Abortion Story: Ohio
Submitted to Abort73 by a 52-year-old woman on April 4, 2014.
I would like to share my story in hopes of sparing young women from choosing abortion as an option. It was the worst decision ever made for me. I found out I was pregnant shortly after I turned 17. The poor choices I made resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. I was very scared and unsure what to do and who to confide in. I came from an adoptive family, and I struggled early on with feelings of rejection. I felt little self worth. We were not encouraged to have a voice or speak up for ourselves. I did get the courage to finally confide in my mom—hoping she would support me with this pregnancy. Instead, both parents told me I had to have an abortion. They said it was the best thing for me, and gave me no other option. I know they were embarrassed and ashamed. The father of the baby didn't want the responsibility either. Before I knew it, my mom made an appointment with a doctor to confirm I was pregnant. I felt so scared and alone. I wanted my baby, but I felt I was given no option besides abortion. Even though I wasn't informed about the facts of abortion, I knew it was wrong in my heart. I felt like a lamb lead to slaughter. Everything that happened at the clinic was a blur. After my abortion, I silently grieved for the loss of my baby. I tucked all my pain inside my heart. I became depressed. I didn't love myself and hated myself for allowing this to happen. I did drugs to cover my pain. I still was looking for love in all the wrong ways. My feelings of self worth were at rock bottom. Later, I did met the man who eventually became my husband. I was able to begin to share my pain with someone who truly cared for me. I still carried much emotional pain due to my abortion—for far more years than I care to admit. It changed me completely. I struggled with forgiving my parents for the choice they made for me. I was not a Christian yet. I wondered if God would ever allow me to become pregnant again and if I would be able to carry to term. God graciously blessed my husband and I with two beautiful children. I loved them with all my heart, but I still found it hard to bond with them 100% because shame kept making me feel like I didn't deserve them. I didn't realize all the things I was experiencing and struggling with. I had trouble bonding with my children and having sexual intimacy within my marriage—due to the effects of having had an abortion. It is called post abortion stress syndrome or PASS. Even though I had struggles in my marriage, I was married to a very good man. He stuck by my side and helped me through my pain. I continued to suffer in silence from my abortion. I struggled to see my Heavenly Father in the right light because of my earthy influences. God has been gracious to me and so very patient as he tenderly removed the layers of pain I endured due to my abortion. God is beyond good to me. He has forgiven me of so much. He has shown me so much mercy. If my child had been allowed to be born, he or she would be 36 this year. I feel like I missed out on the wonderful joy this child could have been to me in my life. I wonder if my parents realize they missed out on the love of a grandchild. I do feel like my child was a boy, and I named him Noah—which means "rest/comfort." Eventually, I did go through a post abortive Bible study that brought me further healing. Every time I get to share, it brings more healing. If my story can prevent just one woman from having an abortion and save a baby it will be worth it. I am now not only a mother of two but a grandmother of four. God has turned my mourning into joy and given me beauty for ashes. There is healing and forgiveness found through Jesus Christ. Please, if any young woman is reading this and not sure which way to turn, please go to someone who you can really trust, and get the support you need to choose life for your baby—even if it means putting your baby up for adoption. Give your child a chance to be born. What may seem like a hardship for you now will turn into the greatest blessing if you allow God to help you. DO NOT let anyone talk you into abortion, even if it is your parents. I so wish I had been strong enough to stick up for myself back then and allowed my baby to have a chance at life. Don't suffer in silence anymore, but come to the foot of the cross where there is forgiveness even for the sin of abortion. Abortion hurts women spiritually, emotionally and even physically is some cases, and ends the life of your baby. PLEASE, DON'T DO IT. Please choose life for your precious baby.
Date: April 4, 2014