was young and dumb. 15 to be exact, I didn't know who the father was, I had plans of going to college, and coming from a very traditional family, "how was I going to have a child?"... It hurts so bad, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my child. I was a foolish woman and I pray to God, and my little angel everyday to forgive me for what I did. There is a hole in my heart, an emptiness that may never be filled, even if I were to have other children. I am 20 now and still have that very vivid memory. I was just so stupid, had I known, had I just one clue as to how the procedure was actually done or had been better informed, my child would be five years old now, in kindergarten. Your site opened my eyes wide, and I hope to be a part of what youtstand for. Because NOBODY has right to say who and who doesn't get totlive...

Age: 20
Date: January 20, 2007

If only I had watched the video before I went through with my abortion, I would never had done it. I was always against abortion but when I found out that I was pregnant, I figured that I had no other choice. The people I spoke to assured me that an abortion was the right decision and I foolishly listened to them. I should have known that the right decision was to keep my baby. It has been almost a week since the abortion and I cry everyday. I am overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. Any girl or woman reading this should know that abortion is NOT the right choice. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I pray that God forgives me. The abortion will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Date: January 15, 2007